Why does society make it so much work to be a woman?!

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0_equals_true
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07 Aug 2016, 3:37 pm

YippySkippy wrote:
It's not my scenario because I don't think patriarchy explains all society's ills, and I agree that people are responsible for their own actions. I was trying to explain WHY some people choose the actions they do.


It is a valid hypothesis I just don't happens to by it. I think it more primal than that. These sort of thing happen in matriarchal groups/societies too. I think there is a drive to compete always.



wilburforce
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07 Aug 2016, 5:44 pm

0_equals_true wrote:
wilburforce wrote:
Indeed, thanks for all your help. Bye Bye now!

p.s.--PPR is the place for counterargument, not Women's Discussion. :D


Tells me all I need to know. You don't want people to disagree with you especially if it is coming from a man. You want people to go away so you don't have worry about others having opinions differing from yours, and you can believe what ever you want without question.


How many times do you need to be reminded that this forum is specifically NOT for the kinds of discussions you are intent on having with women? If you want to have arguments about these issues then make a thread in PPR and have that argument there with people who are willing to have an argument on the subject. This is not the place for it and you have been warned about this behaviour before--if you're not intentionally trying to get yourself banned, then I would suggest moving on to PPR and leaving this thread if you cannot contribute without being argumentative.

Here's a link to the rules for Women's Discussion, since you seem to have forgotten them despite being reminded:
Forum Guidelines - Women's Discussion


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Amity
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07 Aug 2016, 6:41 pm

^The rules also mention that men are welcome here if they are respectful.
This isn't a women's only thread and I don't see any disrespectful behaviour from the male posters, nothing that warrants provoking comments like being told to get out!
I mean exclusion is something that both genders can relate to here on WP, I know that being told to get out would touch on a sensitised aspect of my feelings.

The general rules apply here too... viewtopic.php?t=263570



wilburforce
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07 Aug 2016, 7:00 pm

Amity wrote:
^The rules also mention that men are welcome here if they are respectful.
This isn't a women's only thread and I don't see any disrespectful behaviour from the male posters, nothing that warrants provoking comments like being told to get out!
I mean exclusion is something that both genders can relate to here on WP, I know that being told to get out would touch on a sensitised aspect of my feelings.

The general rules apply here too... viewtopic.php?t=263570


Yes, respectful of the fact that they are not women and can't really understand our experiences firsthand and because of that they should defer to listening mode when women are talking about things that they can't understand firsthand (like why we do or don't wear makeup, and what pressures we do or don't feel and from where in regards to makeup) instead of lecturing us about how we do this to ourselves and otherwise explaining our own experiences to us like we aren't living our own lives firsthand and they somehow know better about our own situation than we do. It is patronising and disrespectful, and I'm tired of being lectured at about my own f*****g life from someone who isn't living it.


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YippySkippy
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07 Aug 2016, 9:00 pm

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It is a valid hypothesis I just don't happens to by it.


It's not a hypothesis. I'm telling you, as a woman, what women experience.

I have to agree with others that you seem to be looking for a PPR-type discussion. Do you understand how to have a conversation that is not a debate, but a sharing of thoughts and experiences? I'm not being snarky, I'm just honestly wondering if you understand that there are different kinds of conversations.



RetroGamer87
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07 Aug 2016, 9:41 pm

Since he's part of the accused group he has a right to defend himself.

It ceases to be a woman's discussion the moment the moment you accuse men.

If you want to do that you should take it to PPR.


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wilburforce
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07 Aug 2016, 10:18 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Since he's part of the accused group he has a right to defend himself.

It ceases to be a woman's discussion the moment the moment you accuse men.

If you want to do that you should take it to PPR.


Why the hell are you guys so personally threatened when we discuss our experiences, why do you have to rush in and discount our lives and try to shut us up? This roundabout is so tiresome. This is not about you! Just let us have our discussion and share our experiences without these unhelpful intrusions, please!


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RetroGamer87
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07 Aug 2016, 11:16 pm

I'm not trying to shut anyone up, that's what you're doing.

You're projecting your own desire onto me.

I'm no threatened by people who disagree with me, you are.

Once again that's projection.

Projection is when you assume other people think think same way you do.


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Chronos
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08 Aug 2016, 12:01 am

0_equals_true wrote:
Chronos wrote:
This stuff has been going on since antiquity and has been perpetuated by men and women alike. It will continue to go on as long as humans walk the Earth. It is nothing that will change with protest, wisdom, or thought.

