Do you feel more like males than females?
I wouldn't say that I feel more like one than the other. I feel androgynous.
Growing up I was a bit tomboyish, and really eschewed anything "girly," but now I dress in a very feminine way and tend to be very ladylike. There are pictures of me as a child where I looked like a girl, and others where I looked more like a boy.
I've been told that my way of thinking is very male. I do tend to relate more to how men think than how women think.
In general I feel more comfortable being around males than females, or I used to anyway, but at this point in my life I've become more afraid of men. I used to find it much easier to become friends with men than with women, however now I think that was largely because they had a sexual interest in me. I fear being too friendly with men in case it is misinterpreted.
In my experience, some of the common stereotypes about men and women are completely backwards. I find men to be far more emotionally reactive and irrational about things than women, however men also tend to be much better at giving emotional understanding and support. I find women tend to be much more unempathetic. But maybe it is more about how people relate to *me* and not how they are in general.
I find it harder to relate to women than men, because women seem to identify much more strongly with gender roles and in particular with being a mother. Women who have children seem to view their entire life through that lens and I can understand why they do, but I've never wanted that.
I feel like men tend to be more accepting of a women who doesn't fit the prescribed gender roles, than women are...actually they seem to have a certain respect for that, whereas women can be sort of patronizing about it and even sort of exclusionary like "you're not one of us."
I think what bothers me, is women in general seem to view who they are largely in relation to other people...wife, mother, daughter, girlfriend, friend of so-and-so, etc. and use it as a kind of social status to measure other women by and create a pecking order around it. I notice that conversations among women usually begin, end, and revolve mostly around their roles in relation to other people.
I am single and childless, and I think of myself as just "me" and have never really wanted to do otherwise...although I would like to be married, I could never see myself joining in amongst a group of women and talking about myself as if that defines who I am...or worse join in the kind of male bashing married women tend to do.
Sometimes I feel almost like I am invisible to other women because they can't label me and relate to me as a "mother" or "wife." It's almost like they have no concept of how a woman might live and exist without being one or both of those things, so they have nothing to talk to me about.
On the other hand, I get the sense that some men probably have a lot of things in mind about how a single and childless woman might spend her time if she was so inclined (being their "mistress").
Sometimes when I think about gender roles and human sexuality, I just want to stop the world and get off right now. I guess I used to be take a more romantic view of things, but now it all looks very ugly to me.
I'm NT, btw. I get along better with men. I would prefer to work with all men. In my job, women are caddy and backstabbers. It's all about who can outrank each other in their degrees. I don't know if Aspie women are different, as I know only NT females to my knowledge, but it's all about hair, nails, purses, shoes, boyfriends, outfits and keeping up with the Jones' in NT female Land. If men could take my small talk needs, I'd love to be in a world of all men.
_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.
I'm a cis, hetero female who probably has more male than female friends. My best friend is a guy (incidentally, I have a major crush on him). On some days, I can dress extremely feminine, and on other days, I can be as androgynous as possible. As a kid, I had more interest in stereotypically "manly" things than "girly" things. I do have a handful of good or decent female friends (including one who said she wanted to hang out more last weekend), but I find myself getting along with men more often.
Also, I stumbled across this pic several months ago, and this fits:
my woman feels exactly your feeling , I will try in the responses of other possible explanations
_________________
http://appassionaticasetteinlegno.myblog.it/2015/05/07/la-vera-casa-di-legno-e-migliore-del-mattone
lostonearth35
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Joined: 5 Jan 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,636
Location: Lost on Earth, waddya think?
I don't get it. When I was a kid I was taught that girls can do boy things and boys can do girl things. If I wanted to play with action figures and not just female dolls, that was not a problem. If I would rather play video games and read comic books than have a tea party, that was okay, too. But I'm always hearing that boys and girls who are into things that are stereotypically the opposite of their gender are often gay or born the wrong gender. And then there are the idiots who think if your kid does anything that was originally meant for the opposite gender, even girls wearing pants, means you are a bad parent setting them up for homosexuality. These same idiots even have their own books about this! Is your son playing with a baby doll? No, that doesn't help him practice being a good, loving and nurturing father in case he has real kids one day, smack it out of his hand!
But anyway, sometimes I feel more like a male, which I think is mostly due to all these confusing and conflicting messages I get, and other times I know I really am a female, and I'm that glad I am, even when the evidence other than obviously different body parts is the time of month.
This is a VERY complicated topic for me....
