How do you handle emotions?

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I'm new here, this is my first post. I am not diagnosed as being on the spectrum but am getting assessed in August. After researching about Aspergers because I believed my ex boyfriend had it (diagnosed now that he does) I looked into female traits out of curiosity and it was like I was reading all about myself.

Anyway, I'd like some insight on emotions because from what I've read, I don't know that this part of me "fits" the spectrum and it's confusing me. As far back as my teenage years I've felt "comfortable" with anger. I guess because I could label it. I get angry and hurt people, the ones I love, with my words. I say nasty horrible things I don't mean, and when I calm down I apologise and feel very embarrassed. I've lost potential relationships/friendships because of my inability to control it at times. I feel like I'm constantly being "nice" to, and "understanding" of, people. I give all the time, and people take. I have an extremely hard time asking for help. My emotions (or are they feelings?) just get the better of me sometimes and I explode. I have a hard time labelling exactly how I am feeling or why I am feeling that way - anger I get but apparently it stems from other things like fear etc? I don't know if this makes sense, my head is all over the place with thoughts, can anyone relate? I'm starting to wonder if I'm on the spectrum or have something like BPD

I grew up with someone who experienced similar issues. She has been diagnosed with autism. She's nice enough, but has lost friends over the years due to her lack of ability to control her temper. She has been known to fly into a ranting rage.

My Mum is the same, but she's not officially diagnosed. But it was hard living with her because you'd never know what was going to trigger her rage. I moved out as soon as I could afford to. I'm not sure if that is autism related or bpd with her. She's in her 50s, married and has a job. Who on the NHS is going to be interested in diagnosing her with autism? She is self diagnosed.

I get angry, but I can control it. I feel emotions very intensely. If I'm happy, I'm euphoric, if I'm sad I'm in the depths of despair. Negative emotions make me switch off. If I'm angry with others I withdraw. People will think I'm not friendly or just being quiet rather than realise that I'm angry.

Actually I don't tend to get all that angry with people. I takes something really serious to make me angry. I'm more liable to cry than shout.

I mostly only get angry when people are being narrow minded. I hate it when people make blanket statements that fail to take into account that people are unique and have differing circumstances. But even then I think to myself, is an argument really worth wasting my energy on?

There's a saying that I like:
Does this need to be said?
Does this need to be said by me?
Does this need to be said by me now?

I do have a bit of a temper--but I am able to control it.

When I was a child, I used to get frustrated more than angry. I used to throw things. I was never truly a destructive kid, though. I used to throw tantrums which were seen by other kids as being funny. I was putting on a show, according to them. When I started knowing this, the tantrums pretty much stopped.

Sometimes, when I get frustrated/angry even now, I might bend something, throw something, or punch a wall or something. I am able to control the intensity, though. Sometimes, I get impatient (say, with opening a jar or something), and I might break something as a result of my overzealousness.

I'm not good at handling emotions. I explode too. When I'm angry with my parents I'll say nasty things or hit them. But I am trying to stop. I usually know what I am feeling, but I think a lot of people on the spectrum don't. I have several diagnoses though: PDD-NOS (it's very similar to Asperger's), anxiety, depression, OCD, and PTSD. So which it's from I don't know but I tend to think it's from the PDD-NOS.

Um....don't you think tempers are a universal issue?

I actually didn't know I was in the Women's Forum. I just saw the subject line. I responded to it.

You sound a bit like my father.

He is not diagnosed with anything (he refuses to see a doctor, he things he is fine and has right to be angry) but he definitely has anger issues. He gets angry on daily basic. for example today he got angry because mom clean a frying pan so he could have a clean one(it was her good will, he didn't ask her to, she wanted to help him) and he wanted to have another one clean not this one so he yelled out loud that she doesn't think and he has to do everything and stuff. He continued to yell for a hour, even after mom left the house and his yells made me cry, despite not being pointed on me(his yells cause me sensory overload).
I don't get him at all. She wanted to help him and she thought what he might need but she choose wrong. Is it a reason to yell for a hour? She come with initiative and tried to help him, didn't she? So what she made a mistake and he got nothing out of it? The gesture is what matters. She meant well.

I am in the spectrum(diagnosed) and I don't have anger issues.

