Telling someone you don't want to meet him

Post Reply New Topic

I'm having trouble with a guy who can't accept that I don't want to meet up with him again. Since telling him I don't want to see him anymore, he's texted me 23 times in less than 3 weeks asking me to meet him. I've tried saying no and I've tried ignoring his messages, but he keeps asking. A few days ago I agreed to meet him with one of my other friends present, which he seemed happy about, but straight afterwards he started asking to meet me again on my own. In the past I've always given in to him when he kept pressuring me to see him, and I'm worried that I'll do the same this time if he doesn't stop texting me. Is there a way of saying "no" which will convince him I really mean it, without being rude or hurtful towards him?

BLOCK HIS NUMBER! This is harassment.

And no, there's no way to do it without being rude or hurtful. He's beyond that point. Tell him right out, "I don't like you, you make me uncomfortable, I don't want to meet you, I won't ever want to meet with you again. I only did so in the past to be polite, but you have now exceeded my comfort levels."

Thanks for your responses. I have told this guy that I don't want to see him anymore, but I think I did give him mixed messages by agreeing to meet him as long as my friend was there. I was trying to find a compromise between seeing him alone, which is what he wanted, and not seeing him at all, which is what I wanted. But I realise now by doing that I must have led him to hope that I would change my mind about seeing him alone again. If he contacts me again I will try to be clearer that I really don't want to meet him again.

I've been in a similar situation with the same guy nearly a year ago when I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. He carried on texting me for 5 months, even though I either refused to meet him or didn't respond to his messages at all. Even when I told him I had a boyfriend it didn't make any difference. In the end I did start seeing him again after I split up from my boyfriend and was feeling lonely. That was a mistake because it showed him that if he kept on persisting, I would change my mind eventually.

Unfortunately he's never wanted to take "no" for an answer. Before I met up with him for the second time I was warned that he might be trouble so I cancelled our meeting, but even back then when he hardly knew me he kept texting until I said yes. I'm starting to wonder if he has aspergers too, which is why I don't want to be harsh towards him as he may not understand how he's making me feel. I know I pester my friends sometimes even when they don't answer my messages so to some extent I can see this situation from his point of view.

You have been kind enough!

In the last two hours I've received another 3 texts from him asking me to meet him tomorrow, so it looks like he isn't going to stop. Even if I manage to resist the pressure to meet him for now, it's possible that a few months down the line if I feel lonely again I would be grateful he's still contacting me and would end up going to see him again. So I do need to prevent him contacting me. I wouldn't go to the police because he's a Muslim and there could be serious repercussions for him with his family as I imagine he wouldn't be allowed any contact with a non-Muslim woman. Blocking his number would be a good idea but I wouldn't want him to know I'd blocked him because I'd be upset if someone did that to me. Maybe if I change my number he would just think my phone was broken and wouldn't know I'd done it because of him. I know what it's like to do the wrong thing in social situations, that's why I'm trying to see it from his point of view.

I appreciate all the advice, it's interesting to hear the opinions of other females about this situation.

I met a guy years ago in 2007. He was a creepy guy. He pressured me to meet him so I did. What he made me do to him made me really uncomfortable and also the fact he didn't want to walk around the mall because it was "boring" and I did not enjoy being with him and I was so glad when it was time for me to go to work so he drove me there and dropped me off. Then online he kept talking dirty to me and then when he messaged me months later, he knew I already had a boyfriend and he still kept talking about wanting to have sex with me. Then after I was married he still talked about wanting to do it and then invited to have my husband go to bed with us and my husband asked me "is he gay?"
I tried to be clear with him and direct and told him he is a pig but he wouldn't stop so I blocked him finally.


About two years later he sends me two emails. One was how he hasn't seen me online so how have I been. I ignored it. The second one he sent me was saying he had a question about Asgerper's and if I am still using that email address. I thought about if I should respond or not but then decided against it. I mean if he has a question about it, go online and ask, that is what autism forums are for. I never told him I had it but he must have done a search on my email and saw me on one of the autism forums and figured it out.


I was stupid to meet up with him and I never met up with him again. His company with me was boring and also the fact creepy because of what he made me do to him. Since he had a question about AS, I wonder if he had it too or something? Maybe it be about where he can go get tested for it or diagnosed or asking me what it's like to have it or if me sending him mixed signals had anything to do with it. I don't know if I sent him any mixed signals. But who knows what questions he had about it.


But I am glad I listened to myself finally and blocked him and made myself to not ever meet him again. Sometimes you have to judge and not keep giving someone a benefit of the doubt because you have to draw the line somewhere and just assume they are dirty and creepy after you have been honest and upfront with them. I mean what is so hard to understand that I am married and won't have sex with him?

I think you definitely did the right thing by not answering his emails. He was probably asking about aspergers so he had an excuse to talk to you again. Like you say, if he'd wanted to find out about it there are plenty of places online to read about aspergers. If you'd replied, he would probably have taken the chance to try to pressure you again into having sex with him. You were right not to give him the benefit of the doubt because he made you do things you didn't want to do and he had no right to do that.

*facepalm*