Straight Talk for Women on the Spectrum

Post Reply New Topic

Funny, I also take iodine. I read about the link between thyroid problems, breast ailments and iodine about 7 years ago. I take it a few times a week (Lugol's).

Hi, I'm glad to have found this corner of this forum. I'm not sure I'll be brave enough to post much but it's nice to hear the stories of other people like me - I don't feel so stupid/excessively smart or weird reading the experiences of others here. I only connect with other people online who share my special interest since I find the benefits outweigh the stress but I just wanted to let you guys know that the shyer lurkers among us really appreciate your frank, brave honesty - it helps.

Hi all, I just read through this entire thread and feel so much better knowing that I'm not the only one.

I have not been officially diagnosed but after reading the traits for women, , I couldn't believe it. All these years I'm thinking that it was my dysfunction family life, although I'm sure that didn't help. I always struggled in school, was unruly, disruptive, aggressive and as result, a complete social outcast. I get cold easily and prefer to dress in loose comfortable clothing, plus I'm fashion inept to begin with - imagine how fun that was in high school?

As far as dating. I am so NOT good at it. Plus, I do not like being snuggled for long periods of time. Now I know why.

And those are just some of the things that I have had to deal with.

I haven't discussed these recent discoveries with any family members - I'm still debating that with myself. I will say this, there are things I "normally" would stress over that I suddenly couldn't care less about anymore - like trying to "fit in". Suddenly I'm not so upset about some of the BS I had to put up with while growing up. It's quite refreshing really.

Thanks for listening.

Hello,

I'm 28 and recently self diagnosed. My 4 year old nephew has just been diagnosed with Aspergers and from the many books and articles I have read I believe I too have Aspergers. (My Mum and Dad are also on the spectrum, but those are longer stories).

I have spent many years agonising over why I am not like other people, and apologising for what I refer to as my "social retardation". I have often been called weird, unfriendly, awkward, cold, intimidating, exhausting and even psycho.

Until I began researching Aspergers traits in women (with which I strongly identify with almost all of them) I attributed by awkwardness and inability to connect with people as having grown up as a lesbian in a very intolerant environment.

I have sought professional help from several doctors and therapists in the past and have been diagnosed with anxiety, depression and social and commitment phobia. I was prescribed Aropax when I was 17 which lead to me becoming even more of a social outcast, and also contributed to my developing anorexia. I stopped taking Aropax when I was 18 but have had an eating disorder ever since (long binges followed by long periods of extreme caloric restriction and exercise).

I do not have any friends and have become increasingly more reclusive as I've gotten older. I have had 3 long term relationships ranging between 2-4 years in duration but they have all been damaged by my obsessiveness, control issues, perfectionism (especially when its my partner I'm trying to perfect) intense meltdowns, rigid black and white views, difficulty compromising, and inability to integrate with their friends and family.

I have been single for 2 months and am now living alone. I have not ruled out relationships in the future but I feel as though I'm only suited to short physical relationships rather than the conventional "married with children" types.

I identify with so many of the Asperger's syndrome traits that I'm starting to wonder how much of my life has truly been voluntary. I'm not sure if others can identify with what I mean by that.

Thanks.

Wow, this woman sounds so much like me!

Are all the people who've posted on this thread still here? Is anyone in New York?

Thanks for letting me rant a bit...and thanks for this thread...

I stumbled into the Asperger's diagnosed after completing the EQ test, which I did in an effort to try to resolve some long-term behavioral patterns that have tremendously hampered my success as an IT professional. When I stumbled into the results of the test as an aspie and completed the next aspie tests, everything made so much sense...I couldn't stop crying for almost three days because of a deep sadness of what it felt like a wasted life for not having been diagnosed or learned much earlier about Aspergers traits in relationship to my behaviors. Having put this together 20 years earlier would have been of great help and avoided a lot of ache and unnecessary soul searching and desperate search for explanations...and better choices about jobs...

As soon as I recognized how many of the Aspegers traits I had, I asked my husband (of now 15 years) to highlight in lists of traits, without my influence, which ones he thought I had or reflected my personality/behaviors. I just gave him all sorts of lists and asked him to highlight whatever he thought described me...Once I told him why I was asking (he saw me crying for three straight days) he went I read all about aspergers he could find and was simply convinced, without hesitation, that it described me to the letter, he even created his own lists of examples for each trait...

Then I emailed very educated acquaintances with whom I had interacted enough for them to have form an idea of me and asked them a very general question to describe as honestly and as candidly as they could what they thought about me without telling them why I was asking. I begged them to be as truthful as possible in their written replies and not to worry about offending me.

