How can I be a better houswife?

Post Reply New Topic

I want to move in with my boyfriend as soon as I can (when I find a local job in his area), but I'm worried about my poor homemaking skills. I feel emotionally ready, but not intellectually ready.

For starters, he has an old gas cooker, with a broken knob, so you've got to turn it on using matches. For some reason matches make me nervous, and I'm so scared I'm going to burn my fingers and then drop the match from shock of the pain. If I'm going to learn to cook, I'd rather learn with an electric cooker, like I have at home. But we can't afford a new cooker at present. I will buy a beginner's cook book, and then I suppose that would be a start.

Then there's the laundry. I suppose you need to get in a routine with laundry, but because I haven't actually moved in yet, it's hard to get into a routine with laundry. But I'm having trouble learning to use the washing-machine. He's showed me a couple of times, and I wrote it down. But then he accidentally threw the piece of paper away, and he says I shouldn't have to write stuff down. But it's the only way I'll learn to do things properly. I need to learn to iron too. Well, he admits he needs to learn too. But I've always found irons difficult to use.

The shopping I'm ok with, although I keep getting him the wrong things. He says he is not fussy, then when I go out and get possible groceries, he says he doesn't like that brand or it's either too cheap or too expensive. So then I feel silly.

To be fair he does work full time and funny shifts, and it's always been my wish to fall in love and move in and help him out with chores while he's out working hard. I don't mind at all. But I feel like I'm not getting the hang of it, and I'm worried I might be a lousy housewife. I don't want him to feel like he's looking after a child who needs everything done for me. I want him to feel like he's going to be marrying a responsible adult who can look out for myself. I need to prove how responsible and mature I can be. How can I learn to better myself? How did you learn, if you aren't living with your parents any more? I know we've all got to start somewhere, but it's getting myself motivated too.

You need to buy one of these:- http://www.pittjug.org/b2b/pcb_and_pcba/1/kitchen_barbecue_lighter_46.html

First I think what you need to do is to have some more confidence in yourself. You use a computer or internet accessible device right now but you didn't always and at some point it was probably new and somewhat intimidating. But you got used to it and do fine now.

Second, be forgiving of yourself. You can't, and shouldn't always meet someone else's standards.

If he wants specific brands he needs to indicate them.

If you forget how to use the washing machine you can look up the manual online and print it out.

Different people decide when to do laundry differently. Some do it when the hamper is full. Some do it weekly. Some do it when they are running out of a clean pair of a particular clothing article.

As for cooking, it's important to cook meats, poultry, and seafood properly to avoid illness so you might want to read up on that and how to avoid spreading pathogens all over the place when you do this.

Fruits and vegetables should be washed well before cooking or consuming.

Baked potatoes should never be stored wrapped in foil as this can lead to botulism.

Some expiration dates only hold if the product has not been opened. Many things will spoil quickly after being opened, particularly perishable jarred and canned goods. You can contact the producer for more info on this.

It might be helpful to figure out some easy things to make for meals...I am not in a relationship or moving in with anyone but I still want to learn to cook more just so I have more options when I am hungry. But one thing is it seems to take so much effort to make meals and I don't seem to ever have the energy....and sometimes I get to thinking I am decent at cooking but then when I really think about it I realize I don't really know how to cook that much stuff...or at least not in practice. Then again I know lots of people who are doing well job/carreer wise or otherwise have their life together just throw things in the microwave....a lot of people my age have grown accustomed to that or grew up with parents who fed them a lot of microwave meals or prepackaged sort of food you just have to heat up so its also good to remember a lot of people haven't been actively taught to cook so its not just you. Aside from finding recipies though you could see if there's any free and/or affordable cooking classes you could go to...not sure what places all would offer that, I know the place I go to for therapy offers cooking classes through them so I may check one of those out but not sure what would be availible in your area.

As for laundry I don't think there's anything that weird about writing down directions....if it helps you remember. With my laundry I just throw it all in and wash it on normal usually....though there are a couple things I have to wash delicate or if somethings really dirty a higher setting may be nessiary. I don't really have any white clothes and don't use bleach typically, just oxi clean stuff to add in addition to soap its an endless task though at least for me I have a full load of dirty clothes, and still haven't put away all the clean ones from the last time which was like a week ago...and I don't really Iron not sure they'd ever get put away if I added that in.

Oh and the other never ending task, washing dishes...for some reason though I think its easier to just wash them in a sink than using a dishwasher...then you just put them in the soapy water, scrub them and rinse, with the dishwasher you scrap them, rinse them scrub off anything that sticks with non soapy water which takes twice the effort and then you have to arrange them so they fit run the dishwasher and then find out either the soap thing didn't automatically open, theirs residue on the dishes...or its almost full but not enough to justify wasting the water so you end up with dishes piling on the counters because the dishwashers full. If I had my way I'd just take the dishwasher away...but my moms boyfriend wouldn't be happy about that.

