Is there even a point to living if you're ugly?

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If you didn't find yourself ugly and you still had these problems, what would you find as possible reasons you perceive such disdain from males towards you?


Well, I did in error not respond to the question in the way that did not answer you directly.



Yes.
Now what?

If people responded with NO, what then?


You have a fixation on being wanted sexually. Why?
If you were wanted sexually, would this give you some sense of worth? I understand this reasons this holds value on the more base psychological needs, yet, not looking at this obsession of yours is a fundamentally flawed.

As for having zero friends. This does not address the mentality seen in society, which goes against your conclusions.
Females will want female friends they view as ugly compared to them as this raises them up by creating a selective pool they are the prime choice.

There is a reason people respond with various thoughts on this subject and it's clear your lack of reference to your personality is obviously suspect.

This notion about males and who they would have sex with also is odd. You are not understanding the simplicity to how this can play out. Males will have sex with just about any female possible, given the correct circumstances.

As the person above inquired about age, this did cross my mind. You sound naive or at least have only sampled life from a narrow or limited pool of experience or region.

When you say ugly, I imagine...

Freddie Kruger from Nightmare on Elm Street
The Elephant Man (or Eraserhead's Lady in the Radiator or his baby)
A former Siamese Twin whose dead sister was removed from her face
Leprosy, Cleft Lips, a multitude of huge warts and melanomas
Big lumpy hairy skin cancer tumors, hexadactyly,
GOTHIC ZOMBIES WITH HUGE TATTOOS OF SNAKES IN SKULLS + Marilin Manson

thanks! I have endured people with this attitude laughing and pointing and taunting at the huge slash on my face for 30 years. Don't kid yourself, souls can be 'ugly', too.

Merle

I don't know what I'm looking for but it's definately not any more pity

your on the right track,stop worrieing what other people think and find what intrest you
what is thrown in our face is normal and onething we know is that normal doen't work for us.
I'm well off looks wise and 2 of my girlfriends thought they were too ugly for me and in a room full of girls they were hot to me nomatter who was standing next to them.
if you persue your intrests you will have a better chance in finding that person who is right for you and your beauty will shine brite
and if your lucky he will make you feel beautiful

I'm a big, beautiful woman.

I normally do not say this, you need therapy. You have major self esteem issues. You may look better than you think you do. Also being pretty is not everything. Alot of women have made careers because they are whip-smart, have good self esteem, and are tough when they need to be.

What I am saying is don't sell yourself short because of how you look, and don't devalue yourself either.

Seriously, I really suggest therapy. You don't need someone else to say you are beautiful, you need to tell yourself that and know its true.

join a rock band! rock stars don't have to be particularly attractive (some even sport stage makeup or masks) and they don't always have to be that likable or even that talented. look at some of the successful rock stars...they just go for it! and some end up getting paid quite well. what i'm saying is that there's a niche for everyone. you've just got to find yours. and once you find a calling you enjoy, friends and dates will come naturally. best of luck to you.

I don't believe in souls.

Okay, so you are ugly. So what? The rest of the world is not going to change. Getting angry and demanding others see you the way you want to be seen is not going to make any difference. It would be nice if it would, but it just isn't going to happen.

If there truly is no chance that you can get certain jobs in your area because you are ugly that is a shame, but the only thing that will change your situation is if YOU make the effort. No one is going to do it for you. Maybe this limits your options. But everybody's options are limited in one way or another. Many people continue on and construct good lives for themselves despite their limitations. That's what you need to do.

You write "...if you think beauty doesn't matter or is subjective you obviously don't understand people or yourself all that well." I believe it is you who does not understand people or yourself. Yes, physical beauty IS a factor. But it is not the whole thing. Your experiences might lead you to believe that all the world operates in this way, but it is very likely that it is your behavior to others that causes people to treat you as they do.

So you get mockery and abuse. Maybe no one will ever love you. But it sounds like you are setting up a self fulfilling prophecy. You see yourself as ugly, you've been hurt before, you push people away before they have a chance to hurt you. But when others are pushed away, they may act badly and lash out at you. You may be creating exactly the problem you fear. I have seen many people do this over and over. The only thing that can stop it is if you make an effort to stop it. No one will do it for you.

I suspect your problem is not in how you look, but in how you are approaching your own life. Yes, you may be ugly and that may be a factor in how your life is going, but it isn't the whole thing. Probably the most important factor in your quality of life is what effort you make to live the life you want.

Living takes work. Curling up in a fetal position and whining that your life is terrible does not fix the problem. You need to do something about it.

When you encounter people, smile. Nothing extreme, just a simple smile. Some people will ignore you. Most will think well of you.

