Your first child

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I am 30 weeks pregnant with our first child. I'm ok with the whole labour thing, it's just looking after a child afterwards that has me nervous. I have no idea of what to do with babies. Toddlers I'm fine with. They are not nearly so fragile as babies. You hear all these stories of infant cot death and other horrible things and it makes me nervous about the realities of looking after a baby.

I have all these things I want to do for my little one and I want to be a good mum, but the whole thing after giving birth is a mystery.... A blank slate.


So, I thought I'd ask for experiences of what it was like to have your first child. What was the baby like? How did you find looking after it? Was it difficult to adjust your life to having this new little member? How did you learn all the things required for caring for a baby? etc...

when my son was born, the hospital had a few classes on things like handling the baby and bathing etc.-then a nurse would come by to help you learn how to nurse-some babies need a little help getting started-and after I was home a nurse would make an in home visit to see how things were going and answer any questions.

The nurses will happly show you what to do as far a changing the baby, how to care for the belly button and what ever else you ask them to show you so don't be shy about it. Also a great book is what to expect the 1st year. Where your having your baby very well might offer classes in basic infant care or talk to you gyno about a class you could take alot of times they are free and at night so they work around you and your parnters jobs.

The basics are
1 babies aren't able to hold thier heads-up on there own for the first month to two months to alway suporrt the babies head want ever you do don't let it flop around.
2 wash your hands alot babies don't have mature imune systems for the first 6 months <not sure on the age any more my
youngest is 9 so it's been a while for me>
3 the carseat is a must use must have the baby never ever gets in the car with out being in the seat call your local fire deparment they will show you how to put your carseat in the right way.
4 babies need to eat alot every 4 hours for bottle feed babies every 2 for a breast feed baby as they get old they will eat more at one time and won't need to be feed as many times a day.
5 Ask the nurses to show you how to burp your baby if you bottle feed or just incase you ever need to. It can take alot of discomfort away from a cranky baby and help mommy&daddy get some much needed rest.
6 sleep when the baby sleeps when they are little also try and make sure you are eating, getting to bathe ect so you don't end-up sick
7 Don't be shy about asking for help
8 lay your baby on his back to sleep and rotate him to keep his head from going flat on one side < form one time you lay him down to the next>
9 never wake a sleeping baby they will let you know when they need to eat or are wet let them sleep
10 no thick blankets pillows or stuffed toys in the crib when the baby is sleeping they have been shown to cause SIDS also make sure the baby's room isn't too hot over heating also can cause SIDS.
ok thats all I can think of right now but if more comes to mind I'll add a new post. Oh one more thing much love and best wishs to you and your new baby

First: Don't be alarmed when the whole labor thing comes around and it's not what you thought. When I had my first, I was struck by the Total Weirdness of things happening with my body where nothing usually happens! They never told me how weird it is!

Second: Most babies need lots of holding. It's good for them. One of my granddaughters, when she was a baby, would actually drop off to sleep when you put her in bed, sleep for hours, only cry when there was an obvious problem, socialize with everybody, just the baby everyone orders but nobody gets. The second one was more normal, needing lots of holding and crying when you put her down. In that situation, a baby sling is essential, so you can do other things while carrying the baby around. She did eventually outgrow it.

Third: All of CRD's advice is good.

Fourth: You can never have too many baby clothes. The more you have, the less often you have to wash them.

I had NO baby/child experience before my first was born, so I frantically read all of the books, took all of the classes, etc., so I thought I had the bases covered. I wasn't even close. Nothing could have prepared me for this tiny little babe that was about to rock my world upside down. I found the change from no kids to one to be completely life altering (in a good way).

Here are the things I wish I knew:

1) You will do at least something wrong and it is OK.
2) Babies are a lot more durable than you might expect, not that I recommend trying this one out.
3) Ditto on the never wake a sleeping baby (except for feeding in the early weeks). I also don't agree with the idea of shortening or putting off a nap so that the baby will go to bed easier at night. I've found that an overtired baby is the hardest to get to sleep.
4) I also never liked the pressure of the sleep when the baby sleeps advice. Sometimes you would rather take a shower or clean up a bit. A better rule, I think, is that you should do whatever makes you happy/calm/relaxed. You're gonna be sleep deprived no matter what.
5) Which brings me to this - you cannot even begin to understand what severe sleep deprivation feels like until you experience it. It's worse than you can imagine!
6) I think you can have too many baby clothes, especially if you're on a budget. They outgrow them sooo fast. Get a few cute outfits, and then graciously accept hand-me-downs. The only thing worse than lots of laundry is looking at a closet full of unused new clothes that your baby is too big for. Always buy a size up and roll up the waist/sleeves.
7) Don't smoke.

