How difficult has this life been for you?

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Just wondering how difficult you’d rate your life so far on a scale of 1-10, and importantly, whether or not you have managed to maintain a positive view of what comes next?

I ask this as someone who has seriously been through it, but who still has hope of a better future.

I would rate it as an 7-8 difficulty but with an optimistic outlook. Intellectually I know my life is quite good now --- it is also 7-8 wonderful, but I have a lot of current responsibilities, sensitivities and past traumas. I have panic/anxiety often. Before my diagnosis two years ago, I didn't know I had GAD since it's my way of life. While in childhood through my 30s I wanted to "end it all", now I have enough stability and control to be happy (between the sometimes hourly panic/anxiety). It stinks b/c my NT sister looks at me and is envious of how good my life is and yet I still suffer daily and significantly (I learned long ago people dismiss my concerns b/c they just can't relate). I am doing EMDR, but really - how can one process all the trauma - emotional, sensory, etc.? So when I am in significant pain for days b/c we "dared" to eat out and now I have significant GI pain, or I agreed to work a different assignment than I had signed up for and now I have a moderate migraine to get through... and people wonder why I get so upset if it doesn't go as I plan (rigid I'm told)... there's a heavy price to pay. I could refuse to eat out, I could refuse to try a new activity... but I am a sensation seeker, so I take these risks and "suffer" more than others, but also have great joy when I survive. After decades of not, now I (generally) look forward to living/suffering as long as I can.

Keep hoping!! !

Thanks so much for sharing, Sharon. Glad to hear you have a positive outlook, in spite of all the challenges. Know what you mean about the GAD going unrealised for a long while. You’ve had a very tough time. X

2.

I'm actually lucky in many ways than one, yet ironically pessimistic.

Lucky in a sense little to do with privilege or what haves, but something else beyond that...

My only workaround with said pessimism is determination and faith -- by faith I never mean by religious context, but more like leaps in life kind of faith of sorts.
.. Which added more of my luck in some way or form.


I never claimed to have any negative outlook in life.
Towards people or things or even certain concepts or ideas, maybe and sometimes going between passionate hatred to flat lining into indifference.

But never towards life, living and existence as a whole.


This also doesn't mean my life lacks any pain or struggle, nor there are any overdue scars and unprocessed stuffs.


But more like... I don't ever suffer for too long. I move on a bit easier than many it seems...
In fact, it seems with time I just suffer less and less for reasons I sometimes don't understand.

Overtime, I kept finishing overdue stuff like mourning. Thus overtime, everything just gets lighter for me.

Note that I don't have a therapist nor someone told me to -- I just have a current yet a specific focus in emotional growth starting just 3 years ago.
Like the autistic focus, I will always sought it at the back of my mind for a long time and this emotional development is a stepping stone for me -- to "freedom".

Except, this isn't as simple as any intellectual pursuit nor it is meant to be.

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I've lived quite a colourful life but not an easy one.

It's difficult to put a score on it though because even though it's not been easy I have had a lot of laughs. So if I said between 8-10 then I feel like I'm denying the good times even though those good times were probably the hardest times as well. But if I said anything below 5 then I'd be denying the fact that I have had a lot of struggles and been through some really tough times.

So I can't really say.

It has been pretty difficult for me. I have exams around the corner, and it's stressful.

I'd give it a 7. Really hard childhood (abusive home, seeing violence, lots of bullying, self harm, being different without knowing why), frustrating early adulthood because I don't really belong anywhere or feel like I fit in at any workplace... things have gotten easier for me after learning about autism and I can accept that this is just how I am (assuming I can get diagnosed...).

Right now I'm in a pretty good position overall given the circumstances. I guess I am cautiously optimistic about the future.

EDIT by Fnord: Oops!  Posted in Women's forum by mistake.

As this is such a generic question but posted in the Women's Discussion I thought it was for Women only so didn't post. Am I correct in my thinking?

