Creepy dudes

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MsV
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22 Feb 2017, 2:39 pm

This confirms: insults sounds better in British :lol:

ranthaman
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24 Feb 2017, 11:21 pm

about 70-90% of time I would get harrased by at least one guy
But I wear hijab now and it's down to about 2-7% of the time
true story

I don't recomend wear hijab soley for this reason as it's for the religion
But just one of the perks I guess

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kdm1984
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25 Feb 2017, 11:40 pm

Men never approach me. I'm a nerdy tomboy with a more athletic build, and with my awkward social skills, I have no clue how to appear alluring in the traditional sense. My husband is attracted to me, but other men seldom are. Never had to deal with "creepy guys." Instead, as an adolescent, I was always getting turned down because men thought I looked "too masculine." I love hot guys, and I wanted sex, but I just wasn't blond and straight haired and curvy enough.

I think I'm the only thin woman in the history of civilization who loved ogling hot naked men as a teen but could never get laid.

Sweetleaf
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26 Feb 2017, 12:23 am

crystaltermination wrote:

Ah, public transport. It seems to breed creepy guys like a pond breeds scum. I guess there are too many people out there ready to take advantage of a public setting (where everyone is usually on their best behaviour except them) to do nasty things. I was groped in a public aquarium reception area once, when I was around 16. I feel angry that, at the time, I was so appalled and confused I didn't tell any staff, so nothing came of it. Given some bad crap that happened before that event, almost a decade later if it happened once more I'd probably physically attack them.

I had that happen on a bus once a few years ago they like groped my upper leg area, and I had the same reaction just couldn't process what to do. I believe I moved as soon as possible without saying anything, but its like why the f**k would someone think that is ok to do. Looking back I wish I would have done something or tried reporting them for it somehow but at the time I just wanted to get away from them.

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C2V
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26 Feb 2017, 6:07 am

Quote:

I frequently get bothered by builders when I'm trying to go somewhere since builders are EVERYWHERE. The typical "Y'ALLRIGHT LOVE" grates on me, ughhh. "SMILE LOVE, CAN'T BE THAT BAD" or "FANCY A SHAG?" pls no. Even when I'm with my bf they're like "FUTURE MARRIED COUPLE EH?!" SO awkwaaaard. And the NTs say us autistic people have no filter... Jesus.

Some blokes don't mean anything by it, they're just rougher than guts. Doesn't mean it's okay though.
I know an awesome feminist / gender equality activist woman who had a great solution to this behaviour - she is mid-twenties, long-haired natural blonde, fit, all the right curves, big blue eyes and a great smile.
She got catcalled and propositioned by men on a building scaffold - she smiled, took note of the name of the building company they worked for and the location of the site + time and date, called their head office, who ranted to their foreman, and all the men on site that day had to undergo mandatory gender equality and sexual harassment training to teach them not to be a***holes to passing women.
Can't say I have this problem much as gender-queerness confuses and terrifies people - I did have one dude grope me from behind on a subway at Mardi Gras once - the expressions that crossed his face were priceless when I turned around and he didn't know "what" I was.
PS : Although I have been guilty of staring at a woman on a bus a while ago. She was beautiful. That was all I was thinking - and apparently not realizing I was staring at her. It's not always sexualized or nasty. No idea how she read me, but she gave me a filthy look all the same!

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Lunella
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26 Feb 2017, 6:23 am

C2V wrote:

Quote:

I just tell them to f**k off and die in a car crusher nowadays. I'm quite relived I broke up with my ex to avoid remarks like that, it made me cringe so bad.

I'll keep that in mind though, if one of them annoys me that much I can just go to their head office lol, or better yet turn around and go "what did you say I had my headphones in?" whilst recording it. :wink:

Sexual harassment isn't very legal.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-a ... arassment/

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RandomFox
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08 Apr 2017, 1:23 pm

Yeah public transport creepy dudes... Happened to me in 4 different countries! Rubbing, touching and smirking, that kind of thing. Last time a creepy dude did something to me wasn't on public transport though. I was sitting on a bench in town, lost in thoughts, when somebody out of the blue grabbed/groped my shoulder (from the back) and whispered "heeeey" very close to my ear. In a split second I turned towards him, at the same time grabbing him by the shirt and screamed "what the F**k man?!" When I was younger I used to just freeze, so there's some progress.
Catcalling is very common on Fri/Sat night in town too. I even saw a guy grabbing a female passer-by's butt just like it was a "hello".