As a kid, I felt very much like a girl. I loved makeup, playing dress-up, dancing like a ballerina, and playing with all the different fashion dolls I had. Even though I was pretty girly, I still wanted to be as cool and as tough as any boy.
As a teenager, I was bullied for how I looked. Boys would tell me "You're ugly," and "You look like a man." I felt like I had to prove to people that I was a girl. It was almost an obsession for me. I tried to look as girly as I possibly could without wearing uncomfortable clothes that revealed too much skin.
For the past year, I've been feeling kind of... strange. I've been having periods of time where I feel gender dysphoria. There's times when I look in the mirror and don't see a woman. I feel like I'm an awkward guy trying to pretend to be a girl. As of now, I identify as genderfluid. I don't know if it just took me long to understand what my gender is, or I'm in some sort of weird phase. All I know is that I feel part man and part woman, but in a woman's body. I also feel jealous of people more beautiful than me. The guy part of me is sad that he's in the body of a woman, but I don't know what to do. It makes me feel depressed talking about this.
Promise me, whoever is reading this, don't make fun of me for this. I'm not a "special snowflake," I'm just trying to understand what's going on with me. I think anyone in my shoes would feel the same, so please have empathy. (Sorry, I've been made fun of online about this.)
hugs. sorry people made fun of you for it. I can't really begin to understand other then having something happen late in life. but not really the same as what you have going one. wish I could offer advice. do feel empathy for you though, I imagine it feels tough to deal with it. I hope this comes across as kind and caring. :S
hugs.
I'm a hetero female, but yeah, I do tend to be more like a stereotypical man in that I enjoy sex without love, don't like to cuddle and dig those dumb Hangover movies. I'm not particularly warm or nurturing, but if I were a man, I don't think anyone would notice. I have no idea if it has anything to do with Asperger's, but women have a lot more cultural expectations placed on us to be always aware of what everyone else is feeling and to try to do something about it. When we don't, it gets noticed.
hugs.
Thank you for your kindness. *hugs*
I've always found men easier to interact with. They seem to be more straightforward. I get the impression the boys see me as one of them too. The women I meet who have a heard mentality seem to really struggle with me. They live by a set of social rules I have no interest in following. The 'bitchy women' label bothers me as not all are the same but certain groups of women are horrendous. The women I've met who are individually minded have been great. They indulge my need to discuss emotions which men do not. I have very few female friends and am simply one of the guys when my Man gets his friends together. These are often men only affairs but I "don't count" & am invited along.
It would be interesting to know if this is an Aspergers trait. I suspect I have Aspergers but view the traits as normal unless they are extreme and undeniably not 'normal'. I'm very interested in the research that has gone into establishing the spectrum and the suitability of the test to confirm or refute diagnosis.
I 100% get along better with girls. I don't understand people when they talk about guys being so much nicer and easier to get along with than girls. Who made fun of me for all of my quirks when I was a child? Guys. Well, I had some "friends" that were girls who did as well, but not to the same extent and not nearly quite as malicious. The only people that have EVER made of my looks or the way I've dressed? Guys again. Females have always been more accepting and willing to work with me... at least to my face, which is honestly good enough to me.
I didn't grow up having positive relationships with the men in my household. My father was emotionally absent when it came to me while still fostering great relationships with both of my siblings (I was a handful and an emotionally taxing child). My brother physically assaulted me-- I hate to sound dramatic, but at the end of the day that is what happened-- and I do not plan on being on speaking terms with him again in this lifetime as he will always believe it was justified. I have only had one healthy relationship with a guy (just friends) since I hit my teens and it was over the internet. We met playing an online game and bonded over similar interests. We still talk to this day and it has been over three years, but I think the only reason that friendship has turned out so well is because he's pretty feminine in a lot of ways.
So yeah, I don't identify with guys because I have a negative view over them as a whole. That said, a lot of my personality traits are more masculine and I get poked fun at often for being "such a guy" in the way I go about things. A lot of that gets overshadowed because I'm overly sensitive. Outwardly, I appear to be pretty feminine, though.
TLDR: No, I don't feel more like males than females but things might have been different if it weren't for a slew of negative experiences.
xxZeromancerlovexx
Veteran
Joined: 24 Jul 2010
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,915
Location: In my imagination
As a kid, I felt very much like a girl. I loved makeup, playing dress-up, dancing like a ballerina, and playing with all the different fashion dolls I had. Even though I was pretty girly, I still wanted to be as cool and as tough as any boy.
As a teenager, I was bullied for how I looked. Boys would tell me "You're ugly," and "You look like a man." I felt like I had to prove to people that I was a girl. It was almost an obsession for me. I tried to look as girly as I possibly could without wearing uncomfortable clothes that revealed too much skin.