Out of 10, my life has been about 1000. No exaggeration. I've been to hell and back with manipulation, exploitation, DV, SA, and a list of things I wouldn't even mention on here. I still live in hell despite the fact I'm so lowkey and I keep to myself. Nothing has ever come easy and I've never had support. That's not to say there aren't some good parts in my life - but even the good parts are very challenging, and I've had to fight for them every step of the way. No one really cares. I ask for support but people have this demented opinion that I shouldn't need support. I should be a giver, not a receiver. I'm told that I'm "strong" and I should just figure it out on my own. Then people wonder why I'm mute, or frightened, or why I build walls around myself in terms of privacy and PTSD.

People who have absolutely no clue what I've been through, who couldn't last one week in my shoes, sprout platitudes or tell me it's not really so bad.

I've single-parented for 25 years, worked full-time to the point of a nervous breakdown, and owned homes by myself since I was 22 years old. I've suffered two strokes, and I have other physical problems too. My daughter has a permanent condition which can't be cured, which will be fatal if not managed 24/7. My father was killed by gross negligence. My mother has cancer. My ex is suing my daughter a second time, having already disowned her. I've been in about 12 court cases pertaining to custody and child support, and another long criminal case against my abuser who was classified a psychopath.

These are only the bits I can share here. The tip of the iceberg.

Despite all that I'm an optimist, I love my life, and I consider myself blessed in many ways. I'm not bitter at all. I just get really tired of trying to do this all on my own, with no social or financial supports.

There isn't much compassion in the world, so I have to self-generate, lay low, and enjoy the good bits as they come.

7 1/2.

I had a rough childhood with my dad abusing my mom at least once a week. After I moved to Ohio, my brother also became abusive which may have came from my dad (my brother since learned to cope with his anger better.

I also got into a relationship/marriage that turned out to be a bad one; he was also abusive and refused any help. I wanted a relationship in the first place because many of my cousins have spouses and SO's in their lives, and I wanted to fit in.

I later learned that it's okay to be me, and eventually accepted my singlehood for the time being. I also have a senior cat who loves me for who I am, even if she isn't human. She's 18 1/2 with epilepsy, which made me a little sad because I don't know how much longer she has; however, she can still jump onto my bed which is about 3 feet high, which is impressive for a senior kitty, and is taking meds for her condition. I would definitely get another cat for sure!

During COVID, I have discovered talents that I didn't know I had. I enjoy making jewelry and learning Japanese, as well as other hobbies I enjoyed in the past, such as reading and playing video games.

In spite of all the hell I went through, I am able to cope with everything beautifully, and hope to keep going.

I’d rate it as a 2. My life has been fairly easy. I’ve always had a different outfit to wear every day, a nice bedroom, a loving Mom and other supports and access to food, hygiene and other things.

My life hasn’t been perfect because Covid and my Mom’s parents passing away caused me to become very depressed but I try to remember the good things that I have in my life.

I'd say my life is a 6/10. It's ok and I enjoy it at times but there's always so much s**t going on... I'm bullied at school, my dad and his girlfriend are horrible to me and I lost my mum to cancer. All of this has led to me feeling very depressed and anxious, I'm so unhappy at times and feel like ending it all. I enjoy life and I want things to get better but at the moment it's like it never will get any better.

I'd say 5. I had my ups and downs, was suicidal for a while with various mental health problems. I am mostly okay now thanks to finally reaching out for help.

I wouldn't say my life has been difficult, apart from my teenage years. My life has actually been pretty easy, because of having a stable and supportive family around me, and getting support at school.
But it isn't very enjoyable being me.

I want to clarify that I said life is always difficult - I didn't mean to suggest it's always bad. Those are two different things.

My life is very difficult because even on a good day, I have raging Tinnitus 24/7, but also a host of extreme sensory issues which make daily existence painful even when I'm in a good mood. I can't tolerate much sound, light, touch, smell, or texture. That adds a layer of stress and challenge no matter what I'm doing, and it taxes my nervous system. It extends to my sleep and I have chronic sleep deprivation. I don't even get to the stage known as restorative sleep because my system is so hypersensitive and hyperaware. I thrash and move in my sleep, and I have nightmares requiring daily sleep medication.

This is all my default and even in the best of times, it makes everything I do challenging. I have to prethink and preplan every movement from having a shower, to wearing clothes, to eating or just reading a book. It depletes my energy stores so that I'm starting at Ground Zero before I even get out of bed.