getting diagnosed soon

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Hi, I'm 23 and i've had suspicions for years. I have an appointment for diagnosis in a month, with a (male) psychiatrist.

I'm absolutely terrified that he'll say I'm making it all up. I have a huge list of reasons why I think i'm an aspie, and I keep accusing myself of "just begging for attention." I know that's just conditioning, but I'm still stuck with all this fear and anger. Why wasn't I diagnosed as a kid??? It was so goddamn obvious.

I called my dad today and told him and it just felt wrong and weird.

I feel like a scared 6 year old again. I'm embarrassed to admit that I feel like I'm a child and can't calm down by myself. It's so humiliating.

I also feel so happy that I've finally found an explanation for all of this, and can stop blaming myself

Hope it goes well.

Hey budgiezilla! I'm 20 and in a similar boat. I had an appointment with a new psychologist who specializes in the presentation of women's aspergers just this week.

I have been researching into Asperger's for almost a year and have spoken to 4 different psychologists and psychiatrists all oh whom had no interest in the discussion, which I found really heartbreaking. I don't now if you had the same experience but when I read about all this stuff I had the same feeling like I was about to start a running race; my heart was beating in my ears, the tips of my fingers were full of nervous energy, but I was also scared that I was about to fall flat on my face.

"What if I'm making this all up? Am I just doing this for attention?"

I spoke to my parents (2x bio and 2x step-) and they ALL just didn't 'see' it. But every time I got brick walled I would just bounce back into the books and find comfort in the facts.

Finally I convinced both my parents that I was serious and they have warmed to the idea... That's all I needed though!

I was so nervous about seeing this new woman, but she was so so kind and supportive and considerate, she let me take my time and was able to help me articulate things I've never been able to before. I just will need to convince my folks to help pay for the assessment

All I can say is I know you must be nervous but don't be! It is the psychiatrists job to listen to how YOU feel. A good line to use would be that regardless of whether he thinks its asperger's or not, all of the symptoms that are affecting you are the same as the symptoms of asperger's, so the same kinds of support or therapies used will benefit you anyway... I hope this helps, maybe write dot points of topics you want to talk about because I always forget things!

GOod luck! (you don't need it)

If he really sucks then just go to someone else, my psychologist was really surprised to hear that I'd been through so many others.

Let us know how it goes!
n

11 more days!

Thank you Darcygirl

Nizzle -

That's so cool you found someone who specializes in women. The person I found specializes in young adults, so hopefully he has experience with women too.

You're right, if I don't get the diagnosis, I'll still have the same problems with the same solutions. I think my biggest fear right now is just having him be rude to me which I can totally recover from.

If I freak out (and i will lol) I'll reread this thread again. Thanks!

Ok I went today. There is no verdict yet, but the psychiatrist said he doesn't think I'm autistic, but very similar. (lol wut?) a couple thoughts about that:

1. I am a VERY good performer in like all aspects of the word. I can make people think I am a totally different person than I am. I can fake looking totally composed onstage. Etc. etc. etc. I am a very good actor, which is common for women with asd, and keep in mind I have been preparing for this appointment for months. I never went nonverbal or got confused since I have been reading about this obsessively. I think I need to make that 100% clear to him next time I meet him.

2. There are things I didn't mention, like how I stim, and other stuff. My boyfriend tells me I stim constantly by rocking back and forth, which I have never noticed. I also didn't tell him about self-harm or my childhood weirdness (just ran out of time)

3. I didn't go into detail about how I have problems understanding speech sometimes, or how bad my sensory issues are. need to emphasize that.

4. He kept saying I'm definitely high functioning. But when I'm left alone for more than a couple days, I cannot eat, sleep, clean, drink, take care of myself at all, or plan, and I feel suicidal. Would you call that high-functioning??? Need to communicate that.

5. He didn't ask anything about executive dysfunction (like problems with decision making) and I didn't have time to mention. My brain cannot handle this question: "what do i eat?" which sounds so embarrassing and dumb but I seriously shut down.

I'm confused why he would say I'm not autistic, but very similar. Like.... what would be the difference?? I really think it's just that I appeared composed and knowledgeable, and mentioned I am a grad student. Which I was, because I prepared like CRAZY, and could focus really well because I worked myself up to it. That doesn't mean not autistic.

I got Ativan... sweet.

Oh, and he referred me to a person who does testing. My mental health insurance doesn't cover it, of course, (f**k Value Options) but I think I will do it because I want as many opinions as possible.

Hey Budgie! Yup, that's what happened to me the first 3 dudes I went through. Mimicking behaviour I reckon has gotten me really far (my parents are polar opposites so it wasn't difficult to find the healthy medium once I reached late adolescence.

My advice for you is to go in equipped next time, I haven't done this (I've tried alot) but if you can basically add those points you noted and back them up with one or two experiences you've had then your argument is alot stronger. THe doc I went to see was pretty surprised when I told her the other psych's had minimised or dismissed what I was saying.

1. it sounds like you are a good performer, ( i have also been reading about this obsessively for almost a year now) but can you think of examples where you may have 'dropped the act' as it were or suddenly became really anxious?

For me, I was feeling pretty confident going into the student elections in high school, but when I took to the podium, I had this crazzzzzy anxiety and my voice started shaking and I started rambling and going off on tangents and I still get embarrased about it (5years ago now haha). I wasn't expecting that at all, I felt like I'd been stripped of my normally 'cool' demeanour. The same thing happened at uni doing presentations, but luckily I could cover it up (-ish) by walking around and waving my hands around, looking just above everyone's heads or whatnot.

for number 4. YEAH OMG I go weird after no structure for days, I thought I was just lazy but it does really make sense, food gets hard because I get worried about having a balanced diet, then I throw that all out the door and just eat like 20 bowls of cereal and toast all day.

I went to an ASD youth-support group with a bunch of 18-30 year olds which was pretty cool, the guys there were all pretty aspie but the girls were completely different!! !! That made me feel awesome, just because I can fake it doesn't mean I've made it.

My parents must think of boy aspies because they still don't 'see' it. But they've agreed to get the tests done (i'm v v nervous about that) because it's like multiple tests and interviews and stuff but I'm hoping that my true self can shine through.

ANYWAY my advice (aside from just reading through this again) is to keep yourself in the loop, I find that reading about aspergers makes be feel calmer and clearer, whenever I doubt myself i can read through other people's stories and I always relate to them heaps and it makes me feel more normal. if your bf is on board (that's great) perhaps consider getting him to come in and talk to a psych as well (my psych will interview my mum on my development as part of the test) but MAINLY if he is on board, get him to help you find structure. Aspies are all individuals, with individual needs. So try and find what works for you, no matter how embarrassing you think it might sound.

LISTS are so awesome, I seriously attribute the majority of my successes to my to-do lists. Even suggestion lists such as "foods to eat for meals:" "foods to eat for snacks", set rough routines, or write lists of the things you have to or want to do everyday (ie, eat breaky, meditate, wash up, eat lunch, read book) just really basic things to help get over bumps in the road.

I've rambled heaps so I hope at least some of this is helpful. Good luck with future apps!

ps how can you be not autistic but very similar? what does that mean? not autistic because you are high functioning??? well duh that's what asperger's is.