A question for married/engaged women.

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I had a big church wedding because that's what everyone else wanted. Really my husbands parents and my mom took care of most of the details, but I still found it extremely stressful. My husband's parents only have boys and I am my mom's only child. It seemed important to them - mostly my in laws. I would have been OK with eloping. Now that I'm older and more sure of myself I realize that I could have spoken up more. My BIL and his wife had a destination wedding and the family was so upset because not all of us could afford to go. I kept thinking "Who cares? It's what they want." I have told my daughter, if and when that time comes for her, I want her to be honest with what she wants. She's a lot like me but even more solitary and easily overstimulated.

I didn't care. At all. In fact since we had no money for a whole wedding our original plan was to elope on a cruise or on vacation or something. Told my mom and she got very upset. Then after YEARS of her telling me she would NEVER pay for a wedding (and apparently not realizing I was just fine with that) she decided SHE wanted the wedding so she paid and she chose almost everything except for the filling in the cake and my dress, lol. I didn't care. It was pretty classy. She did a good job. But... I would have been just as happy getting hitched at a vegas chapel.

When I got married I was very lucky because my then fiances family lived on a remote farm which meant only inviting close family and friends did not seen rude. Our wedding invites were kids party invites of The Phantom saying "The jungle drums are inviting you to a party." My Husbands brother got married around the same time and his wife to be spent a fortune on handmade paper and calligraphy on their invites. She was apparently pissed because people kept talking about our invites and saying how great they were.

We got married in the house yard next to the horse paddock and all the horses came and lined up along the fence to watch. I also had my dog as a bridesmaid. She sat on my dress during the ceremony. Afterwards we had a bar-b-que and everyone said it was one of the best weddings they had ever been to. I hope they were not just being nice. We had a great day.

I got married at 21, that was decades before I knew I had Asperger's. I am 64 now. I was from a big city and my husband from a dairy farm and all his relatives were farmers who had little time to get away between milking cows. So we had an 11am church wedding and a noon simple dinner in the church basement so all his relatives could get home in time for milking.

I didn't plan anything and didn't care about anything. (Now decades later I realize why). I wore my mom's dress which fit me perfectly. It pleased her and I did not have to hassle with dress shopping. My sister-in-law, also my maid of honor, planned all the bridesmaids dresses and flowers. I guess my mom probably planned the meal. I didn't do anything. And I don't regret any of it. It was all very simple.

The ONLY reason I had a wedding at all was because of our parents. My boyfriend (now husband) and I wanted to elope in the forest surrounded by trees and nice weather, but noooooo my parents wanted a wedding, they wanted people to come to a wedding, they wanted the dress and the church and the blaaahhhhh. So we had a wedding. We made it as small, cheap, and short as possible. And then we were married and got to have the part we actually cared about.

I just said to my mum (back in 2006), "Me and Josh want to get married soon." And she went all goo goo. But it turned out really good in the end.

The wedding took place in my parents' backyard and about 15 people came. Our celebrant let us create our own vows and at the end she said, "May you live long and prosper."

I wore a light green Japanese-style tunic with light green flowy pants that my mum made. Mum also made the cupcakes with green and white icing on a tiered stand. Really, my mum was an absolute legend for all the making stuff and planning she did.

Our music was planned by Josh, we were officially married to one of The Corrs songs. He added Star Trekkin' as a joke.

Afterwards, we all had a glass of champagne (nice and sweet) and nibblies. We didn't really have a reception as such.

Our honeymoon was at a hotel 100kms away and when we left l was surprised to see my car decorated with lipstick and toilet paper. We made a detour to a petrol station to clean it off. When we got to the hotel room we just about collapsed. We went to bed and slept.

I got married this summer. We had a pagan handfasting at a stone circle in a field surrounded by mountains. Our dog was the best man. I wore a tie-dye hippy dress and an animal print corset and my husband wore a drape jacket, jeans and a T-shirt of his favourite band. Afterwards we had a half vegan buffet in a private room at a nearby pub while one of our friends did a punk and psychobilly disco for us. There were only about 30 guests and everyone had a good time.

Edit to answer the questions in the first post:
The wedding was quite small and cheap. I wanted it to be "perfect" but didn't go crazy about it and was more worried about making sure everyone else enjoyed themselves.

I got married in my twenties, and at that point in my life I was a very "young" and pliable person who just "went with the flow" a bit too much. So when my husband-to-be just wanted a courthouse deal, I was like "okay."

He didn't want any fuss, he wanted to "elope." He thought that was rebellious and "romantic." Knowing what I know now, it was also a kick in the teeth to his parents, who were very formal people with some borderline "VIPs" in the extended family, and would have wanted very grand weddings for their kids. It was only later I saw why he was so keen on a brief little "I do" in front of a judge.

