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Peejay
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14 Sep 2015, 12:21 pm

I too did not initially realise that this was womens forum, I just thought it was an interesting and challenging title that I would like to discuss/debate with others in an open minded way.
I think the word `horrible` initially enticed me to join in, to try and state what I feel is a more balanced view that this was a bit strong.

I have subsequently found once again as I did in the 80s when I first began to be interested in womens issues and their importance
(NB. importance for everyone NOT just women) that a section of women seem to want to keep the debate to themselves, and while hammering your everyday misogynist, they will also attack men in general which includes men who really want to support them (this is a little short-sighted)

This is the crazy bit.... some women complain about things like misogyny but then will not tell us (men) how to improve things/help or change!

So if this forum is just a place that women want for women to vent or share that is fine by me.

I perhaps misguidedly thought we might have a debate to improve understanding. My point is that I don`t see WP as having "so many horrible misogynists" just the regular amount if not a bit less than normal. And also misogyny is of course horrible, so the horrible was unnecessary really. (not really a major point though.. I get the idea that the OP was putting forward)

So I too would support a women only policy if thats what women voted for.....
However I still feel that choosing isolation is misguided, inclusivity is where its at in my book. You have to live with people to change them.

However I firmly believe that this is womens responsibility to lead change here otherwise its just hot air, and I still believe this in spite of what some women have posted.

I have asked a couple of times here for ideas of how women intend to change this misogyny. (I suppose educating their little boys to respect women better would be a start and not be too forceful in gender role delineation)

I have been asked in reply "why should women have to do this for men".
Well this is so we know how best to help!
but it seems my offer of support here is being rejected... that is like cutting your nose off to spite your face

Therefore the question then is this ... If women are not prepared to set the agenda and lead men (yes the world!) in these issues then who else is going to?

Don`t hold your breath for change to happen on its own, women and men must force it to happen (yes together)

So I ask again how can we work together to make a situation where there are fewer misogynists on WP?
thats a start.

...its everyones job to help surely..... but its a no brainer that it is womens job to lead the way, or at least set the agenda.



Inle
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14 Sep 2015, 12:51 pm

I've stayed away from this thread for the last couple of days, the responses overwhelmed me. I feel now, though, that I need to clarify a few things. It was NOT my intention to offend any of the men on this forum. I have witnessed a lot of misogyny here in the short space of time that I've been a member (I would be breaching forum rules to provide examples - sorry). I wanted to see if other female members experienced it more here than irl, because honestly it makes me very anxious. Due to systematic childhood trauma, I have a hard time feeling safe around ANYBODY, so I found it even more alarming to think that many men (more alarming because they are stronger than me) automatically resent me, wish me harm, or view me negatively, purely because I am female. I do not hate men, I am in a loving relationship with one, but I can't tell which men mean me harm, and which don't, especially if people aren't outspoken in their views of women. I was trying to express my thoughts on MISOGYNISTS when I used the term 'terrible'. I had believed that the majority of people agreed that misogyny is terrible, I now see that not everyone feels that way. If any of you think that it's ok to be misogynistic (or racist, ageist, ableist etc....) then I guess there's nothing that can be done.

However, if you feel that misogyny is wrong, and you witness it on here, please speak up! We need you (men too!) to help us feel safe here, and everywhere! I will do my best to do the same for you gents, and be more sensitive towards you in future. Sorry again for any offense caused. If anyone is worried about their behaviour, I'd be happy to talk to you via PM :)



Lukeda420
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14 Sep 2015, 1:01 pm

Peejay wrote:
I too did not initially realise that this was womens forum, I just thought it was an interesting and challenging title that I would like to discuss/debate with others in an open minded way.
I think the word `horrible` initially enticed me to join in, to try and state what I feel is a more balanced view that this was a bit strong.

I have subsequently found once again as I did in the 80s when I first began to be interested in womens issues and their importance
(NB. importance for everyone NOT just women) that a section of women seem to want to keep the debate to themselves, and while hammering your everyday misogynist, they will also attack men in general which includes men who really want to support them (this is a little short-sighted)

This is the crazy bit.... some women complain about things like misogyny but then will not tell us (men) how to improve things/help or change!

So if this forum is just a place that women want for women to vent or share that is fine by me.