Then I asked my older sister, via email, to describe me as a child without telling her why I was asking (you would be amazed how much I discovered from this little exercise with her..) She was in charge of my younger sister and me for all of our infancy since my mom worked all the time.

Thru all this, I couldn't stop writing on the experience of finally having all the pieces fall into place, Aspergers described everything almost to the letter of what was off with me and how all the failed attempts to fix me just missed the real problem. I wrote down everything for 12 straight days about how each memory from my endless list of memories about the oddness and the resulting problems when interacting with people had now made sense.

It took me about three weeks to get the courage to find someone who could diagnose me officially, and then another week to actually find someone and schedule the appointment, which was yet another month later.

Before going to see a person who had experience diagnosing people with Aspergers and on the spectrum, I put in a folder with all the tests and results, all the email replies from the acquaintances, my husband highlighted lists, my sister's emails with the childhood descriptions together with my own essays and then created a bullet list of what I wanted out of the first meeting with this doctor because I knew I would be rambling for an hour and needed to make it work. I took this to my appointment and handed them to the doctor. I didn't want any misdiagnosis of bipolar, depression, personality disorder or any argument because I know what I don't have and AS has been the only thing that explain what I have... All the documents, with the detail anecdotes and descriptions from my husband, sister, and acquaintances combined look like a text book case of the traits...and add to that my essay of my memories, self-diagnosis isn't enough, the official diagnose at that point had become indispensable with so much external validation...

I'm 46 years old. I don't know how the official diagnose is going to improve, or if it would, the rest of my life, I just know that it would have helped in the pass, I'm certain of it, that if I had known this just 15 years ago I would have not done somethings that have turned into very costly decisions... Even if I never tell anyone else, receiving the official diagnose is very important for a broad range of reasons.

I have lots and lots of questions, for example, how could an NT possibly understand enough to be able to diagnose someone who is highly functioning... what if the reason so many adults are now self-identifying as AS or on the spectrum is because so many have been just simply misdiagnosed or ignored as having personality issues in the past and there was not easy access for them to compare what "I feel" versus what explanations are out there that best match what I feel until the Internet and the free information came along? If it had not been for the free, easily accessible EQ test I would have never, ever stumbled into the list of traits that so clearly defined mine, never.

I'm currently in the process of being professionally diagnosed, my doctor is already totally convinced, more than convinced, I'm on the spectrum...

The point I would like to end my rambling with is that I find it important that every woman who has self-diagnosed could get some external validation from more than one source, following the scientific method of experimentation, and then get officially diagnosed. And reason for it is that as it is, we are being dismissed (women I mean) in all sorts of forms. I'm Latina who has held high level positions in IT companies and I can list you plenty of reasons people find to dismiss women. Self-diagnose, without any validation, would just give other people more reasons for brushing the issue under the rug as if it is just a phase, tantrum for attention or excuse for failure....Just my opinion. But the problem is that it is virtually impossible to get help, and the insurance companies are actually actively denying coverage of the spectrum tests for adults. Without that, it becomes financially impossible to seek out help...that alone is big, big problem, specially if most people on the spectrum are unemployed...

Reading these posts makes me want to cry. A) because I can relate, this IS me and (B) because I realize I most likely won't get a diagnosis. I was hoping it wouldn't have to be only a self diagnosis. I'm 39, married to a man I know is an Aspie but he refuses to consider a diagnosis. And he says its pointless for me to bother. Our 5 year old son was diagnosed in October as Aspie and our 3 year old son is going for an assessment in the next few months. My mother and sister refuse to accept that I am on the spectrum they can't understand why I don't have friends why I can't go out and make friends. Why I am so frustrated by seemingly "normal" tasks like making dinner or grocery shopping or hate clothing shopping. I hate the clerks in clothing stores asking me continuously if I need help. I'd ask for help if I needed it. I have sensory overload issues, eye contact issues - I have to tell myself not to stare, to look away, but don't look at someone's chest because that's not good either. I have had friends in the past but things always went south when I did or said something wrong - something I still don't understand. Anyways I have barely uncovered the tip of the iceberg, but I'm sure you know where I'm coming from.

Based on my experience, it would make no difference if your husband gets or doesn't get diagnosis, this is a personal thing and you shouldn't force him, it would bring more issues for you to deal with. The energy you are investing trying to get others to accept what you are telling them you are might be best invested in understanding what tools you need to cope with this reality...convincing them of this will also make little difference unless they know how to behave differently around you. It is important to understand that what you seem to be seeking from your mother, sister, husband isn't just understanding of your condition, but it seems you want them to change for you...that is the biggest challenge they face and honestly a tall request for anyone...it is hard for us to change for NTs so it is also hard for them to change for us...compassion is the biggest thing we all need.

