Which is worse in a relationship?

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I picked cheating. I can hold my own against someone but having been cheated on before, I can say firsthand that it causes deep and lasting emotional damage and a loss of self-esteem. It is easier to heal a bump or bruise than a damaged psyche. Even if it only occurs once, the implications can stay with a person for YEARS.

I meant "in general", not in OPs case.

I'd say violence as that is them doing direct harm to me. While cheating isn't very nice it's some stupid thing they did for fun hoping or thinking I'd never find out.

I'd rather be with someone where I had to worry about them leaving me for someone else than potentially putting me in the hospital or killing me.

I'd leave the relationship for either act, but I voted cheating because I consider that to be far more hurtful. I've been in a violent relationship before, and I've also been with men that cheated on me. The violent relationship was my first ever serious relationship so I didn't break up with him straight away because I didn't know better, although now I would. The two cheaters I broke up with when I found evidence of what they had done, as that is always a non-negotiable with me.

The violence of my first partner doesn't haunt me or create fear in new relationships for me though, I just know I wouldn't put up with it again. If someone's violent, well, we just can't be together because I don't enjoy physical pain, especially from someone I normally enjoy spending time with. Cheating is such a betrayal though. I guess because I'm such an all or nothing person, when I fall in love I fall so hard, and to find out that the person who is my whole world and could never dream of betraying, is more than capable of doing it to me and doesn't obviously view me as their whole world at all, is completely soul-destroying to me.

I'm not sure because while I've been in relationships where I've been hit (twice I was attacked because I was leaving rather than leaving after being hit) I am not aware of ever having been cheated on, so its hard to say. I think the cheating would eat away at me and destroy all trust more efficiently than violence would, maybe.

I voted Violence

I am divorced because of Cheating however!

Violence IMO. You can't suffer from trauma and PTSD due to cheating.

A inability to handle a relationship in a mature way, real or long-distance.

Violence is a crime that infringes upon a person's right to safety and (in some cases) to life. Cheating is when a person makes the conscious decision to end a commitment with another person, which they have the right to do (even if it is really slimy). Cheating does not infringe upon anyone's rights. So, of course, violence is worse. I don't see how that's even controversial.

As for alcohol, it doesn't really make you that impulsive. Depending on how much you've been drinking, you can still be responsible for something you have done while you were drunk. You can still make a rational, informed decision even if you've had a few too many. And, as you said, they made the decision to get drunk in the first place. The point I'm making is that premeditation is still not out of the equation in the case of the person being drunk.

Being drunk doesn't make you violent. For some, maybe, but most drunk people I have encountered are quite jovial. Sometimes I see depressed drunk people, but not many angry or agitated drunk people. I think it's down to the person, really. My father was an angry drunk, but he was angry all the time and he was even worse off the booze. Typical addict, y'see, but still to blame for his actions.

cheating is its own form of psychic violence.