Mean Girls...Still?

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I'm not sure if I should post this here, in the adult section, or in the job section- but I'd rather have women responding to it, so hopefully this is the right place.

I am being bullied/mobbed at work, and I do not understand why. I have done nothing to provoke this, I've asked coworkers who are not involved in this and they don't understand it, either. There is a clique of three women of various ages who either ignore me/act like I am not even there, talk over me, roll their eyes when I do say something/answer a question, whisper to each other and then look at me like "what?", or shut up completely when I approach or enter the room. They speak to me like I'm the world's biggest idiot.

I am not rude, am chipper most of the time, and try very hard to stay within the parameters of 'normal' behavior. To my knowledge. I have never done anything to deserve this abuse , Which brings me to my questions...Why are they doing it? and should I quit? I don't want to be in a toxic/abusive environment, and I refuse to kiss anyone's butt just to fit in. This has been going on for a few months now, and I have only been working here for about six months. I have wracked my brain trying to pinpoint exactly when I started noticing this, to no avail.

Does anyone else have some experience with this? What did you do? I am not disclosed at work as I am not officially diagnosed and I think it would do more harm than good in this situation, anyway.

Thank you in advance.
Fleur

I've had this happen before, but never quite understood the why of it. If you can stick it out, then play it cool and don't quit. Just ignore them, and don't let them get a rise out of you. They'll eventually move on if they don't get a reaction, and if you make it perfectly clear their opinion means jack.

Never understood the why of it either.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-michel ... 33977.html

There are mean girls and mean women to be found everywhere...whether it's on the job or when you're living in a small town or on the fringe of some group because you're in a relationship that isn't clearly defined with someone who is involved within the group and a certain person or a few people want to make it Their Business to find out exactly what the status of your relationship with this other person is.

Being on the spectrum and "different", tends to bring out the curiosity in these kind of people. They are, by nature, nosy and intrusive and seem to be like vigilantes waiting for someone who appears unusual to enter "their" territory. Then, like feral cats, they pounce.

Consider the analogy of what happens to the feral cat(s) who go to such great lengths to protect what they believe belongs to them from what they perceive as different. Feral cats are often in dreadful condition. Their actions become apparent to others. They don't tend to last very long, fighting as they do with others.

Boundaries are important, although not easy for us. Still, like learning to say "No", we must learn to say "Stop" or "I will not tolerate your behavior" when people are bullying us. One useful tactic is to purchase a micro-videocam and post a sign in your work area indicating that audio and video recording is taking place. Wear this device on you wherever you are at work, in case the bullies should approach you. Keep it in a safe a discreet place where it is not obvious to them. Inform them that their actions are being recorded "to a remote location" and the data will be given to your attorney. It doesn't matter whether you have an attorney yet...you can GET one. These bullies are in violation of ADA compliance -- you are feeling forced to leave a job because of their actions and this is absolutely unfair. If you are otherwise happy with your job and able to do the job, these "mean girls" would be the only reason for you to leave.

I assume you have a Manager or HR person you can report to about the behavior of these girls? Please, by all means, start listing the dates and times when incidents occur and the sort of threats that are being made against you. No reasonable company will tolerate employees bullying other employees for any reason. You are likely being so nice and passive that these mean girls believe they can just take advantage of your kind nature. This is a major mistake foolish people like this tend to make: they mistake kindness for weakness. You need to find a way to show them, non-violently, that there is a BIG difference between a kind person and a weak person. Thus far, you've been kind. Now, all of this will change. You will be gathering data and taking them to court. There is not one single reason for you to leave your job. Do you imagine you're the first person these girls have intimidated into leaving the company? Do you imagine if you leave, you'll be the last person they intimidate?

I am not telling you what you face doesn't take strength: it does take strength. It also took strength for you to interview for this job and be hired and remain at the job for six months. I am asking you to remember that what you did to get this job took courage and you do not want to give up so easily to these brats. Don't try to be pleasant with them -- this is what they are expecting.

I didn't read the link to Huffington Post, but I will. Could be you're just smarter and better looking and you were hired for a more important job.

