Mystified by the problems of other women

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I feel like I'm forced to be male even thought I'm female, so it's really weird for me to read all these threads about unwanted attention etc. I've never had any romantic attention and when I walk down the street I'm more likely to get spat at or rocks thrown at me than get hit on, which has never happened anywhere. It's strange because all women everywhere only complain of getting romantic attention which I'd be glad to get. Send some of those creepy guys my way, please, not like any normal ones want anything to do with me anyway. And yes, I shower and wear makeup and normal clothes etc..I'm in great shape. In fact I bet I take better care of my appearance and body than 90% of the women in here and am friendlier as well. I've never come across as arrogant or unfriendly to anyone. But people are just repulsed by my appearance and hostile because of that. But I don't want to be a man because I'm not attracted to women. Knowing I'll never even have a creep hitting on me much less a loving relationship is really depressing. I know by facial features I'm bottom 0.0001 percent of the population but is there really noone like me out there? Am I the only one with my problem?

You're a woman forced into to be a man. I don't even get what the hell that means.

Yes, I'd venture to say you're the only person, out of 30,000 people on WP, that has that problem.

CaptainTrips it means she feels unattractive as she believes her appearance and particularly her facial features are not as feminine as she thinks it ought to be.

Don't worry I'm sure you're not as bad as you think, and like you said you're in shape, friendly, and kind. There are guys attracted to these qualities maybe you just need to be in the right places so you can meet the right guys.

You have been spat on and had rocks thrown at you? (I do have more to say but I just wanted to ask this first.)

I kind of relate to the OP's post. I use to be treated like crap and called ugly by both men and women. When I first came here, I also felt alone with this problem. Many women being attractive and attracting the wrong men. You hardly hear stories about females getting rejected by guys or feeling insecure around them like you do the opposite sex. I think I may be more masculine in some ways than the typical aspie/neurotypical female. But I think mine mostly has to do with my social quirks and awkwardness.

When I first went on WP, I never mentioned this at all because I was very embarassed about it. As a female you feel like you're suppose to be the opposite, pretty and getting too much of the attention whether it be for the wrong or right reasons. It seems rare I guess. I've now moved on and have decided to be as honest as possible on here. I think there may be more of us than is realized, it's just that there are more guys here than girls as aspergers are mostly diagnosed in boys. Though I tend to wonder if females are not as vocal as guys are when it comes to our issues.

I met my husband when I was 16 and married at 21. I only had 2 boyfriends before him, one for a couple of days and one for 6 weeks, so neither were serious. I often wonder what life would have been like if I had gone through the 'finding a mate' stage. The last time I was chatted up by a guy, I was 16 and there doesn't appear to have been any attempts since. Of course I'm not looking to be chatted up, but you'd think someone might have had a go, especially pre-ring. So, I don't think it would have been easy. I'm not unattractive and have especially nice hair (or so I've been told), but I do feel less feminine than I ought to.

Bluerose - Why do you believe you are so unattractive? I quote 'I'm bottom 0.0001 percent of the population'. Is this what others have told you? When I was younger, I was told all sorts of things about how I looked and smelled, etc, which I now know were totally false.

purchase - Yes I have. No, I didn't do anything to provoke it, nor did I know the people. Like I said, mine is a situation opposite of common.

MissConstrue - I feel like that, too, I sort of feel silenced and like I can't talk to anyone about it because everyone likes to pretend all women are attractive to men as long as they wear makeup and work out. It sort of makes you feel like the least lucky person on the planet, kind of like the guy that got struck by lightning several times. It excludes you from conversation with women, which is mostly about relationships or how annoying getting hit on is.

Mummy_of_Peanut - It's my entire life experience. Never been hit on, never asked out, always rejected by every guy, no matter how unattractive THEY may be. No, nobody's told me, people assume you know, or have other ways of showing their disdain -- glares, facial expressions, shoving, spitting and throwing rocks at you when you go to the store.