Women who wear makeup, and the men who want them, I don't resent. I just wish more men were aware of what the reality of women without makeup actually looks like, and that people would stop making the assumption that youth and beauty are among my top concerns because I'm female. They are not.


See this is where I'm not wholly convinced. I'm not sure in what way men could have perpetrated women's makeup habits, and is there any historical or anthropological evidence for this? Heterosexual men generally know little about women's beatification habits. Well men are more feminized these days and doing some of the makeup too. However this also happened in ancient times too. Tribal makeup was for other reasons too. Still I don't really see it as much of a conspiracy against women.

I think the taboo subject is female competition. Ask any biologist or behaviorist, the elephant in the room is that women compete with one another and the is the driving force behind many of these behaviors. It is true for other animals and primates so why wouldn't it be true for humans? Of course it has something to do with men, but that is not the same as saying they a responsible. Or it is some patriarchal conspiracy.

If I was to give my answer why it is hard for many women in this case, female competition would be on the top of the list. Not the only reason but a big one.

If men aren't aware of what women look like without makeup, could they be blamed for this? Personally I am aware, but I am astounded to learn just how much of a transformation it can be. I had no idea at one point.

Also there is little moral high ground what one finds attractive. If a person doesn't find x attractive, they can't complain if someone doesn't find y attractive about them. Yes there are some beauty memes but it is also quite personal. Real life is just like that, not ideally padded. There are harsh realities, but it is part of normal preference.

You have to look at who actually sets women's beauty trends. It is not heterosexual men that are behind glossy women's mags, and the appearance and body types within. There is market for them clearly, as there is with magazine like Hello!


This is not a matter of blame as there is no fault in preferences or affinity which evolution bestows us.

Yes, there is competition among women for status and value, just like there is competition among men for status and value. For women, two of those higher valued bargaining chips are youth and beauty.

If you would like examples of this, you can find them in books such as the bible, in the Book of Esther. Esther was about 15 when her beauty caused her to catch the eye of Xerxes II, and was put through a year of beauty treatments before she married him. You may also read "1001 (Arabian nights)", the stories of which date back at least a few centuries and possibly to antiquity. Beautiful women are big themes in them, (as are other things humans prize, such as wealth). Nefertiti and Cleopatra the 7th were very powerful women, but still society focuses on their beauty.

But as I said, there is no sense in getting upset about it.

I've noticed something interesting. I generally don't wear makeup. I'm not the best looking person in the world, but I have pretty good skin with good coloring. While they don't approach me, and I certainly would reject them if they did (and tell their wives that their husband made a pass at me), I notice that married men are more likely than single men to eye me. I suspect that one of the reasons for this is, they are more likely to know what women actually look like, as they have seen their wives without makeup, and so possibly are more inclined than single men to think I am good looking.



traven
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08 Aug 2016, 1:04 am

dianthus wrote:
Good one wilburforce...it is on youtube, here's the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyeTJVU4wVo

I don't see much difference between telling a woman she doesn't need makeup, and telling her that she does.


^that is only the case when you talk about what to do/not to do, but one choice is depending on a whole unethical industry with gross profit on it's back
those choices that are bigger than "what you feel about it", it doesn't make sense to put these choices on the same level!

objectively what does it say to paint lips bloody-red?
why would you want to look as if you freshly swallowed a life, what is communicated?

(on top of that these companies control the female magazine market by being the biggest advertisers (even charades like pink ribbon are the pr hand covering up for the other))



RetroGamer87
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08 Aug 2016, 1:11 am

And that's how you avoid talking to someone you don't want to talk to :)

By not talking to them.

Anyway, Women's Discussion is a protected area. For those of your who are less emotionally fragile, please continue your debate here.


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Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 08 Aug 2016, 1:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

Amity
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08 Aug 2016, 3:11 am

wilburforce wrote:
Amity wrote:
^The rules also mention that men are welcome here if they are respectful.
This isn't a women's only thread and I don't see any disrespectful behaviour from the male posters, nothing that warrants provoking comments like being told to get out!
I mean exclusion is something that both genders can relate to here on WP, I know that being told to get out would touch on a sensitised aspect of my feelings.