I perhaps misguidedly thought we might have a debate to improve understanding. My point is that I don`t see WP as having "so many horrible misogynists" just the regular amount if not a bit less than normal. And also misogyny is of course horrible, so the horrible was unnecessary really. (not really a major point though.. I get the idea that the OP was putting forward)

So I too would support a women only policy if thats what women voted for.....
However I still feel that choosing isolation is misguided, inclusivity is where its at in my book. You have to live with people to change them.

However I firmly believe that this is womens responsibility to lead change here otherwise its just hot air, and I still believe this in spite of what some women have posted.

I have asked a couple of times here for ideas of how women intend to change this misogyny. (I suppose educating their little boys to respect women better would be a start and not be too forceful in gender role delineation)

I have been asked in reply "why should women have to do this for men".
Well this is so we know how best to help!
but it seems my offer of support here is being rejected... that is like cutting your nose off to spite your face

Therefore the question then is this ... If women are not prepared to set the agenda and lead men (yes the world!) in these issues then who else is going to?

Don`t hold your breath for change to happen on its own, women and men must force it to happen (yes together)

So I ask again how can we work together to make a situation where there are fewer misogynists on WP?
thats a start.

...its everyones job to help surely..... but its a no brainer that it is womens job to lead the way, or at least set the agenda.


Misogyny is a human problem therefore humans must work to fix it (both men & women) Arguing about which gender is responsible for leading the charge is pointless and won't help advance equal rights. Anyone who is against gender discrimination and speaks out against it are leading the charge. Besides progress is being made. It may be slower going than many people want but nevertheless we are getting better when it comes to discrimination and prejudice.

And to the OP, I think this was a perfectly fine thread to start and you should not feel bad about any of the contentious arguments that have occurred here. This is a very contentious subject mainly because, I believe, that there are a lot of disagreement on what is and isn't an example of misogyny. P.S. You're still right about the majority thinking that misogyny is terrible.



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14 Sep 2015, 1:11 pm

Quote:
So I ask again how can we work together to make a situation where there are fewer misogynists on WP?
thats a start.


Actually, that is a different (and distinctly better) question than you asked earlier.

A good start would be to remove misogynistic posts and ban the handful of men who regularly make them. There are a few users who seem to want only to discuss the things they don't like about women. They even go onto threads that have nothing to do with that topic, and try to turn the conversation in that direction.
Also, I think it is particularly harmful to ignore misogynistic posts in L&D. If a regular Joe with ASD goes there for advice, what kind of advice is he going to receive? As it stands, that forum is creating misogynists.



Inle
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14 Sep 2015, 1:14 pm

YippySkippy wrote:
Quote:
So I ask again how can we work together to make a situation where there are fewer misogynists on WP?
thats a start.


Actually, that is a different (and distinctly better) question than you asked earlier.

A good start would be to remove misogynistic posts and ban the handful of men who regularly make them. There are a few users who seem to want only to discuss the things they don't like about women. They even go onto threads that have nothing to do with that topic, and try to turn the conversation in that direction.
Also, I think it is particularly harmful to ignore misogynistic posts in L&D. If a regular Joe with ASD goes there for advice, what kind of advice is he going to receive? As it stands, that forum is creating misogynists.


I don't know that we need to start banning people, but we do need to start challenging each other. If people are banned, they have no opportunity to change. I do fear that you're right about the sub-forum feeding misogyny though :(



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14 Sep 2015, 1:25 pm

Honestly the forums have been like this since I joined, however many years ago that was.

No section or subsection was immune. The forums as a whole are essentially not safe for women.

Despite repeatedly telling this to moderators over the years, multiple times, often as a group and having threads like this previously were large numbers of women wanted to see something done about this and let the moderators know, nothing has ever been done.

While I understand the moderators are unpaid, most of them have never taken misogyny seriously apart from maybe two exceptions over the years.

Most women have resorted to simply avoiding the worst parts in that regard which have always been L&D, AAI, and PPR. Some of us like me are just really tired in general of a lot of the crap here so we stop posting altogether, but this is definitely one of the major reasons that it happens.


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Lukeda420
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14 Sep 2015, 1:30 pm

YippySkippy wrote:
Quote:
So I ask again how can we work together to make a situation where there are fewer misogynists on WP?
thats a start.


