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Why do some women get mad that you have only been sexually

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Fnord
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02 Jul 2021, 2:20 pm

Actually, most of the women I have known who liked to "show a little leg" seemed to have more respect for themselves (and more confidence) than most of the women I have known who constantly "dressed down" to conceal their bodies as much as possible (as if they were ashamed of their appearances).


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hurtloam
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02 Jul 2021, 2:21 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
Maybe they think that when you point out that it has only happened to you when you've dressed revealingly, your message between the lines is that a) it won't happen if one doesn't dress like that or b) dressing like that is asking for it. Note that I don't think it's what you mean and I don't agree with either point, but I just think that some people might think that that's what you mean. You know, the thing about people reading stuff between the lines and trying to find some hidden purpose or message that isn't there in the first place.


You are spot on! I think everyone else missed this point.

League girl, I don't think that stating the fact that you were harassed when wearing skimpy clothing was the issue. This issue would have been how you presented the information.

But there is a belief that you will avoid harassment if you dress modestly. Which is not true. I've been harassed in very boring office attire and a really baggy polo shirt type uniform.

However, those who hold that belief will go on forums like Reddit and present their argument that women are only harassed if they wear revealing clothes.

It was assumed that you were one of those people.

What was your intent with your reply on Reddit? What were you responding to? Why did you feel the need to mention your clothes?



funeralxempire
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02 Jul 2021, 2:21 pm

Shadow1888 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I think I see what went wrong here.

Sometimes I might want to signal that I'm available. I might dress up, show a bit of leg or cleavage.

That's a fact. Sometimes us women do that.

No one is saying that does not happen.

However, saying that I have no self respect if I do that is where the argument went south.


I didnt say all women have no self respect just the one's i referred too, skanks or whatever any of you call them. Is anyone here seriously not understanding who i am talking about?


That's actually what I'm calling out as misogynistic. Just because you dismiss a woman as a skank because of how she's dressed doesn't mean that she lacks self-respect, the problem is the attitude you use to reach that conclusion not how she's dressed.


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hurtloam
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02 Jul 2021, 2:23 pm

Shadow1888 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I think I see what went wrong here.

Sometimes I might want to signal that I'm available. I might dress up, show a bit of leg or cleavage.

That's a fact. Sometimes us women do that.

No one is saying that does not happen.

However, saying that I have no self respect if I do that is where the argument went south.


I didnt say all women have no self respect just the one's i referred too, skanks or whatever any of you call them. Is anyone here seriously not understanding who i am talking about?


Calling them skanks is the issue silly. Calling just those women a name is the issue. No one is saying that you're calling all women skanks. The objection is that you are labelling any women a skank based on what they're wearing. They could be lovely for all you know.



hurtloam
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02 Jul 2021, 2:24 pm

Fnord wrote:
Actually, most of the women I have known who liked to "show a little leg" seemed to have more respect for themselves (and more confidence) than most of the women I have known who constantly "dressed down" to conceal their bodies as much as possible (as if they were ashamed of their appearances).


I'll be honest, I never show my legs because I hate my knobbly knees :D



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02 Jul 2021, 2:30 pm

Shadow1888 wrote:
Wouldn't it be fair to say that their is women who dress in more revealing attire for the sole reason to seek attention?



I dont find that comment appropriate for this thread. It's misogynistic and women can wear whatever they want without being harassed.


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Shadow1888
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02 Jul 2021, 2:32 pm

Y

hurtloam wrote:
Shadow1888 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I think I see what went wrong here.

Sometimes I might want to signal that I'm available. I might dress up, show a bit of leg or cleavage.

That's a fact. Sometimes us women do that.

No one is saying that does not happen.

However, saying that I have no self respect if I do that is where the argument went south.


I didnt say all women have no self respect just the one's i referred too, skanks or whatever any of you call them. Is anyone here seriously not understanding who i am talking about?