Sure. I have meltdowns sometimes (although shutdowns are more common) where I cry and might even throw a thing or two but in that state my dominant emotion isn't anger but hopelessness. I just don't know what to do with myself so I cry, rock, punch a pillow and throw empty plastic bottles against wall.

I am rarely angry at people. Only when I have a real reason to (I get angry when dad is yelling at me or mom when we done nothing wrong and I get angry when I realize mom is being passive-aggressive against me or dad - unfairness and mind games are what make me angry).

If someone does something wrong I either laugh it off, explain why it is wrong ans say why it shouldn't be repeated in the future or get depressed due to feeling hopeless.

For example mom put her black mobile phone in full sun and it got hot, I didn't get angry(although I could - the mobile phone was my emergency cellphone which I gave her when her old phone died due to battery failure).
I simply took the phone, put it in a shadowed place and said: "Mom, I am putting the mobile phone here. You hear me? You can't keep it in full sun or you are going to kill the battery again and need another mobile phone. Make sure you keep it in shadow."(I am sure she will do the same thing again in future but I hope she learns eventually, I am planning to remind her about it everytime I see the phone in full sun and well... she is a working adult, she can take the responsibility if her phone breaks again so not my problem, really, it's just a pity she will then make me save money because we need to feed dad meat or he gets angry "we try to make him starve").

Dad in my situation would get angry and yell at her that she "can't honor anything", "doesn't deserve a mobile phone" and stuff. Yet he wouldn't take the mobile phone to a safe place because he prefers to yell instead of fixing someone else mistake.
What's the point? Is it going to teach her anything? Is arguing going to help the poor phone, still sitting in the sun?

I'm definitely NOT extreme like that.

Hi all, thank you for your replies. I think I have made myself out to be someone who rages all the time. I don't. It usually stems from being misunderstood (or perceived to be) over a period of time, it builds up, stress is another trigger, again over a period of time to the point I blow. I find comfort in pulling my blankets over my head and crying in the silent darkness, then having a sleep. The reason behind this post, I'd had a disagreement with my ex, and I unleashed on him with a barrage of hurtful texts, intermittent with crying in my bed, but I felt like I was in a rage when sending all of these texts. Like I couldn't stop. I should have mentioned that - I do these angry outbursts via text or email, generally not in person. I'm very articulate when writing but my words can fail me verbally when I'm angry/upset. I'm crap at confrontation in person

Kiriae, your Dad actually sounds a little like my Dad

I haven't thrown anything in at least 15 years. Ive grown up from that.

She's thrown and broken things, too.

I generally try to suppress most of the intensity of my emotions when with other people. When people come together, and interact, their emotions can feed or resonate off of each other. Negative emotions can get out of hand very quickly, leading to a meltdown. Even positive emotions can be a problem if they get to strong or wild, because some little annoyance can happen while one is on an intense emotional high, and that can suddenly flip you into a deep emotional low, of either depression, or anger, and lead to another meltdown.

When I am alone, I rarely have a major problem with my emotions, because I don't have other people around to cause emotional overloads, which are extremely stressful to me. This is one of the reasons I prefer living alone.

Hi You may be experiencing what is called 'Alexithymia'. I'm like this and this is what my psychiatrist says I have (or am??)... see?! anyway I had never heard of it, he just pointed it out to me. Since being told my emotional states aren't typical, I'm much more aware of my behaviour and work really hard to manage stress and I stay away from alcohol. I take Concerta for adhd and this helps as well.

When I was younger, I was pretty comfortable with expressing emotions as long as I was in a safe place for doing so. I learned early that some emotions (like sadness, or anything involving tears) would get me victimized in front of the wrong people.

I have since learned that all negative emotions are inappropriate at almost all times, and even the ones that are acceptable (like crying when a loved one dies) have very specific and narrow windows of acceptability. Anger, despair, sadness-- all these things make people not like you, and I deal with them by keeping them hidden away until I can pour them out in my therapist's office or here under a false name.

Even positive emotions need to be modulated to match the intensity of the people around you.

So, basically, I deal with my emotions by copying the people I'm with.

Pretty much via notepads and wordpad or I get lost at sea between them all