[quote="tweety_fan"]Never understood the why of it either.

Thanks for the link to HuffPost. Things have certainly gotten ugly in the corporate world. Ten years ago, I knew (and avoided) SOME women like this, but they were generally considered to be obvious and horrible apologies for human beings. Competitiveness is one thing; quite another to be so territorial that one is either hired DUE to mental illness or management does not seem to care about the damage that quite often is done by these people.

When bullying of this kind is committed against an employee with a known disability, the company can be facing legal action. Management needs to be informed and if nothing is done to stop the bullying, HR needs to be contacted and the problem escalated to the top level of the company.

Bullying has been known to drive the "targets" into extreme monopolar depression, severe social phobia, re-victimization episodes of PTSD, seizures and even suicide. To push someone out of their job because they're perceived as a "threat" seems pretty crazy to me. How can "teamwork" be accomplished in an atmosphere this territorial? It IS truly madness.

Thank you all for your responses. Ignoring these people only makes it much, MUCH worse, they just turn up the dial on their abuse until it is so obvious to everyone (clients included) that it is difficult to complete my work because I am under such intense scrutiny. Every little thing I say or do is commented upon, judged, and deemed unworthy/unimportant/comical.

Since my original post the bullying has escalated to the point that I am actively looking for another place of employment. I work in a small office in a small town, so this is not going to be easy. Everyone knows everyone. I will again state that I am not disclosed at work and do not wish to be, as from experience I know this only makes people treat me like I am a particularly slow 2 year old.

I do not have an attorney, nor the money to retain one. This situation has plunged me into self-doubt, depression, anxiety, and insomnia. I know in my heart that I am not doing anything wrong, and that I am good at what I do. No idea if I am better at it than my bullying coworkers. As far as being better looking, I don't know about that, but people are always shocked when I tell them how old I am. Like really shocked. Openmouthed "you've got to be kidding me" shocked. It makes me laugh, but maybe these women are jealous of that? Seems so silly to me- to try and destroy a person's credibility, peace of mind, and job over something that you can't control in the first place.

Mean people suck.

Thankfully, there are nice people in here.

Much gratitude for your kind replies...hope you are having a lovely weekend!

Fleur

Sometimes girls/women will just decide to treat someone like sh*t for their own amusement.
Especially the sort of girls/women you seem to have described -.-

Or they could just be trying to push you out of your job. So they get extra responsibility, a friend gets hired, or something else.

I also look much younger. At least 10 years younger so they say. Men consider me attractive. Women hate me in this country when I try hard to fit in and when I don't try. Nobody hated me that bad when I lived in other countries. I think it is a part of local (small town at least) women mentality. It doesn't matter really why they hate you. It is about how much you can tolerate. I leave. I didn't lose actually anything so far by leaving.

I thought I had let all that behind at school and I did for a few years. But, then I started to work within a team where there was a load of not very nice women. However, I noticed that it wasn't actually just me that they were like that with. They were all frightened to visit the toilet, as they knew the others would speak about them when they left the room. No matter who left the room, the others would 'b***h' about them. I suppose the difference with me was that they were nasty to my face as well. I couldn't get involved in any chit chat with them, as they always had something nasty to say in response. For example, at tea break, they were talking about a few soaps they had watched. They obviously spent a lot of time watching TV. I don't watch soaps, so I asked if they had watched something else, nothing too high brow. One of them said, 'I have a child, I don't have to time to sit and watch TV', totally ignoring the fact that she'd just told everyone about other stuff she'd watched. Also, this hit a raw nerve, as they knew I had fertility problems. When I think back about it, I think they were trying to see what it would take to make me cry.

I had the advantage of working for local governement, i.e. a large employer, so I was able to rotate into another post, without having to apply for another job or having to be interviewed. The new team I worked with was far nicer and I never experienced that sort of mistreatment again. Quite clearly, it was them that had the problem, not me. A really negative little bunch they were. Strangley, the new team never talked about the soaps, as they seemed to be more interested in the more important things in life.