Then we had dinner at, like, the equivalent of TGIF. . . .

At the time I thought I didn't care. NOW --- I'm sorry but yes I DO wish I had had at least more than that for my wedding.

I KNOW it's not the wedding day that matters, it's the marriage. I know all that -- we are divorced now so I'm well aware the marriage and the quality of the marriage itself, the relationship itself, is all that matters. Not whether you had a pretty dress or 500 guests.

I didn't want 500 guests. I didn't want a wedding that cost a lot of money. It's not that I wanted all that.

But I still wish to this day that we'd had SOMETHING nicer.

I never got to even have a gown. We thought we were being fun and hip wearing white t-shirts and jeans bought at the local mall.

I'm sad about that in retrospect. Now that I'm divorced I will probably never marry again -- partly by choice and partly because I've realized I am just not made for a relationship with anyone.

But there's a girlish part of me that simply wishes I'd had my day to be the girl in the pretty gown just for one day, and I wish we'd had just a few friends and family, I wish we'd had just a little party or dinner and dancing just for our fondest people to have a good time.

A nice wedding -- and I don't mean huge and expensive, but just even simple and small -- can be a very joyous, genuinely memorable event, for everyone involved. My sisters both got lovely weddings -- not expensive, not huge, but just nice. I never got to experience that and I never will now. But I sure got the difficult marriage, all the same challenges, the strain and stress and the horrible divorce. I got all the downsides and didn't even get to have the one pretty day to remember.

Once again, because I know someone is going to attack me and accuse me of caring more about the wedding day than the actual quality of the marriage ---- WRONG.

I don't care more about the wedding I never had. I do know it's not the important thing. But being that I didn't even get to have one even though I was married, A PART of me still wished I had at least had something nicer than the stupid, flippant elopement I went along with just to keep the peace.

I'm engaged. I'm looking to put together a small intimate wedding focused on fun, just having a relaxed good time. Mostly because I have no friends of any kind except my fiance and his mom, and my coworkers, and I do not like most of my extended family. I'm supposed to get married in the late spring of next year. My fiance doesn't care about the details, he just wants there to be a lot of bbq style food, and I want vegan food and cake. I will either wear a kimono style dress or a white pantsuit with a cape, haven't decided yet.

It sort of mattered to me. I wanted to either just go to the justice of the peace, or have a very simple ceremony with nice plain clothes (like a suit for him and a nice dress for me) that we could use again for something. I was intimidated by the idea of a big, fancy wedding. Plus neither of our families were wealthy enough for us to have any business asking them to finance a wedding, and we were young (in college, still piling up student loans, not even sure we were going to make it through) and expecting our first child.

I really, really wanted to make all the food for the reception, with help from family and friends, or do it covered-dish style. It seemed like it would have been a personal touch, and a great way to celebrate joining two families. My husband and his family basically laughed in my face over that one.

He wanted a big, fancy wedding with matching bridesmaid dresses and tuxedos and catering and flower arrangements and a DJ and blah-blah-blah-blah. I ended up saying, "We have $5000. Do whatever you want, but when the money's gone that's where it stops."

We ended up with a wedding dress and tuxes, but the bridesmaids just wore regular dresses, because they were more broke than we were and I wasn't about to ask them to pay for something they'd only use once. His folks got all dressed up; my dad gave me away in jeans and suspenders and a plaid shirt. We had chips and soda and six-foot subs in the church basement, and danced to the radio. So I guess it was OK. I don't know. There were like 30 people there and I don't remember very much of it.

I realize now that he wanted to put on a big show for his parents, because their other 3 kids got married and didn't invite them to the ceremony. Should have tipped me off to something...

I'm 22 years old ND and marry at 18 years old with my best friend NT (22 years at the time). I get married 'cause was important to his family and I think maybe to he too. For me, was a normal day. I make all the details but was normal to me.
I just invite to my wedding 35 people, so was a realy small wedding and I choose all the food, the place, lights and also didn't make all the dance crap. It was a classical entrance, classical votes and a dinner with background music.
Honest, I regret myself of married because of his family. I love him too much, but today I will choose live with him (We already did this before we get married) without the whole wedding stuff because I learn on my psichoterapy thats I need think in my own desires despite his family. He has protestant parents and they make clear to me thats I just will keep going with me if we get married, but after I discovery thats he never know about this and love just living with me.

*Sorry for some english mistake, I'm from Brazil.

I had a big fancy wedding and obsessed over every detail so much that when the actual day came i forgot to eat and drink the entire day and I had a panic attack after the ceremony (right before the first dance). I ended up puking and not wanting to come out of the bridal suite until my husband calmed me down enough to show up. I still end up missing half the wedding. It didn't go so well. He has stayed with me though even after that mess!