Actually, that is a different (and distinctly better) question than you asked earlier.

A good start would be to remove misogynistic posts and ban the handful of men who regularly make them. There are a few users who seem to want only to discuss the things they don't like about women. They even go onto threads that have nothing to do with that topic, and try to turn the conversation in that direction.
Also, I think it is particularly harmful to ignore misogynistic posts in L&D. If a regular Joe with ASD goes there for advice, what kind of advice is he going to receive? As it stands, that forum is creating misogynists.


I agree with you. I can't speak to everything that happens behind the scenes here but I do know that there are very few mods here so it may be that some of these posts and users are just getting overlooked.



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14 Sep 2015, 1:32 pm

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I don't know that we need to start banning people, but we do need to start challenging each other. If people are banned, they have no opportunity to change.


A lot of people with ASD have special interests, and I think there're a handful of guys here for whom hating women is an obsessive hobby. I don't really care why they picked that hobby, and trying to change them just gives them the opportunity to talk about it even more. I'm tired of seeing their bile.



Claradoon
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14 Sep 2015, 2:29 pm

I would like to point out that I don't hate men. I do want a private group for women.

It occurs to me that observation changes the thing observed, in science. That would be true of women, too.

Perhaps you don't know that women are observed 24/7 and seek a safe place. Really.



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14 Sep 2015, 2:34 pm

Then find a women's only site if you're so paranoid of men reading. And just in case men try to go undercover, proof of being female needs to be shown. Timestamped genitalia.



Lukeda420
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14 Sep 2015, 2:42 pm

Claradoon wrote:
I would like to point out that I don't hate men. I do want a private group for women.

It occurs to me that observation changes the thing observed, in science. That would be true of women, too.

Perhaps you don't know that women are observed 24/7 and seek a safe place. Really.


How would you propose identifying who is male and who is female? That makes creating a private forum rather difficult. Again it isn't about men just observing women, there is an active discussion between men and women about the issues women face that men don't. I understand your desire for a safe haven just for women but in practice terms it really just isn't feasible here.



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14 Sep 2015, 2:48 pm

iliketrees wrote:
Then find a women's only site if you're so paranoid of men reading ...
Agreed. There is also the option of Claradoon starting an entirely new website of her own that is solely devoted to women's private conversations.

It would also serve to facilitate understanding if everyone first understood that it is neither misandry nor misogyny to:

• Illuminate an invalid assumption.

• Correct someone's factual errors.

• Point out someone's faulty reasoning.

• Express opinions that differ from the opinions of another person.

• Dismiss a claim as racist, sexist, or otherwise bigoted in any way.

• Refute a claim by using know facts and principles that have been successfully demonstrated over and over again.

Too many people seem to believe that they have been personally attacked when they have only been corrected or disagreed with. Too may people seem to believe that it isn't "safe" to post on a website where opposing views may be expressed, or where someone might point out where they are wrong. Too many people seem to believe that only people of the same sex, race, and/or disability should be allowed to express any opinions or engage in a meaningful conversation.

Banning people for "violating" someone else's personal beliefs would make a travesty of the highest ethics of fairness and free speech.

So if anybody wants a website where they can express their racist, sexist, and otherwise bigoted opinions without fear of disagreement, then I strongly suggest that they set up their own website for just that purpose.



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14 Sep 2015, 2:53 pm

iliketrees wrote:
Then find a women's only site if you're so paranoid of men reading. And just in case men try to go undercover, proof of being female needs to be shown. Timestamped genitalia.


The face/head would be enough to determine gender.



Lukeda420
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14 Sep 2015, 2:57 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
iliketrees wrote:
Then find a women's only site if you're so paranoid of men reading. And just in case men try to go undercover, proof of being female needs to be shown. Timestamped genitalia.


The face/head would be enough to determine gender.


You would be surprised. And besides how can you see that over the internet?



iliketrees
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14 Sep 2015, 2:59 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
iliketrees wrote:
Then find a women's only site if you're so paranoid of men reading. And just in case men try to go undercover, proof of being female needs to be shown. Timestamped genitalia.


The face/head would be enough to determine gender.

Can't risk feminine looking men or teenage boys, can we?



Inle
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14 Sep 2015, 3:07 pm

Oh dear. Perhaps a moderator should close this thread, it's become a train wreck.