Things I have learned in life about being female

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There are Cracker Barrels in the North, too. They frequently are fine places to eat. I find the atmosphere at Cracker Barrel to be nice.

There's lots to like in the South, actually. The entire South is not a cesspool of Redneckery.

I'm having such deja vu reading this question, I must have asked myself this one a million times.

Here I have fixed your mis representation of my words, again.



You must feel very tired, there are many people like me who insist on being civil and regulating my emotions/nice.

Unfortunately like many people here I have been subjected to many forms of anger, so no like many here I actually cant see past your emotions anymore.

So now that you are the helpful spokesperson for the OP, what did she want? Understanding? I attempted that only to be dismissed, or is it only a particular response that was desired? More responses like yours? Perhaps that exclusion should have been stated in the thread title, no men, no nice women.

If you can't help but interpret everything I say as angry and that bothers you, there is a very simple solution: don't read my words. I am not speaking for the OP, I simply explained my motivation for posting what I did when I objected to the post about un-prompted offer of CBT therapy. I'm sorry that I don't strike you as "nice" enough to warrant having my words considered fairly. That does not make me feel angry or tired, but sad instead.

Huh? I'm confused, how were you dismissed? I apologize if something I said came across that way, it was not my intent. I appreciate the understanding.

I don't really want anything in particular from other people here, I mean I do relate to some responses more than others, but I didn't post this thread with any particular expectation. I just wanted to get something off my chest.

Yeah, Ive read that 'I feel sad' tactic of yours before too. Not buying.

If you insist on speaking for women as feminist, please refrain from representing women like me that you identified as nice/civil.

I have lower back issues too. I cannot sit with my legs together without it becoming painful.


CBT can only take a person so far. And it's certainly not something that is always necessary. It shouldn't be stigmatized. I've had CBT in several different forms, some more effective than others. But I think it's over-rated and too often leads to blaming the sufferer for their symptoms.

The Nice reference was quite dismissive, no worries.

Sometimes I just want a congenial place to share my perceptions about being a woman in current Western culture with other women purely as an exchange of experience, within that specific context, without receiving unasked-for advice, analysis, being told what I really mean (from someone else's perspective) or being drawn into an unwanted debate, political frameworks or a "whose experience is more valid" ego-driven scenario. It is so refreshing just to be heard, now and then, rather than challenged, because someone else's experience, perceptions, beliefs or ideas are different. (Of course they are different, different people experience things differently, we are not clones).

Dianthus, rightly or wrongly I took your opening post as a desire for that kind of sharing, though it seems increasingly rare to me for that kind of exchange to occur within the current context of WP, which saddens me.

OK? I really don't know what to say to that. If I've upset you, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be uncivil in the way I express myself, and I think my tone is often misinterpreted. Perhaps my thoughts don't translate well into text with people I don't know personally--I don't think I am very good at projecting the tone I intend, but I don't know how to express myself here in text other than how I do. Is it because I swear sometimes, is that what makes me sound angry? Because I swear a lot when I talk too, and that is independent of my emotional state--like, I swear just as much when I'm happy as when I'm sad or angry or anything else because it's just how I talk. Perhaps that is adding to the misinterpretation? I know some people have a hard time with swearing and really don't like it, but it's very habitual for me.

That is a shame.

It shouldn't be used that way. don't actually favour using CBT "therapist", someone can teach you the techniques as an expert practitioner but they aren't your therapist.

I recommend anything by Gillian Butler as she is relatable and her ideas are meant to be adaptable not set in stone. Other can be good, but you do get some weird analogies. I remember one that was something to do with ants, needless to say I was quite confused about what that guy was on about.

I do think that, as I mentioned before, that the type of exercises I stated aren't always useful long term as often you just want to break out of your thoughts. However, it can be useful for assessing if you have entrenched beliefs, that may be interfering with your life. Sometimes a hybrid with techniques like disruption, mindfulness, neuro/biofeedback are a better fit.

Anyway best wishes to all.

Because the list I wrote in the OP was not meant to be taken literally as a set of absolute truths or unquestioned beliefs about anything. There's probably a term for the type of writing style I was using, I can't remember what it is, but it's similar to sarcasm, only without the humor of sarcasm. I think seaweed tried to explain that it was not meant to be taken literally, and I also explained why I chose to use this type of phrasing, which you seem to have overlooked.

I don't want to believe the things that I wrote so far on my list. But in spite of that, I find that I do anyway. I don't agree with them, or want to agree with them, or think that they are absolutely true at all times. I think women and men are equal and have equal rights to space. But beliefs, internalized from experience, run much deeper than thought processes. I wanted to express my deeper internalized beliefs. Some people understood that, others didn't.

What comes across as presumptuous, is you seem to assume that I haven't done any questioning of the ideas I wrote about, or that I might not have any reason to express myself the way I did. Most of us here have some issues with understanding non-literal language, myself included, so I understand if it wasn't clear what I meant. But I think it's much more than that, because you take this kind of stance frequently here.

+1

I'd like to have that kind of sharing, and I was hoping other women might join in here with their own experiences. But all of those other things you mentioned tend to discourage it. For me this is good practice in dealing with it (analysis/criticism/misinterpretations/advice/etc.), but it would be a much better environment here if we had less of it.

There are lots more than that. I've only seen one of them. I went to the one near Cullman once, and the country fried steak was good. The big thing around here are bbq places.

Also, most actual crackers I know don't go out to eat much.

0 equals true, you are monologuing. You're talking about CBT for your own enjoyment, despite no one showing the slightest interest in discussing it.