Perhaps a Home Economics book (aimed at approx 15yr olds ideally) would be a good investment, this would cover more generally practical material than the new Food Technology subject, imo.
You can rent one from the library first, to see if it would be a worthwhile purchase.

If you need to write down instructions, buy a pretty hardback journal and put all your notes in one place, explain to your bf that this is the way you need to do while you are learning; everyone has different learning styles, and this is the most effective way for you to learn many new things simultaneously.

Thanks for the replies, all helpful.

My boyfriend has a good memory, especially with numbers and statistics, and he seems to think that everyone should have a good memory and learn the same way as him. See, I told you NTs can have difficulties putting themselves in other people's shoes. Especially men. But it's just a quirk of his, and he can't help his quirks no more than I can help my quirks.

I know how to wash the dishes, clean up, hoover, dust, hang clothes up to dry, etc etc. I think I am better with doing the dishes than he is, because often I've seen dried food still on the knives and forks after they've been put away. I have a knack of making sure I cannot see or feel any food on anything when I wash up. So some things I am good at, and so I know I am capable of learning more.

I am instinctively motivated to love my boyfriend, spend time with him, listen to him, feel interested in him, etc, you know, all the emotional side of the relationship. But learning new skills of doing tasks or physical work seems to take me longer to learn. I know I need to get my arse in gear and get a grip. I suppose I knew this day would come where I would be planning on moving in with a guy and getting married, and not be living with my parents forever. I just didn't think it would be so soon. I thought it would take me years from now to find a man I fall in love with. But this is what I WANTED to happen, so I am not complaining. I'm just saying.

So I will buy a book or two on home economics, and hopefully it will sink in. Also some things I will just have to learn as I go along. It'd be OK once I am used to pre-married life with a partner. But it's just the beginning still.

What a sweet post, haven't read one like that before. As i think Sweetleaf said, there is nothing wrong with writing things down, at least till you the hang of it. He has his quirks, you have yours (though really that's not a quirk) so feel confident to write things down when you want, its your way and he can embrace that. I am slow to learn some things, often of a practical nature, but then i get really good at them, better than most, perhaps you are the same. Sound like you are definitely better at washing up If you are that worried about the cooker, you really won't have an accident. My cooker is guess, and i used to have an electronic handheld click lighter thing for cookers..until i lost it, but they are cheap! Will be fine though A tip, i have learned for remembering stuff and picking up new things is, don't try so hard. Sounds strange doesn't it, but the harder you try, the more information you miss, and the more your brain channels out. In my job for example, when new people are being trained, the ones that try to concentrate hard on every word they are being told, usually begin their job with less of an idea what to do. This is perhaps because they are trying so hard to hear and remember every little word, they don't hear the more important 'bigger picture'. That i think is more useful, and is heard actually when people are less focussed on what the rules are or what they are meant to be doing. Good luck, I'm sure you will do very well, and when and if you mess up, that's all normal, and can be part of the fun

You have some lovely, good intentions and I get the whole thing about your boyfriend working full time, therefore you don't mind being the one to do most of the domestic responsibilities. There's nothing wrong with that basically.

However, I don't think it's good these days to think in terms of being the only "housewife" in the house. Even if your boyfriend works full time and you work less hours, I still strongly believe in sharing as much of the household chores as possible, and no ONE person being "the housewife." I think that notion can start to tip into one person taking advantage of the other, at worst.

When my husband and I were both working full time, we arrived home and cooked together. We were both as tired as each other, so why make one person responsible for the meal alone?

We also did our laundry together once a week. It's more fun that way, even. You can get to have conversation time and you're doing something together instead of ONE person slaving at it.

In this modern age I think it's dangerous to think of only one person in the household carrying to entire can, when it's two adults who ought to take some responsibility for their own stuff.

Don't fall into the trap of being the "little woman" who puts the meal on the table and irons the shirts.

I hate ironing and any man who needs it I'm going to tell him to damn well iron his own f*****g shirts, he's not a baby. What did he do when he lived alone before I moved in? He ironed his own shirts.

Sorry but the "housewife" notion when TWO people are wearing clothes, TWO people are making a mess, TWO people are using the toilet and dirtying the bathtub, rubs me the wrong way.

TWO people need to do their share if two people are sharing everything.

