How do men do it?

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Gosh. Sounds like the odds are unfairly against you at the office.

Dont know what you can do about it.


To answer the question...Ive had similar moments of humilation on the job over the years, but I have never broken down and cried at the workplace. Doesnt mean that i wasnt emotionally upset though. Just waited to get home, and then got upset about it. I am not sure that one gender does it better than another. A lady coworker cried her eyes when she was demoted from a low level superviser back to a worker. But at least she got it out of her system. Was ok the next day.

Joe, so sorry for that presumptuous and grumpy supervisor. My ASD daughter and I both struggle with grumpy (and ignorant or incompetent) people in positions of power or influence. If we are in the position of power or influence, we are inquisitive or comforting to the other person (or at least don't grump at them)... but switch that around and KABOOM.

In regards to your parenthetical observation: In my early 30s, I was in that same part of my cycle and for medical reasons was a few minutes late to a meeting. In fact, I had overextended myself to get there at all. Rather than appreciating my efforts, my boss said sternly "You're late!" and I ran from the room in tears. Fast forward over 15 years later and off-site a boss was judgmental and instead of crying, I cursed at him... loudly. I'd have to look up my cycle, but wouldn't be surprised if that was a contributing factor. I'm told there is middle ground between fight and flight.

That middle ground feels like you are swallowing your pride.. and then doing a slow burn ….
Which then in turn leaves you feeling grumpy . or sad ….

There must be some higher power that you could give all those feelings to ..?

^^ The Leaves on the Stream and similar exercises come to mind. Those exercises are for meditation, to take a thought and place it on a passing leaf. Would that I might do that in those circumstances. It has a lot to do with my feelings of helplessness rather than being self-empowered. One day...

I hate it when I'm about to cry and can't hold back the tears. Even when I try smiling to myself or even laughing it off, I still cry instead. It's like vomiting - very involuntary and hard to repress. I just can't seem to handle being told off. In fact during the covid restrictions in 2020 I was more frightened of being yelled at in a store for accidentally breaking a rule than I was of getting covid. I know it's not personal or anything, but I still can't help getting upset.

Maybe it stems back from when a teacher shouted at me fiercefully in front of the whole class when I was 5, when I hadn't even done anything, the teacher was just accusing me of something. The whole class went quiet, the teacher pointed at me and shouted really loudly, and it was like an ogre coming towards me. I stepped backwards across the classroom, shaking and crying. That memory is still clear in my mind today and being spoken to in a certain tone and feeling humiliated or helpless just fills me with anxiety. A lot of people don't understand, they just say I should "man up", although I don't find that very helpful.

the people who are hard on you have failed a moral test.

As usual, I relate.

It became apparent by 2nd grade (age 6) that my daughter is struggling with this (now 10) --- she doesn't like that she gets "in trouble" with everyone else (or singled out like you said) when she's doing her darndest to behave. Teachers have assured her it's not her, or there is a minor misunderstanding, but ..... we know.

It was exactly that (a COVID rule mishap), that contributed to a recent public meltdown of mine. (Forgive me if I already mentioned it.) I follow all the rules of course, but a customer came in behind me and was kindly told he needed to follow the rule --- he yelled and chose to take his business elsewhere. Apparently I was agitated by this and hadn't sufficiently recovered, b/c when a different store employee grumped at me, I lost it. Hysterical criers are Us. I tried to stop crying, but couldn't. The kind cashier apologized and hustled me out as quickly as possible. I was embarrassed.

Next time after someone yells over my shoulder, I will take a break (e.g. go wash my hands), or when I am crying, I will take the time to do my breathing exercises no matter how ridiculous and inconvenient it is for others. Next time I will accept my being and curtail the embarrassment. My daughter had a meltdown (crying) on the soccer field yesterday. She was embarrassed that she "overreacted" which further fueled the tears. I said that may be an overreaction by others standards but for us it is our reaction. We agreed we'd say we are having a "big reaction" and do what we need to regulate. No shame (or at least less shame).

Crying can be a very good thing , “allowing for emotional relief .” In. What might feel like a impossible situation at the moment .

Got it. My ADHD child has a good dose of inadvertently breaking rules (and literally crossing lines). I think of myself as an absentminded professor.

Well, that is you -- a rare exception to the "rule".

(I have to admit that my wife is also such an exception, but I rarely shed tears in front of her so as not to upset her.)