Find places where you can volunteer. A church or social club. This will provide situations where you can practice interactions with people and because you are volunteering, they may be less likely to turn you away because of your looks.

Most importantly, make an effort to look for the good in people. This is much harder to do than looking at the bad side of people, but you will find that if you honestly seek out the good in others, you will begin to see more of the good in yourself.

Based on what little information you have provided (you haven't even provided a photograph as proof of your ugliness) and from what I have learned about the mistakes I and others have made, I suspect it is not a physical ugliness that is causing your problems, but a fearful and defensive personality. But you can change how you behave toward people. It doesn't require a plastic surgeon, but it does require a great deal of work on your part, You have to actually make the effort to BE a better person to others.

I might be wrong. You may be a very nice person. But being nicer to others can only improve your life.


Sorry if this is a bit harsh. Reading your posts, it sounds like that is what you need. If I'm wrong, ignore it. But if you read it and it makes you angry, there is probably enough truth in my comments that you should at least consider them.

Good luck,

Lars

if you are pretty then you get unwarranted advances and attention from idiots who are only governed by their gonads.

it is not nice to be pretty because every low thinking person wants to know you and they put on their best behavior for you and they get angry when you do not reciprocate.

honey attracts pests like ants and cockroaches.

Not everyone has a happy life. It's not their fault, it's just the way it all is.

“We can't all be happy, we can't all be rich, we can't all be lucky - and it would be so much less fun if we were ... Some must cry so that others may be able to laugh the more heartily.”

no one must cry for to provide a balance for others to be happy.
what you say is not agreed with by me.
my happiness is unrelated to the fact that some are crying.

there is no sum total of happiness that the lucky ones can live in that must be paid for by those that cry and are sad.

to assert such is evil i think.
i am off to bed so no response is necessary.

Ugliness is not a look, it's a behavior - a personality trait.

There are people in this world who are attracted to every kind of physical appearance you can imagine. I know plenty of people I don't find interesting myself, who are quite happily married.

Marketing is everything. Its all in the presentation. In the 1970s millions of Americans paid actual money for a ROCK in a cardboard box, simply because the box told them the ROCK was a PET.

psychointegrator and others doubting my ugliness- I have female friends. Zero males. I have a normal personality and I behave very nicely. I know males will have sex with anyone but they will treat better those that they want to have sex with in all areas of life. I have experienced this. My more attractive female friends get stuff for free, etc, this has never happened to me ofcourse even though I dress even better than them and wear makeup as well.
I am a VERY nice person. Smiling is not an issue.
I know I'm ugly because in school I have been discriminated against. There was a male teacher and we did the same work with the same errors and the blonde hot chicks got As and I got a C. I get worse grades for less mistakes made and also worse treatment from male teachers. Never had any issues with the female ones, except one who is probably a lesbian.
Actually, I created this topic to focus more on the workplace better treatment of beautiful over ugly women and how much of an advantage they have when it comes to career and other stuff in life, including school. Which they do have a HUGE advantage, if you read any studies and if you understand the world and society at all.

I can't argue that beautiful people often get preferential treatment, I just take issue with the conclusion that your life is worthless.

Perhaps I can make my point a little more clearly.

It seems to me that you are trying to construct an argument for giving up. You ask "Is there even a point to living if you're ugly?" I can't decide that for you. Only you can determine if your life is worth living.

I am sure you are correct in that it is harder for an ugly person to have success in certain situations. And I'm not denying that you are ugly. I'm willing to take your word for it.

The point that I am making is that no matter what the world thinks or does, it is ultimately your choice to either give up or fight. The world will go on doing what it does. You have little or no power over what others do or think. But you have the ability and the responsibility to make your own choices. You can give up and live in frustration and self pity. I'm not going to try to stop you. But you need to recognize that this is a choice that you are making. No one is forcing you to give up.

The alternative is to not allow others to define who you are or what you can achieve. This is the harder choice. It is painful and much of the time you will want to give up. It will always be difficult. But it can get easier with time and experience. What you are facing is indeed a difficult and upsetting situation. I am not denying that what you have to contend with is difficult. But if you face the battle early, you have a chance of surviving it in the long run.

No matter what you do, your life will have pain. If you give up now, you save yourself the pain and effort of fighting, but you will still have the pain and frustration of lost dreams. You don't want that kind of regret. Maybe you will fight your entire life and still never get what you want. Maybe at the end of your life, you will realize you fought, but never won. But at least if you fight, you won't regret it. You may lose, but then again, you may succeed.

It is your choice, but I suggest, that you don't give up.

Lars