There are NO guys attracted to me, and yes, I have approached guys, in clubs, etc. That is a given. But it's doubly as insulting when people believe your problem simply doesn't exist. As though I made up my entire life

you have to be giving off bad vibes or poor body language or come across as an easy target. people don't get rocks thrown at them randomly, and i've never heard of such happening for someone being ugly.

also, just because someone calls you unattractive doesn't mean you actually are.

i used to be called ugly and disgustingly a lot. i haven't heard that in awhile. i don't know what changed.

Must have something to do with how you "carry yourself" these days. To the OP, don't be jealous, seriously last guy who hit on me I actually found on the sex offender database for violent rape. Those are the only men I attract.

I disagree. I've had coins thrown at me while I was riding my bike and random trash thrown out car windows at me. It's usually kids and almost always guys. And it's never just one guy but a group of them. It also never seems to be for any reason I can see except that I probably look like I won't or can't kick their butts.

so you feel like a man because you've never been asked out by one (to feel like the opposite compliment to one) or you feel like a man hormonally as in a chemical imbalance or are your physical features (in your opinion) not feminine or even a bit masculine? I am sorry if I come across being rude, feel free not to answer if that is the case, i'm just a bit confused (in a literal sense) and I'm not quite understanding why you feel manly.


im now actually very very curious as to how you look

buryuntime - Just because you've never heard of it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. And no, I don't consider smiling and having a good posture as "bad vibes", maybe where you come from things are different.

Anyway, it's proven once and for all that all that bad vibes stuff etc is bs, people are just vicious. I was at a club tonight, and at one point I was waiting, just texting on my cell, cheerfully minding my own business when some random short, no-social-skills creep - you know the type that stand around the dance floor like ret*ds staring at all the women, came, sat next to me, and attracted my attention away from my cell to tell me "You know why you're sitting all alone and have no man? Because you're ugly, the ugliest girl I've ever seen."Then he drank my drink and ran away before I could call the security. Seriously, you'd think I'm making this stuff up. This is getting so ridiculous, the next guy to as much as look at me gets my footprint on his face:D

qwerty12345 - I'm glad you think my problem is not much to complain about, when you get married and have kids and are happy maybe I can think about how lucky I am to never have those things and never have guys hit on me. Sex offender, send him over here:D As if I'd ever get raped:D

cozysweater - Yeah, it's always guys. No, I can't do anything, then again, neither can the hot chicks, but I've never heard of them getting something thrown at them. Money or roses, maybe. But not rocks.

I'm sorry bluerose! They're cowards who need to make other people feel small so they can feel better about themselves.

I agree, that man at the club is an example of this.

But i think that it may be a body language problem. I'm not sure how to proceed without being offensive, but i know that my body language or presence causes people in general to overlook me like i don't exist. Maybe you walk stooped shouldered? And that is taken as a sign of weakness. Maybe you seem severe or abrupt or too exact in your speech which guys can find off putting. Are you one of these intelligent types who knows they are usually right and makes other people feel like you are looking down on them because of your manner?

I'm not saying this to get you down. I'm sorry, but i'm just making suggestions in the hope of helping.

I think our definition of random differs. People might throw rocks to be mean, for fun, out of anger, etc. They may pick you randomly by chance, but I very much doubt anybody would pick up a rock and throw it randomly without an emotional reason. And since this seems to happen to you often, I can come to a reasonable conclusion that it is something about you.

And it's most likely your body language if these people don't know you. We're on an autism forum. Just because you think your posture and smile are good, doesn't mean they actually are. I think I smile all the time but people tell me I do not seem to much at all, or do it constantly. I do not feel or sense this, because I'm autistic. If you're autistic, you are an easier target and you might have unnatural body language or not be aware of such things. So my hypothesis is that people are sensing something different about you. I do not mean to offend either, it's just that people picking up rocks without any reason to and throwing them at you doesn't make sense.

The man at the club had his own problems. He seen you as an easy target most likely. I'd guess from your description it's just that you were sitting alone, but I've never been in a club and don't know if that's a common occurrence or not, so it is probably influenced by some vibe you are putting off.

Growing up I was bullied by boys a lot and women. As an adult, some men hit on me, but very few. I also get bullied as an adult by men.

Some people are just evil, nasty people. But getting hit on isn't as common as you think. I think the last time I got hit on in real life was about 2 years ago at a bar.