Domestic Abuse and Asperger's

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this is scary because i can relate and i realize i am coping in unhealthy ways and i don't know if i am able to deal at all with leaving the abuse i deal with every day
there is emotional and verbal and sexual abuse
i do not want any of it, am in counselling, feel so sick, wish i had someone to help me 24/7 right now
someone to watch me and stop me from hurting myself
i have a complicated form of ptsd
i freeze and stare
i also having autism do my own thinking and cannot be told anything
i must experience everything myself
my counselor cannot tell me anything to do
i go from where i am, not from where she thinks i am
i am suffering and cannot talk about it
it is hard to acknowledge
it is constant
i cannot avoid it
i hate being home with this person
i fight
i hate my responses to this person
i hate to acknowledge that they exist the wasy they do
they make me crazy
i am not crazy though
i want to heal i think and need to leave so i can do that
thank you

Sorry to hear about your situation Unmixed. I hope you can get the support you sound like you need.

I have definitely found myself in abusive relationships. In fact my diagnosis came about as an indirect result of a very abusive and violent relationship. After he was arrested and subsequently imprisoned, my mental health declined greatly culminating in serious self harm and suicidal behaviours. This led to many hospital admissions and eventual treatment in a therapeutic community where I was diagnosed with an ASD.

I can see now how the above has contributed to getting myself into difficult situations with men and know I'm going to need to be very careful in the future as sadly I fear that despite my experiences I still wont easily be able to determine safe v unsafe men and situations.

Symptoms of Abuse - Threats; Power Misuse; and Control......
What symptoms below fit your life?

Using Emotional Abuse:
Putting the other down ___ check
Making the other feel bad about themselves ___ check
Calling the other names ___Check he would say baby in a mockery tone
Making the other think they are crazy ___ Check
Playing mind games ___ If him making me feel bad so I do what he wanted counts as a mind game, then yes, same as thinking for being crazy and I must have a bad memory if I thought he said something or had no memory of saying something and when I would doubt myself
Humiliating the other ___ He would always tell his son about me and what I did
Making the other feel guilty ___ Yes
Using Privileges ___ I dunno, not sure what this means.
Treating the other like a servant ___No
Making all the big decisions ___ No
Acting like the master of the castle ___ No
Being the one who determines the roles ___ No
Using Economic Abuse:
Preventing the other from getting or keeping a job ___ Making the other ask for money ___ No and No
Giving the other an allowance ___ No
Taking the other's money ___ No
Not letting the other know about or have access to family income ___ No

Using Coercion and Threats:
Making or carrying out threats to do something to hurt the other ___ No
Threatening to leave the other, to commit suicide, report the other to welfare ___No
Making the other drop charges ___ No
Making the other do illegal things ___No
Using Intimidation:
Making the other afraid by using looks, gestures, or actions ___No
Smashing things ___ No
Abusing pets ___ No
Displaying weapons ___No

Using Children:
Making the other feel guilty about the children ___ No
Using the children to relay messages ___ family or friends? Yes___ No___No
Using visitation to harass the other ___ No
Threatening to take the children away ___ No. I didn't have any then.

Using Isolation:
Controlling what the other does, who they see, talk to, what's read, and where they go ___ My ex didn't like me talking on the phone to my parents and he always wanted to know what I said to them.
Limiting their outside involvement ___ No
Using jealousy to justify actions ___ I think so, he was a jealous guy I realized.
Minimizing, Denying, Blaming ___
Making light of the abuse and not taking the other's concerns about it seriously ___ Does him refusing to give me back a piece Dish Network wanted from my satellite count as abuse after I had told him how important it is to me and how they will charge me a huge fine if I don't return it? Then he finally gave it to me after I had a huge meltdown but was it a coincidence, I will never know.

Saying the abuse never happened ___ No because I never confronted him about his actions and never accused him of doing abuse.
Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior ___ Not sure what this means
Saying the other caused it ___ No

HAS ANY OF THE FOLLOWING EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
Does your partner:
Blame everyone else especially you, for his or her mistakes? Yes___ No___ No
Prevent you from seeing your family or friends? Yes___ No___ No
Curse you, say mean things, mock you or humiliate you? Yes___ No___ Perhaps
Force you to have sex or force you to engage in sex that makes you feel uncomfortable? Yes___ No___ No
Restrain, hit, punch, slap, or kick you? Yes___ No___ No
Intimidate or threaten you? Yes___ No___ No
Ever prevent you from leaving the house, getting a job, or continuing your education? Yes___ No___ No


This list makes my ex boyfriend look good because it could have been worse.

I'd say it's still good that he's now your ex.

"People like to abuse others because they find them as an easier target" I suppose this is me.

Yes that list does sound a lot like what has been going on with me and apparently people are constantly trying to use me for ceap labor and threaten (violently) if otherwise. Ironically even with other autistics.

People are even trying to warp me up on when I cannot even say what I am thinking, however that may due being a part of my dylexia dysgraphia.

I don't even know how to bother even getting out of it, its so out of control I had decided to walk up to the mountians to the "conspiracies" may be untangled once and for all and thit s**t will finally die.

It seems no matter where I go, people constantly try to abuse me and place me in the ditch.

People who have anything "wrong" with them undervalue themselves which basically puts a sign on their head that says "VICTIM". The only way to stop drawing victimizers to you is to stop 'looking like' and 'at yourself' as a victim. See yourself as a strong woman and others will too. It really is that simple. Get away from the abuser first of course.

Yup.

