Do you feel that being female Asperger's was easier for you?

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I was diagnosed at 14 and yes, in elementary school and even high school I played the "normal female" from sometimes to a lot. I didn't feel any of it genuinely. I only feel it now.

My greatest regret in life was the missed opportunities for cultivating friendships and my lack of a more well-rounded life. I'm making up for it now. I wish I had learned to drive at the regular age so I wouldn't be so nervous about the possibility of getting lost. I would say anxiety and perfectionism were the things that hindered me most growing up. Still, I think it was much easier for me growing up as a girl/woman, because my interests were far more in line with those of an average female (animals, literature, history, world cultures), although the intensity level and focus was far greater than what would be considered average or normal.

No, I feel that other people found that my being a female aspie was easier for them only.

The person who made this thread hasn't been here in months, and he seemed to have a thing for making posts in the Women's Discussion forum. I wonder if he's been banned for that? If so, I think this thread should be locked because it seems intentionally provocative and is a very stupid question anyway. The last thing we need is more pitting autistic men against autistic women and arguing over who has it worse.

"Do you feel that being female Asperger's was easier for you?"

How would I know? I've never been anything but female, and I've never been anything but Aspie....

(edit in: I was lucky enough to be cis-het, so everything stayed congruent. No disrespect meant to people who've discovered that they are not who the universe labeled them as; on the contrary, much support.)

Not for me, no. I was actually diagnosed as a kid (I think I was in fourth grade or so), although neither my parents nor I really understood what it meant until later, so I didn't get support, accommodations, etc. until later, and to this day my dad, at least, still holds me to NT standards - he seems to think it just means I'm shy and intelligent, and accuses me of not trying hard enough or not caring when I don't meet his expectations, not listening to me when I try to explain that actually, I was trying my hardest. There's never been any question of me "passing" as NT - I couldn't do it convincingly even if my life depended on it. Anyone trying to interact with me at all can tell that something's up with me, at least. Yet because my functioning level varies, people see me at my best and assume I'm always capable of that, and I again get blamed for not trying hard enough or not caring. I guess I kind of got the worst of both worlds there As has been mentioned earlier in this thread, females are actually typically expected to be better at socialization and showing empathy than males, so no, we don't get more leeway in that regard - if anything, we get less. Granted, I think my autism presents itself in a more masculine way. Also, not trying to say that I have it worse than autistic males - it's not a contest, probably every one of us has some sort of struggle, and whether we have it better or worse than someone else doesn't make our challenges any easier to overcome. But it really irritates me when autistic males seem to think autistic females must all have it so much better than they do, probably because I'm so used to people trying to minimize or not believing me about my struggles so much that I'm oversensitive to such implications.

dragonsanddemons, I have experienced the same:
• being held to neurotypical standards;
• being viewed as just shy;
• being judged as not trying;
• bring judged as not caring;
• variable functioning level confusing others.

_________________
31st of July, 2013
Diagnosed: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Auditory-Verbal Processing Speed Disorder, and Visual-Motor Processing Speed Disorder.

Weak Emerging Social Communicator (The Social Thinking-­Social Communication Profile by Michelle Garcia Winner, Pamela Crooke and Stephanie Madrigal)

"I am silently correcting your grammar."

No, I don’t. It’s exceptionally difficult. My gender has had no positive impact on my social difficulties. I can get men, but whether I want them or not is another story. Friendship and regular interaction is just as hard.

In a way, I am glad I am a female Aspie and not a male Aspie. I think mostly male Aspies appear to be more logical and intelligent than female Aspies, while female Aspies are mostly more creative and eccentric - but not in all cases (before I offend anyone).
My teenage years were hard, particularly the early teenage years, because of the social pressure. Gender roles were important to kids at high school, even with how the school uniform was worn. Boys got away with messing about, but if a girl was seen doing some of the silly behaviours, she was called a freak. Girls had to stand about gossiping and doing their hair and make-up, while the boys could be more energetic in their ways. As a child with ADHD, it was hard for me to stand around being all grown-up (although, as an adult, I feel that typical teenage girls are more childish than typical teenage boys in some ways).

As an adult I find being an Aspie female quite pleasing. I'm more good at expressing my emotions than Aspie males, which I'm glad about. Also being a female (Aspie or not) lets you get away with having teddy bears on your bed. My NT cousin who's 30 bought herself a teddy bear from a market because she thought it was cute, and it just seems more socially acceptable than if a male bought himself a cuddly toy.

No I did not.

I was only diagnosed when I was 28, two years ago. All the time before that I was an outcast, could not hold a job or a relationship and was a revolving door patient at the psychiatrist´s office. I was bullied, very unhappy and unable to understand why. People always acted as if it was my choice to be weird, so I got punished for it constantly.

Now I know I have finally been able to form some meaningful relationships, get a stable job and move on to a more positive life. But my life would definitely have been better if I had known about my autism much earlier, which I think might have happened sooner if I were a man.

No, it was worse. My symptoms were just as severe as the boys, if not worse. I also had just as much aggression at one time as some boys on the spectrum.

I really really REALLY wish I found out at a much younger age. I went through A LOT bt myself, especially during the height of my hormonal years. I was getting psychosis, became obsessed with religion, was bullied by friends and other girls, I was always alone and didn't understand why I didn't fit in and I've been sexually abused/violated at every juncture in my life - especially between 19-24. I lack bodily awareness but hate wearing or feeling clothes generally. It messed up my education, despite the fact I'm quite intelligent and honestly it just really hurts knowing and realising after how much I've been through that I've been vulnerable my whole life and didn't know. I feel like I would have handled life a tad better and I would probably feel less ashamed than I do now.

I know another guy (undiagnosed) whose on the spectrum and he has been through similar things to me but no where near as many traumatising events.

I'm beginning to think that because women aspies/autsies experience more they MAY find it easier to empathise but not always. A lot of my empathy I have had to learn over the past 7 years.

I think that AS women are probably more targeted like prey by predators. AS men are too, I'm sure, though females are generally more at risk for a number of reasons.

Yes and no.

I was/am highly gifted so some of my idiosyncratic traits were chalked up to that. I'm also artistically gifted so that excused a lot of my eccentric qualities.

The down side is I spent years suffering from severe social anxiety to the point of fainting when I had to stand up in front of others. I ran the gamut of dx's: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depression, Social Anxiety, MD II, situational stressors, etc,... No one seemed to know what was wrong with me or why I felt the way I did - which at the time made me feel even worse.

I still have never obtained an official dx and it wasn't until I had to research how to help my own child obtain an IEP that I realized I was one of the many female Aspies that went undiagnosed. However, my childhood made me hyper aware to behavioral and social situations, which is beneficial when one is pursuing a degree in Psychology. I probably would not have went down this path if it wasn't for all the hardships I faced - that's my silver lining and what I choose to focus on.

I guess what makes my life with AS easier are some obvious talents. Being really good in something makes others more tolerant to your shortcomings. It applies to males exactly the same way. Or maybe it even affects the males more, as they are more supposed to specialize.
I'm happy my society does not confine me to "typically female" activities, as my talents are mostly in STEM.