Last but not least, 9) don't be so eager for them to grow up. It happens way too fast. Cherish every second and try to spend a lot of time with them, in the present.

number5 wrote:

I remember being so tired that I literally couldn't hold my head up.

They grow up fast topic

The years just slip by. Mine are 35, 17 and 14 years of age now.

Also, there will be a brief time when everything you do or say is pure gold. You are the most wonderful person in the universe. Treasure it because it doesn't last.

The best places to get baby things are yard sales and check out freecycle. I got most of what I needed used but always make sure there are no recalls and carseats are not to be bought used because after they are in a accident they are no longer safe and unless they are a from a freind or family I wouldn't trust it. My sister slept a full 10 hours the first night she was home after she was born and never woke -up to eat at night ever ,so it came happen and if the baby needs to eat they will let you know but some babies are happier sleeping so if you are blessed with a baby like that I wouldn't wake them to eat you'll just tick your baby off. I agree with the not cutting off the naps a well rested baby is a happy baby. If I think of anything else I'll just keep adding.

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I really appreciate it. I am booked in for a parenting and labour class through the hospital, but it is not until 36 and 37 weeks. I am also unsure as to what it will tell me. The first class I went to with the hospital (the earlybird pregnancy class) was really unhelpful.

Polgara - As for the Labour thing, I don't really have much of an expectation. I figure I just have to get through it. It'll probably be unpleasant, but it won't last that long in the scheme of things...


I've just gotten to the stage where I'm starting to get sick of being pregnant. It's not so pleasant and cute when they kick you in the bladder. I haven't slept a full night in quite a while now. My muscles ache, I'm getting reflux and I get puffed walking up hills... and then there's this big stomach that gets in the way. I've also had colds off and on practically the whole way through, which doesn't really help with the whole bladder being full a lot thing... It is only 9 weeks to go now though, so I guess that's not too long. Crossing my fingers that he moves off my bladder for a while though and gives me a break.

*grins* I'm done. The baby advice is helpful btw.

Bella, congratulations on your impending new little one!

I only have a couple of things to add to the excellent tips you've gotten from everyone else.

If you are planning to breastfeed, then I recommend you read up on doing it lying down, so you can minimize nighttime feeding impact. We also had our babies in our room with us the first months (all but the last actually in our bed), which can be very helpful for you getting some shuteye if you are the kind of person who wakes at the slightest shiver of a thought that the baby might need you - if he's in the same room, you know you won't miss a tiny cry or whatever, and you can sleep more soundly.

If you are bottlefeeding, agree with your partner now that he will do at least half of the nighttime feedings. In that case, it might work best for your sleeping if the baby is in another room with a regular bed there, too; your partner can sleep in that room with the baby and you won't be woken up every two hours. (Sleep deprivation was an absolute killer for me with my last baby...can you tell? )

Provide lots of normal household noise for the baby. Unless your baby turns out to have extreme sensory sensitivities, then vacuuming, talking normally, and so on while he's tiny and sleeping will help him keep sleeping through that kind of noise when he gets older. Do NOT tiptoe around and whisper whenever the baby's asleep! Just go about your normal business at normal sound levels.

Having the baby in your room is a good idea for the frist few months,but I'm not a fan of co-sleeping. Babys have been hurt and have even died being smothered by blankets or rolled on by sleeping adults. If you like the idea of the baby right there there are baby beds that hook on to your bed that make it much safer then having the baby in your bed. Also once they get in your bed it takes for ever to get them out and thats not good for mom and dad getting a goodnight sleep or having what I call at my house " grown-up alone time". But other parents swear that cosleeping is the best way to bond with your child and it's good for the family. Ethier way I'd use the cosleeping baby bed to avoid anything that could hurt your little one if you want the baby in the bed.

If cosleeping appeals to you, then definitely read up on safe ways to do it. We had our little ones in extra beds beside ours, with their own blankets. Pillows and sharing adult blankets are definite no-nos, as is a lot of alcohol or any sleeping medications (the parents).

We didn't have any trouble transitioning our kids to their own beds / rooms, FWIW.