To add slightly to birdies train of thought, start the habits that you intend to mantain, if you think you can complete all these chores while you work part time then, go for it. Having defined roles of breadwinner and housewife is imo not the best start to living together. Mantain your ability to earn an income... get a part time job and split the housework. It is a more equal footing and could be a better decision in the long term; housework does not hold the same value as paid employment, by any society, your bf already seems to think the chores are simple/easy.

Laundry:
I do four different standard machines
Darks, lights, reds and whites. All of them are done at 50C with pre-wash cycle.

Lights is yellows together with pale blues, greens and greys. Darker hues go in the darks.
Reds is anything red, purple or orange.

Anything with wool needs to be washed cold at 30C without a spinning cycle or it will shrink. Ideally it should be dried flat.

Really dirty work clothes I wash seperately too. Usually they will be covered in cement, builder dust or soil.
If you use a tumble dryer fold things as they come out and they will hardly need any ironing.

No advice the buttons though. Good luck with those

I've been a great housewife for the better part of 28 years and I will gladly tell you anything you need to know about keeping house.

Make a schedule of what has to be one an when based on ya'lls needs and stick to it. I can tell you mine if you want. I can also give you detailed instructions on how to do things like laundry and even how to clean things that you might not have had to do at home before. I can also give you some simple and cheap recipes as well.

Just let me know what you want to learn and I'll gladly teach you.

I agree that you shouldn't think of yourself as a housewife, doing all the domestic duties while your boyfriend works. This isn't 1950. He shouldn't expect you to do all his ironing for him. If he managed to take care of everything by himself before you, he can do it now. You're not his domestic slave. I get that you want to contribute, but he needs to understand that you need to learn things a certain way and that it might take longer. If he's so fussy about groceries, he can damn well buy them himself. If he doesn't have the patience to help you adjust to this new lifestyle, then he doesn't respect you enough and you should find someone who does.

It is not hard at all to be one Maybe you should read some useful article on the housekeeping. There is a website http://cohomag.com with a lot of housekeeping tips on it. It helped me a lot some time ago. Have a look there

I am a housewife and have been for most of my 28 year marriage. I didn't work for most of our marriage and because I stayed home and took care of the kids, I felt that the house is my job. It's not because I'm a lady, it's because I'm the one at home and not the one working outside the home. Keeping a home nicely and cooking good food for your family and raising kids is a full time job. It's not demeaning at all to be in charge of the house, if that is what we chose to do.

It doesn't mean I'm the maid and people drop things on the floor and don't do their share, but I'm the one in charge of it and I do give chores to others and I have my way I like things done and I spend my time getting the things done that have to be done. My husband has done his part many times, and when I'm sick or just sick of doing it for a few days then he does it. He does the basic cleaning, cooking and some laundry but not the in depth and detailed stuff. I also take care of the bills and handle all the money, because I see what we need for the house and the kids tell me what they need as does my husband, and I'm great at shopping and finding deals. I enjoy doing what I'm doing and I'm very far from a submissive "little woman" or "barefoot and pregnant" even when I was literally barefoot and pregnant because you don't have to wear shoes in the house.

I think the idea of being a housewife has gotten a bad name. I'm a feminist and I certainly believe that we should have the same opportunities and pay and respect as men do, and I'm also pro choice even though I have four kids. It seems to many women that we should be free to choose this job or that job, or the career over yonder but to choose to stay home and raise your kids and take care of the house is a choice that should be taken away from women as completely as the idea of women soldiers who weren't WAC's or WAVE's was back in the 40s. I don't see whats wrong with that choice, it's a valid one. I'm very happy with it and I don't feel deprived. I've done lots of different things from time to time during my marriage, and I've worked when I needed to, or wanted to, or just wanted to try to do this one cool job that I was interested in. I have no regrets about it, and I'm fulfilled but not by sweet aprons and precious curtains and easy peasy bread recipes, but by following through on my choices and pursuing my goals and desires whether they are of the Donna Reed variety or one of the many others that I wanted to do, and did.

If you weren't putting down housewives, then disregard this, but I get that a lot from people and I always speak up.

We have an old busted gas stove that has to be lit with matches. I've never once burned myself. Just hold the match near the end and turn the gas on slowly. Maybe move the grate off the burner if you can. And if you are still worried they make real long kitchen matches just for that purpose.

One thing to keep in mind is you can't trust high and low on the knobs on a gas stove, look at the flame.

Hi
Maybe you can visit him for one week and try it out. I really think a couple should share in the household chores myself but each couple has to sort things out for themselves. There are no set rules. The main thing is you both should be happy with the arrangement otherwise, with time, resentment and anger will set in.

In regards to the stove/cooker with the broken knob, maybe he can have it repaired.