If you could list a very short list of the things you think you need right now, versus trying to get your family to change....that might give you some sense of progress...

You could start by contacting an expert on "Justanswer". I did, because during my years of unimployment I have been called many strange things by the social "mechanism" and felt, that nothing fitted.
I had been cirkling round autism for years and at last the Aspie thing. I can relate to many things in here, so I have been doing tests for months, all of them ending up with the same result, - Asperger Light.-
At last I collected all my observations regarding my life and the test results today and wrote to Justanswer. A psychotherapist told me, that my description totally fitted the story of a very high functioning Aspie. Because of my age and location, I will never get a diagnosis, - but I have now heard it from a professional person, and that gives me a certain peace of mind, -maybe.
This is still an eye opener tour.

Hi, so glad I found this forum. Have spent the last hour reading posts and can so identify with much of what has been said here. I am a 62 year old female who only recently realized my whole life of issues was quite likely a result of Aspergers with a big helping of ADD. I actually gave up trying to be like everyone else a long time ago as I figured out one day it just wasn't possible. Everything is now making so much sense. I have just this past month had an official diagnosis and yes I was right - I am an Aspie. Only my immediate family knows so far and right now I am just digesting all this means. I am ok with it, but still have so many thoughts. I want to thank you for all the comments, they are a big help. I have spent so much time wondering "what was wrong with me" and now I know. Nothing I will continue to read posts as it is wonderful for me at this age, to realize I am not alone. Best wishes from Canada everyone.

Can you explain what you mean by that? Because I've been struggling with that lately too but not sure how you meant it.

I am happy I have seen this topic.Many issues about AS woman are not mentioned.In almost every article is a main focus on AS men.I would like you write about themes such as aspie girls poblems in childhood,aspie girls adolescence,family that misundarstands AS woman,AS woman and dating,sex problems.There are articles about it but they are focused on men,so I don`t find them helpful.

I'm 38, married, with a 12 year-old daughter. I was evaluated by TEACCH (an organization specializing in screening, diagnosing, and treating autism, though most of their folks are by far children with few adults - like me - seeking services) in 2005, I think it was. I was told then that I just *barely* missed meeting the full diagnostic criteria for Aspergers but I was definitely part of the "broad autistic phenotype." This was from one of the research scientists who defined and presented that same phenotype to the medical profession. So I felt he was probably somewhat well-versed in what he was looking at.

As for me, I have a graduate degree in counseling psychology and work in the vocational rehabilitation field as the Rehabilitation Director for a large, multi-site nonprofit. I'm used to working with people with all sorts of mental health, developmental disabilities, substance abuse problems, and physical conditions. Oftentimes more than one of the above at the same time. My uncle is also an Aspie, and there are strong signs of it in my father and paternal grandmother. So I know the clinical presentation quite well.

I've also been researching (mostly today, but off and on for the last week and a half) the changes to the new DSM-5 which was just released in May. I have concerns. Boy, do I ever....

Anyway, on a personal level I stink at reading body language (self-taught from books), but I can do it if I don't also have to pay attention to what people are saying. It's like I can either focus on and interpret one or the other, but not both simultaneously. I've learned "small talk" but it's very much a product of mental scripts and awareness of social expectations. My mother was (and is) a prominent religious leader and growing up I was expected to be the "perfect child" and represent her well. So yeah, I learned when to smile and nod, shake hands (still have to remind myself to do that), the script for social pleasantries, all of that. It's served me well in my professional life. My analytical mind helps me problem-solve and the constant barrage of social grooming as a kid helps me not be so blunt with others.

I rarely wear makeup (which is fine with my husband, he doesn't like the thought of messing it up by kissing me when I do wear it, anyhow) and I dress up mostly because it's expected of someone in my position. Given a choice, I'd be happy to wear my yoga pants and a t-shirt every day.

Lots more, but I'll call it quits now. Oh, in one of the posts somewhere in this thread I saw some folks talking about the MBTI... I'm a certified MBTI administrator (and a Strong Interest Inventory administrator as well) and type-watching is one of my personal fascinations. I'm an INTP/J, by the way, which defaults to INTP.

Feel free to PM or friend me or whatever...it'd be nice to have some folks to talk to who are dealing with similar sorts of things and who have an actual chance of understanding it all!

Becca