I'm 49, was just officially diagnosed with an ASD (I'm an Aspie) Friday the tenth at 1630. In my weird life, you know, the one that now seems so much less weird, kissing was always important to me, and something that never quite worked. I suspect mainly because I didn't know what I and the other person was doing.
I was married for a bunch of years. Yup, actually married. It ended horribly. He was Predator, I his prey. Not much kissing at all, and what there was of it, never felt right. Over a decade ago I swore that if Earl didn't work out, or if I lost him, I'd never date again, much less be in a relationship. We were together for years, heck even the divorce from hell (and the stalking that went with) took too long, and I was left terribly scared.
So imagine my surprise when I started dating someone last year. Someone amazing, patient, and good at "herding cats" as she puts it. We started as friends and she's the one that pointed out that I was an Aspie. You see she has an adult daughter who (at the time) was an undiagnosed Aspie too. In fact it was because of her daughter that I found local resources who deal with not just adult Aspies, but Aspergirls like my friend's daughter and I. For my friend's daughter, diagnosis was even more important because she was struggling through college, and the office of disability services wouldn't even talk to her without an official diagnosis. So as of Friday, we're both official.
My girlfriend has, for the most part, lead the changes to our relationship. First time we held hands, we were walking through the mall together and she just reached over and laced her fingers through mine. I froze up solid and fought really hard not to burst into tears. Then had to spend the next few minutes explaining my reaction. Thankfully, she understood.
A few months later, after having been out running around, and having a good day, I went to kiss her on the cheek goodnight. She turned her head so I wound up kissing her on the lips. This time I did burst into tears, but happy ones after the shock wore off. We then proceeded to kiss more.
To me, that felt like my first real kiss. I was 49 years old.
So yeah, the woman I'm dating, the women I adore, the woman I enjoy kissing, is the one that suggested I was an Aspie. The woman who still adores me, and the kissing makes me think of Princess Bride. Except of course we're both the Princess. Go figure right?
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ASAN: "Nothing about us, without us."
Me: "I am an autistic woman, I don't play one on TV."
"I'm written in a language even I don't understand - but I am learning."
"My weird life, just got a whole lot weirder, by becoming less weird."