Calling them skanks is the issue silly. Calling just those women a name is the issue. No one is saying that you're calling all women skanks. The objection is that you are labelling any women a skank based on what they're wearing. They could be lovely for all you know.


I'm sorry, i was trying to explain but i cant find the right way too. I have it up here somewhere but half the time people struggle to understand what i'm trying to get at. Its frustrating cause it comes across wrong.



Shadow1888
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02 Jul 2021, 2:33 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Shadow1888 wrote:
Wouldn't it be fair to say that their is women who dress in more revealing attire for the sole reason to seek attention?



I dont find that comment appropriate for this thread. It's misogynistic and women can wear whatever they want without being harassed.


So i'm wrong? Nobody does that?



hurtloam
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02 Jul 2021, 2:36 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Shadow1888 wrote:
Wouldn't it be fair to say that their is women who dress in more revealing attire for the sole reason to seek attention?



I dont find that comment appropriate for this thread. It's misogynistic and women can wear whatever they want without being harassed.


Oh I agree with him on that. As I pointed out in my example earlier I might glam myself up a bit more if I'm interested in someone to get their attention.

I don't think pointing that out is misogonystic at all.

Edited to add:

But of course that doesn't mean a woman all dolled up is asking for attention or to be assaulted.



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02 Jul 2021, 2:45 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
Maybe they think that when you point out that it has only happened to you when you've dressed revealingly, your message between the lines is that a) it won't happen if one doesn't dress like that or b) dressing like that is asking for it. Note that I don't think it's what you mean and I don't agree with either point, but I just think that some people might think that that's what you mean. You know, the thing about people reading stuff between the lines and trying to find some hidden purpose or message that isn't there in the first place.


You are spot on! I think everyone else missed this point.

League girl, I don't think that stating the fact that you were harassed when wearing skimpy clothing was the issue. This issue would have been how you presented the information.

But there is a belief that you will avoid harassment if you dress modestly. Which is not true. I've been harassed in very boring office attire and a really baggy polo shirt type uniform.

However, those who hold that belief will go on forums like Reddit and present their argument that women are only harassed if they wear revealing clothes.

It was assumed that you were one of those people.

What was your intent with your reply on Reddit? What were you responding to? Why did you feel the need to mention your clothes?


Someone reposted a thread about a man who wanted to know if he was an as*hole for telling his wife to change what she wears so she won't get harassed. She liked to wear these tight pants that show her figure. I said I had actually gotten unwanted attention when I did show my body but no attention when I wore my regular clothes but yet when I was pregnant, I got unwanted attention and I had on regular clothes. I also said women can wear whatever they want and men need to not harass women and I had to unlearn what I learned as a child and accept my mom was wrong for how she handled my early puberty and parents forcing their daughters to hide their body is teaching them they are asking for it and are responsible for men and that they can't control themselves. This is interlized misogyny lot of women still have as well and I had to unlearn it. I will still see women to tell other women to not show their bodies and this is feeding into toxic masculine and misogyny.

It was a good post because I advocate that women should wear whatever without harassment. But somehow this triggered women so I guess there is gatekeeping for what is sexual harassment. I guess they also have that misogyny belief too.


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League_Girl
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02 Jul 2021, 2:50 pm

Shadow1888 wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Shadow1888 wrote:
Wouldn't it be fair to say that their is women who dress in more revealing attire for the sole reason to seek attention?



I dont find that comment appropriate for this thread. It's misogynistic and women can wear whatever they want without being harassed.


So i'm wrong? Nobody does that?


Are you seriously telling me that women want to be groped at, bothered, shouted at, whistled at, or even being asked to pose?

Show me where a woman has actually made this claim in saying the dress this way to get all this harassment because I have never seen it.


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funeralxempire
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02 Jul 2021, 2:53 pm

Shadow1888 wrote:
Y
hurtloam wrote:
Shadow1888 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I think I see what went wrong here.

Sometimes I might want to signal that I'm available. I might dress up, show a bit of leg or cleavage.

That's a fact. Sometimes us women do that.