I just want to add something that I don't think has been addressed here yet...

I know it sounds horrible, but when my son was born, I didn't feel a "closeness" to him that a mother is expected to feel and that bothered me. Back then, I was not aware of my ASD and I just thought I was a bad person and might have been resentful because I had him so young (17). I would go through the motions of feeding him, changing him, bathing him. I'd watch him sleep and just stare at him. Looking back, though I was prepared for the labor, the physical stress etc, I just don't think I was fully prepared for the emotional side of becoming a mom. I have sensitivity issues, I loathe being touched at times, I do NOT do well with changes in routine no matter how prepared I think I am...

Anyway, the good news is that after a couple of weeks, something just "clicked" and I did feel that wave of emotion, that feeling of love that is almost indescribable. I was very relieved that it finally happened and since then the feeling has only increased. Anyway, I have read about and talked to a few other women who have gone through the same thing. They just, for whatever reason, did not bond with their child right away. It happens sometimes. It can be scary. But I think it just takes a while for us Aspies to "get used" to someone new, even if that someone is your own child. I mean, it's one thing to be pregnant and have that anticipation, and it's another thing to have a new person right there with you...it's hard for me to explain, lol. I just thought I'd mention it, because something like that can take you by surprise like it did with me.

I am also expecting my first child.

There are books out there that tell you how to take care of an infant and I read in my pregnancy book that you can have a nurse come over to check on you and your new baby to make sure and she also teaches you things like how to change diapers.


Diapers are a solution to your bladder. No more running to the bathroom all the time and worrying about accidents when there is no bathroom nearby.

I second the co-sleeping idea. There are many safe ways to do it. I'm currently cosleeping with my 4th child. (I'm pregnant with my 5th, 30 weeks along) The youngest (18 months) is in my bed, and I have 3 children (11, 6, and 3) that have transitioned into their own beds just fine.

In case you go that route, I have some breastfeeding advice. No smoking is best, however its recommended that you still breastfeed if you smoke over using formula. I'm just throwing that out there because a lot of mothers don't realize that. Personally I haven't smoked while pregnant or nursing.

A drink here or there is also fine while nursing and there is no need to "pump and dump" your breast milk.

Breastfeeding does hurt in those first days or weeks. Your nipples might even bleed. (it happens!) But I promise that it does get better. (and if it doesn't get better, or you feel hot and feverish, or your breasts are sensitive to the touch or red looking.. call your doctor because you might have mastitis or thrush.) Don't think the pain will last forever, it won't. Drink lots of water! You'll need it!

Always buy more 3-6 and 6-9 month sizes than any other ones. The newborn cutsey stuff never lasts long. Many babies are too big when they're born to fit into the newborn sizes at all! Skip the shoes. Babies don't need shoes of any kind. If its cold, just put some socks on them.

Don't buy a breastpump right away unless you know you are returning to work. You want to establish your milk supply before you start using the pump. And a pump always is less efficient than a baby is. In the same idea, don't start using bottles right away either.

Don't feel you have to give baby food at all. Many parent don't! (I didn't) The usual age to start foods is when baby learns to sit up, and not before that as it can contribute to food allergies and obesity. Sitting up is a sign that baby is ready to swallow foods and be independent eating. You can start them right on table foods that the rest of the family eats just cut up smaller.

Don't skimp on a baby stroller. If you're going to buy one, buy a good one that has great reviews.

No matter what carseat you use, don't put any aftermarket products in the seat even if they claim to be safe. #1 they havent been tested for safety and #2 they can void your warranty.

Check up into wearing a sling or a wrap, especially when your baby is tiny. I love Hotslings.com for baby pouches in very pretty patterns and fabrics.

You don't have to buy all the baby furniture before the baby. Sometimes you don't know what you need until the baby is here. Maybe you loved that swing, but the baby only wants you to hold her.

Bring sweatpants and loose clothing to the hospital after the baby is born. You might feel skinnier cause the HUGE belly has gone down a bit... but chance are you won't be able to fit into your old clothes and it will be depressing to try.

Your breasts will leak no matter if you nurse or not. If you decide NOT to nurse, you'll have to wait it out for your milk to dry up. No stimulation, face away from the shower, use cold cabbage on them to make them feel better, tylenol for pain, and breastpads for leakage.

You will bleed afterwards, even if you had a C-section.

Thats all I've got for the moment! If I think of more I'll come back tomorrow. Hope that helped!