I can't say I've ever had a normal relationship. My dad was largely absent. My mom was physically and emotionally abusive.

I had a relationship with a sex addict. He was mean. He would put his fist in my face like he wanted to hit me, but he never did. At first, I thought he was playing, but later on I realized he was dead serious. i suspect most women would have left him right then and there. People told me to leave him, but I wouldn't listen.

I actually attract generally shytty treatment from people.

Abuse as destroyed my life forever

My father an alcoholic would beat us up every day, he used to control my life
not allowed me to go anywhere, no friends, no social life

My mother a narcissistic women did the same to me. And brother hit me badly.

My uncle used to sexually molest me.......yes i have seen dark side of life

And now the situation is such i cant work, though i am educated sitting at home
i get flashbacks and all the time i feel someone is hitting me.

I feel sabotaged.

Sorry to everyone who has endured so much suffering!

It is really terrible how awful people are to each other!! !

I have been luckier on that front. Growing up I was spanked (which I found traumatizing, but many don't) occasionally and my mother said a few really mean things to me. That was it.

I have had four serious relationships and only one has been abusive. Physically and emotionally. I definitely did not see it coming. Having more knowledge on the subject, looking back I can see signs from the beginning. However he was a master manipulator. He pretended to be a person he was not, with similar interests to me etc. It wasn't until I was in love and living with him that things changed for the worst.

Thankfully he is out of my life and my current boyfriend is great!

Yes I have been in an abusive relationship think abusers go for vernrable easily manipulated people who want love. And women with aspergers can sometimes fit that bill.

Yes I have been in a fairly long term abusive relationship (many types of abuse eg. physical, verbal, emotional...).

I was initially seeing myself as the one to blame for my atypical behaviour and for not being a good partner through his eyes where in reality there was a basic human respect missing from his side. I was also told about how "mean" I am when I very rarely had even a hint of negative intention. This kept me pretty confused because the way I was being treated was not okay but according to him I was behaving in a way that was hurtful. I would try to be kind and things just seemed to get worse. I'm not sure at this point if he actually was hurt and was frequently misinterpreting my behaviour or if this was simply meant to confuse me so that he could deflect any blame. If he did in fact feel hurt I was actively trying not to be hurtful where he said repeatedly that he was hurting me because I hurt him.

Luckily this relationship is over because it was not a healthy one.

The main thing I learned is that people are allowed to be different. You can either work with the differences or move on. There is no excuse for threats, name calling, shaming, physical harm, etc.

Yes, last year, I had a boyfriend who mentally abused me. The only reason I got with him in the first place was because I felt sorry for him, but I thought i would be able to change him and make him a better person. As it turned out, I couldn't handle it.

He always asked me to see him, and got annoyed when I took my time. We argued all the time about everything, he got angry at the slightest little thing. He wanted me to move in with him, and my parents didn't want me to. I didn't want to, but I made an attempt just to make him happy. But we still didn't get along. He made me do things I was uncomfortable with, to the point where I would do it when he was angry in an attempt to make him happy.

Eventually, my parents forced my to break up with him I was angry at first, but got over it within the next day when I realised I was free to do whatever I wanted without him being unhappy about it. I wish it didn't come to that, though, I wish I was able to break up with him myself. But I didn't want to be that girl who breaks up with her boyfriend because she's too good for him or he's not good enough for her. I didn't really want to be that stereotype. I should have listened to my family.

I'm not fully over it. I've moved on, I'm living my own life now, but I don't want another boyfriend ever again, and I'll never be able to fully forget about him and what he made me do and how sad he made me. I dread to think what would have happened if my parents hadn't done anything.

I've never been in a romantic relationship so have no experience with abuse in that context but I have experienced physical and emotional abuse at the hands of several of my relatives. My maternal family is full of crazies. Thankfully, I don't have contact with them anymore which has helped my healing process a lot. I did have many of the symptoms associated with post traumatic stress disorder as a child and teenager. They've been reduced substantially in the last couple of years and I can think about the events without getting upset. I accept them as a part of my history that will stick with me forever but doesn't have to dictate my life or my emotions. While my daily life is much easier now that my PTSD symptoms have largely cleared up, I still find it difficult to hear stories about other abused children, particularly ones that involve a schizophrenic perpetrator (my main abuser was diagnosed with schizophrenia). It doesn't emotionally cripple me the way that it used to but it does make me feel sad and angry about the lack of justice in the world for a while. I can manage those feelings better now though.

My father (who has always been the relative that I've gotten on with the best on either side of my family) is an odd paradox. There's been times in my life where I would have had no hesitation to label him as emotionally abusive and indeed, there have been times where he has hurt me very badly. But as I've gotten older and wiser and my mental health is nowhere near as bad as it once was (I suffered with depression and anxiety in the past), I've come to see that he simply isn't very good at communicating with me. We have completely different communication styles and while we can talk easily about many subjects, it's much harder to tackle any emotional subjects without him becoming defensive and passive aggressive. I think there's probably some issues in his past that made him this way that he doesn't want to talk about. We also have fairly similar personalities and I'm sure that's played a role in our conflicts too. He's done many kind and generous things for me and I have faith that he isn't a bad person who wants to hurt me intentionally. He just doesn't quite understand me and sometimes does it inadvertently. Our relationship is alright now, I think.

It's a work in progress, as they say.

i was beaten and raped by a fiance. afterward, i learned that there are warning signs that someone will turn out to be abusive, so i needn't repeat the experience. http://www.newhopeforwomen.org/abuser-tricks