seaweed
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16 Apr 2017, 11:16 pm

i would prefer if a strange man just asked if i would have sex with him because then i would know precisely how to respond haha

i HATE when an as*hole tells me to smile. i will smile when i goddamn want to (and you're not helping).

if a person really wants to meet me and not just me as a human sex doll i do try my best to converse.. but that rarely happens.

seaweed
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16 Apr 2017, 11:32 pm

AngryAngryAngry wrote:

It is confidence not entitlement.
If men stopped approaching women, women would complain that all the men are lame ducks - there are some valid claims of this today.
Men have different phychology. They pursue agressively, women often test them (play hard to get), it can be difficult to determine sometimes if she is rejecting or playing hard to get (especially for simple minded men that have trouble reading tone body language and the subtler gestures women use).
Even looking back towards him to make sure he has gone or not following may be read as "keep trying, I'm actually intrigued").
Women are much more subtle with their communication, sometimes saying no in a frightened voice can be interprered as "she's shy" and not used to getting attention from a man. Women can be very passive with their communication.
I've had random guys say silly comments to me in the street (no sexual intent), they're just being jokey. I probably do it a bit too.
Your best bet is to respond to building site workers with a jokey reply that is a slight insult, to embarass them in front of their mates. Keep it light and you might find out that they are hillarious people (perhaps they are not your type or too old etc). Something along the lines of "do you often snatch cradles!" But be prepared to get a fast reply also. You can research humourous retorts for general situations. Disregarding any true crude comments - complain to the police if anything is serious enough to warrant it. And be wary of some people that can take a jibe too personally. Also be careful if it is your regular walking route, are they skilled trades men, or lowly hammerhands?
Here is an example of some jokey banter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlA_hL3NyyU&app=desktop
(Not builders I know, but its a reply that you could use.)
Of course there are many creepy men that dont take no for an answer, and have no clue at all.
What you are complaining about are idiot men, possibly high or drunk men, or socially stunted.
If they seem reasonable, perhaps you could help them by giving them some advice:
That is not a good technique or recommend researching pick up artist techniques (I know there are a lot of cringy pick up artist techniques too).
I've been hollered at by women from across the road. Touched, had crude things said to me by women who are married and I considered of at least average intelligence.
I've had a creeper say sexually explicit things to me in a library. Some random dude put his arm around me in the street (I yelled "F*** OFF MOLESTERER!")
I've even been grabbed by a transperson when walking past a nightclub.
I'm a hetero male by the way.

AngryAngryAngry wrote:

Male here. Sorry but I just have to correct your biased illogic.
Yes the man who requested sex was creepy, he does not understand that to get to sex there is a whole process of romancing, making a woman feel comfortable & impressing.
The "fine" guy, his pickup style was cringy and crude.
A lot of male mating behaviour - whistling, cat calls, even approaching women directly and confidently is about displaying themselves to the woman. "I'm here I'm male, what do you think, interested?"
The same way a peacock will approach a hen, showing off his plumage.
There is no "Privilege" going through his mind.
There are many stupid males that use crass or cringy techniques, maybe these have worked with women who's standards are lower in the past. And so they have not learned to refine their techniques.
If they did not have a good upbringing which demonstrated acceptable techniques for approaching people & starting conversations this can also be a factor.
And to say that only men talk crudely about women is a farce. Women do that same about men.

so you're saying catcalling/otherwise "creepy dude" behavior is biologically identifiable behavior and is therefore is acceptable behavior?

it's perfectly acceptable for a man to pursue aggressively and a woman to be passive and picky, but just because this biological and cultural normality overlaps with the issue being discussed here doesn't mean it's the same or grounds for dismission. basically, its a good way to explain why this problem occurs but not an excuse for it, just like a direct and confident approach does not necessarily have to degrade me as a human as well. this is confidence AND entitlement.