For the past year, I've been feeling kind of... strange. I've been having periods of time where I feel gender dysphoria. There's times when I look in the mirror and don't see a woman. I feel like I'm an awkward guy trying to pretend to be a girl. As of now, I identify as genderfluid. I don't know if it just took me long to understand what my gender is, or I'm in some sort of weird phase. All I know is that I feel part man and part woman, but in a woman's body. I also feel jealous of people more beautiful than me. The guy part of me is sad that he's in the body of a woman, but I don't know what to do. It makes me feel depressed talking about this.
Promise me, whoever is reading this, don't make fun of me for this. I'm not a "special snowflake," I'm just trying to understand what's going on with me. I think anyone in my shoes would feel the same, so please have empathy. (Sorry, I've been made fun of online about this.)
I've been compared to Weird Al physically and it really hurt. Ever since then I haven't felt feminine at all. Basically I wore my hair down and a family member told my mom "You know who it would look like if it was curly at the top? Weird Al. Weird Al Yankovic." I actually haven't worn my hair down at all because I don't see myself as feminine anymore.
Not to mention another family member agrees.
_________________
“There’s a lesson that we learn
In the pages that we burn
It’s written in the ashes of the fire below”
-Down, The Birthday Massacre
I always had an easier time talking to guys about my age than I did other girls. For at least one semester of high school I ate lunch with the same group of guys pretty much every day and I enjoyed the conversations we had. If I didn't understand what they were talking about then one of them explained it to me. Compared to girls who either only gossiped about our classmates or whined about their own drama...
Boys were always much more straightforward. But I never tried to deny that I see myself as female. If only because I still have some generally female interests like stuffed animals.
_________________
My Aspie score: 163 of 200
My NT score: 45 of 200
I am very likely neurodiverse.
xxZeromancerlovexx
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Joined: 24 Jul 2010
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,915
Location: In my imagination
Boys were always much more straightforward. But I never tried to deny that I see myself as female. If only because I still have some generally female interests like stuffed animals.
Now, I am a cisgender, hetero female, but the whole drama and gossip thing really irritates me. I identify as female, but that doesn't mean that I have stereotypical female interest and have the stereotypical female mindset.
When I hear other women go on and on about stuff about their boyfriends and everything related to that all I can really say to them is "I'm sorry." if they broke up or something like that or if they're a happy couple "Good for you. I wish you two the best." because I don't know how that feels.
I don't get attached to people. I was very attached to one of my ex-boyfriends, but that didn't go so great. So, let's say I date a guy and he were to break up with me and find another woman I'd just shrug and say "Whatever." simply because I've learned not to let that crap get to me.
_________________
“There’s a lesson that we learn
In the pages that we burn
It’s written in the ashes of the fire below”
-Down, The Birthday Massacre
sometimes i do
I'm a girl but i've been mistaken as a boy (when i'm not wearing girly stuffs) because of my short hair. I don't really understand girl talks, but i get along with some girls that also don't have interest in girl talks (such as gossip, make up, dress, etc). We made a good friendship I think. Boys are straightforward, less drama, i liked it. But when a boy start to pick on me (tease me overly), that's kinda annoy me. I just don't understand.
lostonearth35
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Joined: 5 Jan 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,636
Location: Lost on Earth, waddya think?
Today a t the book store I saw a bunch of children's books about historical people who changed the world, and along with Albert Einstein and Abe Lincoln they had a book about Lucille Ball. Well that was different, so I picked the book up and had a look at it. It said that even as a little girl she loved being wacky and making people laugh but she lived in an age where a girl being wacky, funny, or doing anything the least bit fun it seems, was "not proper". Some people said she was really brave for wanting to entertain people by being funny, but for her it was natural. I read that as a kid she once decorated some clothespins to look like people and had all kinds of adventures, which was also "not proper". It was when she was twelve that someone for the first time -her principal- called what she did a talent. And in a positive way. And years after she's still one of the most beloved female comedians in history.
It occurred to me years ago that really good female comedians like Carol Burnette or Gilda Radner are funny because they didn't act like "proper girls". Carol yelling like Tarzan or dressing like an asparagus on The Muppet Show, Gilda's "Dear Rosanna Danna" bit that has such an aspie-eque tone to it. And yet even now it's like some people still think women can't be funny or wacky because it's not normal. Whatever. I was also "not proper" as a little girl", only it was (usually) more accepted.
At the end of the book I saw some photos of her, including one where she was maybe three
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