I want a baby but not Autistic baby

Post Reply New Topic

Joe, I want you to know that your question is absolutely valid and ok to ask.

It conflicts with some other issues some of us are dealing with and I believe that is what's driving the backlash you are hearing.



I'd recommend you see a genetic counselor. That is someone who is trained to deal with questions like yours and who can actually get you real numbers.


Here, we can only share why we were happy or unhappy to be brought into the world and/or the genetic and environmental impact on our children. I can say that I believe my own personal spectrum-colored understanding of the world has significantly lessened the burden for my own son on the spectrum. But, every single situation is different.

Please let me emphasize: I wasn't trying to criticize.

I just feel that Asperger's/Autism does not preclude one from a happy life.

It's difficult to raise a kid no matter if he/she is "NT" or autistic.

Autism presents with unique challenges--each individual child, period, presents with unique challenges.

It's not the "end of the world" if you happen to give birth to a child with autism.

Sez you, kk, you're not the one raising the kid. I've seen what some parents go through and there are days when, as hard as my grind is, I'm deeply, deeply grateful not to be in their situation.

OP: Yes, there is a greater risk for you than for the general population. Autism is not, however, rare at this point. If you absolutely do not want to have an autistic child, your only option right now is not to have a child at all. If you want to mitigate the risk, you can use an egg donor with no history of AS in the family, though you're relying on the donor's honesty, which is not necessarily smart.

By that logic, I might not have been born--and many great people wouldn't have been born.

Actually, like I stated before, there's no evidence of autism in my family--except me.

I was plenty autistic during my preschool days; I'm sure my mother felt regretful at times; however, despite her narcissist self, she decided not to institutionalize me--like some doctors were suggesting. She decided I was worth the trouble.

I could understand your concerns, though.

+1

What I meant: Joe90 shouldn't prevent herself from having kids if she wants to have kids.

Joe90
I suggest you spend some time babysitting to get some experience with babies in general.

I beg to god that if I decide to have children at some point, the best egg is fertilized.

January egg > Sociable Eistein
Februari egg > Depressed anti-social drug addict

Noooooooooooooooooooo. Crazy thought.

My daughter has AS like me and I feel terribly guilty sometimes because although she is happy with me she does not make the best of her life as a 22 year old woman.

I'm glad you are thinking rationally and sensibly about this Joe but when the time comes that you do have a child you will love it and do your best by it regardless of whether he/she is autistic or not.

I think you need to stop thinking in terms of ASD or NT. They are a child first. Each child is an individual. Both my children have grown into beautiful, caring adults I am proud to know. Do I care that one is AS and one is NT? No.
Now ask yourself, do you want a CHILD.

I'd probably be more scared if I wound up with an NT kid as opposed to a kid on the spectrum.

Asperger's already messes with my perspective of things, so how in the wild blue hell am I supposed to help a kid who's not even close to the spectrum survive in an NT dominated world?

If I did happen to have a child with any condition, I would obviously still love it just the same as I would love an NT/able-bodied child. But knowing how much affect ASDs seem to have on the family and the stress it seems to bring into the family, I'd rather do the poor kid a favour and not bring it into the world with an ASD or any other condition, physical or mental. A mother wants what's best for her child. My auntie's friend has a 3-year-old son who has just been diagnosed with severe Autism, and she is in tears. Why do some parents get emotional when their child is diagnosed with a (non-life-threatening) condition? I also know of another couple who found out that their unborn baby had Down's Syndrome, and agreed straight away to have an abortion.

But some people on the spectrum seem to make people out to be bad people if they prefer not to have a child with a disability. It's not really about that. Like I said, I would love the child whether it has a condition or not, but I still would prefer my child to be NT. I know my mum loves me so much, but I know she still wished I didn't have Asperger's, and I don't call her a bad mother just because she thinks that. Asperger's has made me lonely and unhappy growing up, and I caused a lot of stress and worry for my mum and I felt like a problem child. That made me feel so guilty.