getting a diagnosis made me sad, not what I expected

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Without going into all kinds of detail, I'm a 40 year old married woman, mother of three, and I got diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder last week. I thought I was going to be happy, or at peace with this. But just reading about myself in that way was surreal. And it wasn't personalized, it seemed copied and pasted in a lot of areas, and like she had copied one too many lines because there were things I told her didn't happen for me that she included. She took them out when I pointed it out, but it left me feeling shaken by the whole process. Like does she even know what she is doing? I thought it was going to feel concrete this way, like she would say, "yes, I observed you and you absolutely have autism". But instead it felt really subjective, as if I came in saying, "I think I might have autism" and she said, "yeah, you probably do..." It feels like I talked her into it or something. I did score 175 on the RAADS-R, so I think I really have it. But she told me she would not be able to tell I had it if she just met me outside of her office. She said my voice is typical and emotive, and my eye contact is normal. I asked her how or if I should disclose this to people and she kind of gave me the standard wishy washy answer, as if she hadn't spent hours with me and couldn't figure out how to personalize this towards me. I left feeling let down and really sad. I cried on the way home. I don't understand what's wrong, this is what I wanted. Why can't I accept this now that it's for real? It's like I keep going over questions and thinking "maybe I gave her the wrong idea about that" or "maybe I answered that one wrong". Anyone else go through this, and what did you do to feel okay about it all?

I can say from personal experience it can take a long while to accept, or just plain get used to it. I know it will take time, and some days will be better than others, there is nothing wrong with you. Take a deep breath, clear your head, and just give it time.

This is spookily close to my own story. I received my diagnosis a few weeks ago now.

I felt the same about the report. It was uncomfortable to read and didn't feel like it captured me too well. I felt cold and disappointed and I think it was because I expected something very clear and it does state it clearly but it left me with doubts that he didn't really get me.

I feel I am more Aspie than he appreciated and so the diagnosis is sound but I know exactly what you mean.

I can totally relate. I am a 42 year old woman married with one eight year old
Son. My diagnosis was six months ago and I went through exactly the same thing afterwards. To be honest I felt like a fraud like I had convinced them pr something. Its a bit like the grieving process and you must allow yourself to go through it. Now I have been able to reflect a while I am much more at ease about being on the spectrum. I haven't told many people just 2 close friends and my employer. I made the decision not to tell my parents as they wouldn't understand and I don't see any benefit on upsetting them. I hope you can find your happy place with this and would love to hear how you get on.

Hi Mrs Catlady

I'm not out yet and I worry that telling my employer would damage my career - how did your employer respond? Are you glad you disclosed?

Thanks

Hi Darcygirl
I wrestled with wether or not to disclose but eventually I came to feel strongly that it was the right thing to do. I hate dishonesty
I am a nurse and we register every 12 months so I informed the govrrning nurse council and my line manager. She said sorry to hear that like I just told her I had leprosy but haven't heard anything back since. That was sixonths ago. I have also disclosed to one of our charge nurses during an appraisal because it is relevant to thay situation. No one else has been told because some would discrominate and some probably won't understand. I have been doing the job for 23 years. I have never been off sick and have no inerest in work cliques or gossip and my colleagues generally say they respecte because I never get on a flap and stay calm when the bad stuff happens.and I work hard. Patients tend to come right out with it and say whats troubling them anywayI did expect to be made redundant and if that happens plan to go self employed anyway so might be a catalyst for positive things. So I would say write down a list of pros and cons and make the rest decision for you. Yes some people will be as*holes about it but don't waste any time or energy worrying about it. Best of luck. Let me know how you get on

It sounds like the way she treated you, not the diagnosis itself, made you sad. Am I reading correctly?

It sounds like she was super dismissive and reductive, and didn't seem to care about you as an individual much. That would make me very sad too.

are there an online tests or something?

There are but they don't mean anything. They're screening tools at best. None can provide an objective diagnosis.

Some of them can give you a good indication on whether one should persue further investigation. Cambridge University has put out one and I doubt an esteemed university like that would put out worthless garbage as most people around here seem to think. Of course being the internet there are worthless online tests but not every one is worthless. The amount of times a statement is repeated does not equate to it being truthful.

Indication to pursue diagnosis. So a screening. Valid, but to screen. Not to diagnose.

Right. But your original statement said they don't mean anything.

I have seen the other threads so I know what's being looked for. Any ones that can diagnose. For that there are none that mean anything for a diagnosis. Sorry. Forgot not everyone has seen what I've seen. There was a thread in the general asking if they were autistic. I can link it if you want but this is going off topic. Sorry original poster.

No problem. The RAADS-R is actually online as well, and it's the only one I took at the evaluation. The other one that's really popular, not sure what it's called, but gives you a circle graph with a line showing how far over towards Aspie you are - that one I didn't score as Aspie, just really close. So I don't feel that one was much good for anything.

That's called the aspie quiz. It's more of a personality quiz than anything, like those ones people post on facebook. Supposedly. I don't use facebook.

And I believe the RAADS-R uses the observation of a professional rather than self observation. But correct me if I'm wrong on that.

Yeah, the RAADS-R she had me take on my own. Then I got to her office and she asked me the questions and wouldn't tell me what I had put before. So it's partly professional observation. However, taking it online gave me a really good idea that I could pursue diagnosis and likely get it. The other test mislead me for years that I wasn't quite on the spectrum.