Does fear of violence lead to deference to males?

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Yes, this. And what's scary is that it can be so hard to predict which way things will go. I've known guys who seemed very reasonable but then if they don't get what they want, a different side comes out.

It's not just that they might become violent, or use force...which they won't resort to if they think they might get thrown in jail for it. The violent intent can come out in other ways, like social backstabbing, or workplace retaliation.

I also believe that men are generally more emotional than women. When we think of emotions, a lot of the time we forget that anger too is an emotion.

I defer to men in a lot of situations, especially if they are aggressively trying to court me. I don't know if it's an irrational fear, but I'm afraid that if I reject them too harshly, they might become angry and retaliate or decide not to accept the rejection. I know that most men won't and are rational, but how can you know if you're dealing with a guy who will respect your decision and take the rejection in stride, or a guy who will react irrationally or with a sense of entitlement? So I'm as nice about it as possible and always try to say and do things in a way that tip-toes around their emotions.

I wouldn't expect that fear of violence would be a factor in most situations but men and women are socialized differently, with the result that women will tend to defer to men. I think if you're aware of it you can try to be more assertive and act with the confidence that men are to taught to act with but it can be hard to retrain yourself. I tend to present as very insecure and shy because it makes people not see me as a threat (as a fear response to past trauma). But it means that it is hard for me to be my real self and demand respect.

As this rather graphic sampler box of anecdotes shows, it's generally a matter of character(s) and circumstances. This isn't a dynamic I ever normally choose to involve myself in, the only reason I'll usually even speak this way is to call attention to an outside threat, like a big patch of ice ahead while skiing. It takes a lot to put me on edge because I've basically just had enough of that state of mind, it isn't healthy.

I kinda wish people would stop balancing their reasoning about this with shock value... I've seen most of the same violent patterns in males & females; I think the 'warrior gene', among other expressions of a violent nature pique more often among males but again it's all a matter of the genetic state lottery, if you will. When you get down to it, spotting the sociopaths/psychopaths in a given area is not terribly difficult. It's ordinarily a question of how much influence or money they have. Overbearing people don't like being cornered.

I don't know how that works with women because of the big, ancestral taboo against beating them if you're a man. I know people do abuse someone physically stronger when there are good reasons to expect them not to use their strength, though I'm not used to enjoying such a privilege. If they can beat me up and I annoy them enough, they will beat me up. In contrast, I've never been able to use any physical advantage in my favor, confidently and not thinking I was just a coward.



Well, I'm not a woman, and I still learned to defer to everyone in the belief that it's what everyone should really do. And part of my socialization included the persistent fact that, whenever I tried to act assertive, someone would remind me I wouldn't have the guts to physically fight them for whatever I was defending with mere words. I grew up with essentially no grasp of concepts like honor and courage, and, when I finally started learning why they are so important, I realized what an abject coward I am, and haven't felt able to be assertive anymore since then.

I think it's a rather recent, modern taboo, and generally speaking it's only taboo to get caught at it.