No one is saying that does not happen.

However, saying that I have no self respect if I do that is where the argument went south.


I didnt say all women have no self respect just the one's i referred too, skanks or whatever any of you call them. Is anyone here seriously not understanding who i am talking about?


Calling them skanks is the issue silly. Calling just those women a name is the issue. No one is saying that you're calling all women skanks. The objection is that you are labelling any women a skank based on what they're wearing. They could be lovely for all you know.


I'm sorry, i was trying to explain but i cant find the right way too. I have it up here somewhere but half the time people struggle to understand what i'm trying to get at. Its frustrating cause it comes across wrong.


Do you have a word that isn't insulting? There isn't a meaning for the word skank that isn't an insult, unless you're talking about ska.


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hurtloam
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02 Jul 2021, 2:53 pm

Oh AITA subreddit.

Everyone is up for an argument there and black and white judgements. They probably read your first few sentences and had a knee jerk reaction.

It's a waste of time having a discussion there.

Interesting question though. I'm off to Reddit.



Shadow1888
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02 Jul 2021, 2:56 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Shadow1888 wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Shadow1888 wrote:
Wouldn't it be fair to say that their is women who dress in more revealing attire for the sole reason to seek attention?



I dont find that comment appropriate for this thread. It's misogynistic and women can wear whatever they want without being harassed.


So i'm wrong? Nobody does that?


Are you seriously telling me that women want to be groped at, bothered, shouted at, whistled at, or even being asked to pose?

Show me where a woman has actually made this claim in saying the dress this way to get all this harassment because I have never seen it.


Their is a woman i know she goes out every weekend on the pull in revealing attire for the sole purpose to get attention and she openly acknowledges that is the reason she dresses that way and their are many others so that was what i meant. So you must know of these people.



Shadow1888
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02 Jul 2021, 2:59 pm

Y

funeralxempire wrote:
Shadow1888 wrote:
Y
hurtloam wrote:
Shadow1888 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I think I see what went wrong here.

Sometimes I might want to signal that I'm available. I might dress up, show a bit of leg or cleavage.

That's a fact. Sometimes us women do that.

No one is saying that does not happen.

However, saying that I have no self respect if I do that is where the argument went south.


I didnt say all women have no self respect just the one's i referred too, skanks or whatever any of you call them. Is anyone here seriously not understanding who i am talking about?


Calling them skanks is the issue silly. Calling just those women a name is the issue. No one is saying that you're calling all women skanks. The objection is that you are labelling any women a skank based on what they're wearing. They could be lovely for all you know.


I'm sorry, i was trying to explain but i cant find the right way too. I have it up here somewhere but half the time people struggle to understand what i'm trying to get at. Its frustrating cause it comes across wrong.


Do you have a word that isn't insulting? There isn't a meaning for the word skank that isn't an insult, unless you're talking about ska.

Skank meaning
an unpleasant person, especially a woman who has sex with a lot of different people
And they dress in revealing attire. But that is what i was meaning so not referring to the op or all woman



hurtloam
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02 Jul 2021, 3:04 pm

Shadow1888 wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Shadow1888 wrote:
Wouldn't it be fair to say that their is women who dress in more revealing attire for the sole reason to seek attention?



I dont find that comment appropriate for this thread. It's misogynistic and women can wear whatever they want without being harassed.


So i'm wrong? Nobody does that?


Depends what you mean by attention? This is a difficult subject full of nuance.

She doesn't want randos shouting at her and groping her. She just wants to feel good about herself and try and attract someone in particular maybe.

There's such a mix of attitudes out there it's going to take a long time (years) to get some even ground on this subject.

It sucks being curvy because pretty much everything shows my figure. I can't do much about it except lose an unhealthy amount of weight. And I'm not doing that.

So... Do I wear a tent so that no men look? Hell no. They need to learn I just want to go about my day. To be fair I don't get bothered much these days. Maybe attitudes are changing already... Maybe it's just the city I live in.