Are there aspie woman who love the freedom of being single?
I was married for 12 years and have been single for 13. I'm spoiled rotten and it would take a lot to get me to share my space! However, since discovering I'm probably on the spectrum I'm wondering how well I knew my ex and how well he knew me ... being that I'm only now getting to know myself, I'm thinking maybe if I found a man who understands me, maybe I could try again. I don't know whether I loved my ex at all - I was totally obsessed with him. Meanwhile he played me like a violin.... relationships are too confusing!!
I love being single but then sometimes get a call to the wild and want a boyfriend but I end up neglecting them when I lose interest or work becomes more exciting ect. Relationships are ones of the most difficult things for me so I'm just focusing on self development career, study and if I meet somebody that I like enough not to neglect then so be it.
yeah it's bad enough taking care of a parent who questions everything I do. I hate being questioned. I don't want to be questioned by a boyfriend.
It's occurred to me that I'm not meant to be with anyone. I'm too different and am getting old.
All of the infatuations I have lead to heart break. Just like relationships generally do. The only difference between me and most other people is that the infatuation never has any relationship phase in the middle.
Being single has its benefits
1. freedom to roam ( don't have to justify going out or staying home)
2. Go at your own pace. When attending events you can leave when you have had enough as you don't have to factor in anyone else unless they are your transport. I use public transport to get places.
I'm happy being single. I don't think I will ever find anyone and that doesn't worry me. I haven't made any effort in that area as I feel no need to. I have never been interested.
What I hate is making people feel inadequate because they are single.
Eg. I heard a 25 year old woman worrying about being "left on the shelf". For the love of all that is holy, being 25 and single does not mean the end of the line.
I have seen people that act like being 30 and unmarried means you are "damaged goods" ie there is something wrong with you.
you are just as important and worthy single as you are with a partner.
I don't hear people in their 30s talking about others as being damaged goods. I do hear about people separating from their partners and extolling the virtue of being single (taking pics of their kids, sunsets on the beach, the marathon they just ran, etc.)
I am single. I have no difficulty making friends, but having all the friends in the world isn't the same as having some romance and somebody around to hug. There are limits to the amount of soothing I can provide for myself or get from my friends and I know I'm neglecting that part of myself.
There is such a battle going on right now among women who are embracing tradition and those who are opposing it. It's hard not to want to take a side because it feels like being alienated from the rest of womanhood. I'm susceptible to the pack mentality and I've chosen to be single and unhappy, for now.
MamaFrankie5259
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Joined: 19 May 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,097
Location: The High Coast, via Mullingar, Westmeath
I was actually thinking about that this morning.
Maybe a man just psychologically needs a woman to take care of him and nurture him.
Also for men having a gf is often viewed as some kind of accomplishment (successful hunter ) and if the woman is hot / beautiful he can show her off.
I have to say yes to that. Not implying I don't like being in a relationship, but I really need space, and most people want to live together, I'm just not sure I could do that again. I even tried traditional dating and after only a couple of months it turned out the guy was clingy and trying to rule my life (for my own good...). I didn't live with him and that was already too much. Respecting the other's needs is the minimum. I haven't found that yet. And the older I grow, the more I'm comfortable with my needs and less prone to sacrifice them for some fake couple comfort zone. In particular when the other just does what they want.
_________________
"Ever since I was a child, I’ve never allowed myself to get too close to people. I’ve avoided emotional attachment. Perhaps I’ve been so afraid of death and dying that any connection just seemed like a bad thing, something that wouldn’t last." Dana Scully - Christmas Carol.
MamaFrankie5259
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Joined: 19 May 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,097
Location: The High Coast, via Mullingar, Westmeath
Bird in flight: "Being with the wrong person is way worse than being alone."
For me, that sums it up perfectly.
If I ever get back to romantic relationships (I got divorced in 2011), then I want it to be like in the "Spenser" novels: each person completely committed to the relationship but having their own house/apartment, spending some nights of the week together, others apart.
I am a solitary type of person. I am not interested in a romantic relationship, and for that matter not really interested in other kinds of relationships, either. I maintain loose family relationships with relatives, but have no friends. I do talk to people when I run errands, but for the most part, I prefer to be by myself. I found a long time ago, that I don't handle being with people well. The more time spent together, the worse things get, so I prefer to keep family contact to mostly brief visits. Things were really bad when I had to live with relatives before--for most of my life, but I live alone now, and have far less stress because of it. I am better able to handle contact with them, and with others, now that I live alone, as I know that after the contact is over, I can go home to my solitary life, or if they were visiting here, I know that they will be going home after the visit, so I can be alone again once they are gone. I have as much contact as I want, and can handle. Yes, sometimes I feel lonely, but I do have an active daydream life, with a number of different "universes" going on, so that also provides me with a sort of companionship, although an imaginary one. Hey! It's enough for me. If I get tired of a "universe", I can "change the channel" and play around with a different one for a while. Also, the characters in the made up universes never annoy the H*** out of the real me. I guess it's kind of like TV. I can change the channel, fiddle with the existing content, or just turn it off whenever I want. You can't do that when dealing with real people.
_________________
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away.--Henry David Thoreau
MamaFrankie5259
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Joined: 19 May 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,097
Location: The High Coast, via Mullingar, Westmeath
Questor, are you sure you're not me in disguise? I feel exactly the same. Outside my family, I have no friends but if my family don't visit, I can handle it although I like to see them because they are fun. Unlike you, I don't go on errands as I can't go out alone. But I agree that the less contact one has with people the better.
_________________
'You need a crazy mind just to stay alive' - Tomas Ledin, 1980.
I am an introverted hermit type person. I need and prefer to live alone. I run most errands alone, and will sometimes eat out alone while running the errands. It doesn't bother me to eat alone. I hate eating with people, because family members have always hassled me about what and how much I eat. I do sometimes run errands with family members, but at least when I get home afterward, I will be alone, because I live alone, which is something I wanted to do for most of my life.
I never wanted a boyfriend, husband, or kids, and never had any of them, not even a date, and I am fine with that. And no, I am not sexually attracted to others of my gender, so I guess I am basically asexual, but again, I am fine with that.
I don't mind others choosing to have a partner and even kids, but don't force that choice on me. I would never force others to make my choice.
As the actor Mel Gibson shouted when his character in the movie "Braveheart" was killed: FREEDOM!! !
_________________
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away.--Henry David Thoreau
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