The general rules apply here too... viewtopic.php?t=263570


Yes, respectful of the fact that they are not women and can't really understand our experiences firsthand and because of that they should defer to listening mode when women are talking about things that they can't understand firsthand (like why we do or don't wear makeup, and what pressures we do or don't feel and from where in regards to makeup) instead of lecturing us about how we do this to ourselves and otherwise explaining our own experiences to us like we aren't living our own lives firsthand and they somehow know better about our own situation than we do. It is patronising and disrespectful, and I'm tired of being lectured at about my own f*****g life from someone who isn't living it.


I can understand that frustration, at one point in my life I felt like everyday was a critique of my ability to conform to the expected standards, which I failed at regardless of effort. It was exhausting. Yeah I make my own choices, but like anything its a choice within a choice, limited, people generally pick the easier option, except in the long term it wasn't sustainable for me.

Maybe the chaps that post here could be mindful that failure at being a proper woman is a message some of us receive indirectly on a daily basis, that WP is a space to just feel normal, you know... an escape from being just wrong as a woman.

Comments like we choose to wear make up/dress a certain way etc can actually feel quite hurtful, because for many its not a real choice at all, its too much linked to survival/mental well-being to be considered a choice, for some the alternative ("choice") is to put yourself in harms way by standing out as different from the other women, something that I consider akin to choosing a self harm situation.



Amity
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08 Aug 2016, 3:27 am

Chronos wrote:
But as I said, there is no sense in getting upset about it.

I've noticed something interesting. I generally don't wear makeup. I'm not the best looking person in the world, but I have pretty good skin with good coloring. While they don't approach me, and I certainly would reject them if they did (and tell their wives that their husband made a pass at me), I notice that married men are more likely than single men to eye me. I suspect that one of the reasons for this is, they are more likely to know what women actually look like, as they have seen their wives without makeup, and so possibly are more inclined than single men to think I am good looking.


That makes perfect sense, being upset about the reality of the world is at times understandable, but not a productive default response.

Also making perfect sense is your observation about married men and knowing what women really look like, had never thought about it like that before.



Amity
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08 Aug 2016, 3:31 am

YippySkippy wrote:
Quote:
female competition would be on the top of the list


But what drives female competition? Most women aren't competing with each other for mates, they're competing for social/societal power. In a patriarchy this power comes from men, which is why looking attractive makes many women feel more secure and powerful.
Have you ever seen an unattractive female and an attractive female have an argument? I saw it over and over in school, and every time the males in the room would side with the more attractive female. Adult society functions the same way. In every circumstance, a more attractive woman is treated as more "valuable" than a less attractive one. That is what feeds women's desire for fashion mags, etc. Not a desire for a mate, but a desire for social safety and respectful treatment.


This also rings true with me, for many women their outward presentation is a survival piece.



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08 Aug 2016, 4:04 am

It rings true with me too. I hate wearing those tight fitting formal clothes but I have to everyday, it's in the office dress code. If I was in a meeting wearing t shirt and trackpants, I wouldn't be taken seriously.

Not just clothing for me. A few years ago I had a weight problem. People didn't take me seriously. If I got into an argument with a fit guy, I was assumed to be the loser by default. He was considered to be a "real man" and I was just some fatass.

Back then I went to a lot of job interviews and got passed over. When they saw my rotund body they thought "if he's too lazy to exercise then he's too lazy to work here".

I became quite depressed about my weight and I starved myself. I lost 120 pounds. People took me seriously. I got a job.


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08 Aug 2016, 4:42 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
It rings true with me too. I hate wearing those tight fitting formal clothes but I have to everyday, it's in the office dress code. If I was in a meeting wearing t shirt and trackpants, I wouldn't be taken seriously.

Not just clothing for me. A few years ago I had a weight problem. People didn't take me seriously. If I got into an argument with a fit guy, I was assumed to be the loser by default. He was considered to be a "real man" and I was just some fatass.

Back then I went to a lot of job interviews and got passed over. When they saw my rotund body they thought "if he's too lazy to exercise then he's too lazy to work here".

I became quite depressed about my weight and I starved myself. I lost 120 pounds. People took me seriously. I got a job.



Now imagine that even after losing all of that weight, you still weren't taken seriously. In fact, imagine a world where no matter what you do, how much experience you have, or how many degrees you earn, you are still not taken seriously, and you are always assumed to be wrong by default.

That is the world that a lot of women live in.