you've been approached in dehumanizing ways yourself so maybe you would understand? no, most catcallers and "creepy dudes" aren't really dangerous by themselves. it would usually be in good fun to vocally dehumanize them back, or at least just brush it off. but when you've been followed, even stalked, by catcallers, when your body is taken like it's public domain and excused as "natural male behavior" way more times than can be counted, and if you feel hurt, uncomfortable, vulnerable, you're "overreacting", "oversensitive", and "illogical"...how could you not be afraid in general.
how could you not understand that so many women aren't being illogical for no reason.

confusedperson17
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17 Apr 2017, 2:12 am

WOW this is also a trend in my life. I think predators sense something is "up" with people like us. Maybe whatever condition we have (autism, asperger's, bipolar, bpd, which ever) gives a vulnerability. I've been stalked by every ex boyfriend I had (some for years), harassed by them and random men, physically and mentally abused by men, sexually propositioned multiple times, put into bad situations because I was trusting and they turned out to be completely different, boy the list goes on. I was bullied particularly by men my entire young adult life. I deleted my FB to escape from particular men and to get away from society's values. I absolutely detest with all of my soul this "Tinder" culture, you know, sex is like fast food, no intimacy please, women are there to be used and abused sexually. I am repulsed by pornography, believe it is a form of sexual perversion and brainwashing, which is a conclusion I came to after years of soul searching and consideration (I'm no prude!). It's the culture we live in. Men are literally raised these days to think it's ok to watch a 5 minute video of simulated r*pe and get off to it. Then they carry that aggression over to us, women who may be vulnerable (you may not be, I am) due to their condition. God ladies, sorry for all of that stuff, I am really sick of these creeps too.

confusedperson17
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17 Apr 2017, 2:23 am

AngryAngryAngry wrote:

Barchan wrote:

BombChel534 wrote:

From what I can tell it's rooted in male privilege, that these men feel entitled to the attention of women and will do whatever they deem necessary to get it; from honking or yelling out the window while driving by, whistling or shouting or just simply speaking lewd comments as women walk by, to straight up approaching women and making them give their attention fully.

You're right, that's exactly what it is. It's a show of dominance, and exercising their "right" (i.e., privilege) to always have their opinions be heard, even if their opinions are ugly and crude.

I just remembered that a few weeks ago, some random guy at a restaurant told me to smile. It's the same principles at work here; while not blatantly sexual, there's still a clear gender dynamic to the behavior. I never hear men do this to other men, for example.

Look, you are really off base here and I'm offended, as a woman. I hope this can clarify some things for you. There should not be "techniques" to pick up women and they are not used by REAL men. That is creepy predatory s**t. They are used by predators. Yes, you may argue, what's wrong with wanting to get laid? Well, women with decency don't respond to those things, i.e. most of the women posting in this thread. So, why are you coming here and telling us, "hey, you ladies are too sensitive! men are just trying to MATE!" Incredible. You immediately painted yourself as one of these men. I am assuming you are a man, if you're not, well, that is nuts to me to imagine.

The guys who I have met who actually cared and respected women NEVER used techniques like that, just made FRIENDS with a woman and got to know who she was and had respect for her as a human being with feelings, not immediately looking at her like "mating material". Btw, men are not peacocks or monkeys, men are capable of making their own choices and growing and evolving as human beings.

No male privilege? This is actually one of the biggest issues in society today. Look at our president! I do not want to talk about politics but how can a man who is openly misogynistic be the leader of this great nation? Because it's EVERYWHERE AND SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE to be a man and treat women like objects and something with no feelings, just something to satisfy their immature uncontrollable base urges.
Look at porn! Women in porn are subjected to absolutely horrible objectification just for money (which they probably desperately need).
Look at the sex industry. For hundreds of years, look who controls it, and benefits most from it. MEN! Women, most of the time, must get into it for financial reasons, because the world can literally be either survive or die. Maybe you've never experienced this side of the world, which is VERY real and is exactly how I describe it to be, and as a woman who has actually been through these things, I will trust my opinion over yours. Most sex workers and porn stars are proven to had been molested by a man sometime in their childhood which led to warped views on sexuality and sexual trauma.

I think men need to be forced to take a gender sensitivities class for a whole year in high school. Your point of view, which you are entitled to, is literally something society should have evolved out of a long time ago, but it is still being perpetuated by people who think men are superior.

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