I left my husband...

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I only got married April 24 of this year, but have already left my husband. He had a secret e-mail address, and left it open, and I found it September 17. I took one of our cats and moved back in with my mum and stepdad. He still has a cat and rabbit with him, but this cat was much closer to me and was pretty much my life, and kept me together. So, he was cheating, and on numerous dating sites, but he was corresponding with men and women--mostly men. But he told me today that he--at the time--didn't consider it fully cheating--because it was with men?!?!?!?!

I just started working at Home Depot in August, after not having a job for nearly 4 years. And I even think I'd like to go back to school, something I thought about before, but would never actually do--with him.

Good for you. Don't go back to him. It IS cheating. It doesn't matter that it was with men. I would get a good lawyer and take whatever you want. And move on with your life. Go back to school, do what you want. Be happy. You deserve it.

Oh man! What an awful experience!
I'm so sorry to hear about this. ):
Good for you - I'm also glad you managed to grab a cat before you got out of there. "Fully cheating" Pfft. Oh please. Because partial cheating is possible and perfectly fine... Ha. :\
You are so in the right here. That was just really rotten luck. I'm sorry it happened to you. ):

Oooh, school? Sounds like a great plan to me! If you want to do it, you should go for it for sure! (: Do you know what you want to study?
A new job can really change your perspective - same with learning a bunch of new stuff. New beginnings - Do whatever makes you happy, because you deserve happiness at least 9.8888889 times 10^55 more than he deserved you!

this was terrible news, I just don't understand what go's on in the mind of some men, my thoughts are with you,

That is fully cheating, so it's best that you divorce him, go back to school, and get on with your life.

My boyfriend did something very similar. In SOME relationships, the men are allowed to be with other men all they like - the reasoning is that because they are not actually gay (just bi, or interested in men but won't leave the woman for one, or whatever), it won't hurt anything. But that should have been discussed before anything happened. Same with my boyfriend. I forgave him because it was once and he did tell me.

But it sounds to me like you were right to leave. I'm glad you were able to stand up for yourself, instead of putting up with something that obviously made you unhappy. Go back to school, make something bigger of your life - and know that you're stronger than some of us can be (aspies or not), and you should be proud of that fact!

i'm sorry to read that he did that to you. regardless of whether it is cheating (i think it is, but it's my opinion), it involves lying and hiding things from you. if it was me, i would always wonder what else he had been untruthful about... i think you did the right thing for yourself, even though it must be really hard.

I think the definition of cheating is whatever your partner believes. It's not what YOU believe - it's what the person you are with considers to be cheating, because it's what would upset them. So that could be any number of things.

For my boyfriend and I, it means if he does anything with another girl, including flirting. For me, cheating isn't really possible.

Lying and hiding things are terrible in their own right.

DeaconBlues - I definitely felt mock-offense at the weasel comment, at first

The local university has a new degree, it is a Bachelor of Arts in Environmental and Sustainability Studies. I tried to apply online for a student loan for September 2011, to see if I could get approved, but it was too early to apply. I am going to Florida for two weeks with a friend and her family the end of this month... I have had it planned for a year, and I was so worried about going because I didn't think he'd take care of our animals! There were more problems than this cheating. And this is the last thing I ever thought would happen, he is a professional wrestler... ugh. He was meeting people online from the city and it seemed like he never wanted me to go to his wrestling shows... in the city...

I went to university for one year, 2004-2005, right after high school and had started paying back... I worked at a call centre for almost a year before I was fired for 'inappropriate behavior'. I didn't have a job for nearly 4 years... until I started working at Home Depot in August.

I took a Veterinary Assisting course online with 98% average, and now I am doing Forestry and Wildlife Conservation course-also online. So, I have more confidence in myself. And I've been volunteering at the SPCA animal shelter for over a year.

NEVER return to that freaky freak! Put on your shades and go forward not backward!

There is a book you need to read, "What Smart Women Know". It is a great book about how to avoid jerks, creeps, liars, and nutbags. It teaches you how to spot them right away, and how to spot an unnoticed great guy, but first you need to get your life together, and forget about men for a while while you heal and learn. Eniromental and sustainable studies sounds great! that is a booming field.

As for your soon to be ex husband, since you were not working during your marraige you can probably get alomony. Use that money to go to school.

you may need copies of that email you found for court...I hope you made copies

out of curosity, does the men he wrestle with know he is gay of sorts???

No one from wrestling knew he was gay, bi or whatever he was. He was trying to say he is straight, and doesn't want anyone to know different. If anyone knows I left, he simply just tells them that "we're having some trouble", etc. His cousin wrote to me about something and I said she'd have to call him since I don't live there anymore, and she apparently asked him what happened. He said he was "chatting inappropriately online with people"--and he told me that if he said "people" that people would assume it was with men and women... well, no. You kind of need to say it!

But as far as divorce goes, there's nothing to take. All he has is a lot of debt. And since I moved out (5 weeks today!), he has been working overtime (which would have been nice BEFORE since it was pretty tight), but he is making more money... I am not living there anymore... and he used to pay my mum $300/month for her car (so that expense is gone)... Well, you think he would be living alright but he has wasted his money, and now the car his parents bought him over a year ago, doesn't work!!

I never wanted to use that car and he doesn't maintain vehicles--neither do his parents... so that's why we were using my mum's car.

My stepbrother is a lawyer and said I should be able to get this easily annulled.
I will take care of that stuff when I get back from my Florida trip.