grr men

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maybe its not my place to ask this, and if you stated this previously and i missed it then i apologise, but why did he exactly do that, and if you dont know why don't you ask him?

I mean it could be one of near infinite reasons as to why he did it. Maybe for example he was worried for you for some reason.

Gassy

Doesn't matter why; what matters is that he betrayed her trust.

If thats your opinion then thats fair enough

But i disagree.

Maybe he thought she was going to commit suicide?
Maybe he thought she was going to go to buy a gun, go to the nearest shopping centre/school or whatever and shoot a load of people?
Maybe it was an accident?
Maybe it wasn't even him who did it?
Maybe it was a prank gone wrong?
Maybe it was a major communication break down between the two?
Maybe he just plain forgot that she told him to not do it?
Maybe it was a desperate attempt to fix a relationship which he thought was starting to fall apart.

I don't know about you but i feel at least some of these, especially the top few would be valid reasons as to why he would do such a thing.

Anyway I know some of these reasons might be a little far fetched, but my point is I don't think it is write to judge the actions of some one without knowing the reasons as to why they did it.

I mean take the example of somebody killing somebody else (apologies for continuing to use extreme, and dark examples). Do you think its right to label the killer as a cold blooded killer if he did it because it was in self defence when the other guy was shooting a gun at him and trying to kill him?

I personally wouldn't as even though the effect/outcome is the same, the reasoning behind doing it, is not; but maybe thats just me.

EDITED for slight, but important grammer mistake

I would also get some good advice on how to choose passwords. There are relatively easy rules about what makes good and bad passwords. Maybe somebody in the Computers forum here can help. In fact, I'm sure they could give you some good general security tips, as well.

As others have said, I would definitely change all your passwords, for everything. And spend a little time raising your general awareness of computer security.

At the very least, what he did was incredibly immature and thoughtless. At worst, it was criminal, akin to opening your mail. If he doesn't see that, then he's too immature to be good boyfriend material, in my opinion.

If he thought those things, could he simply not ASK her about it? I mean I don't know about you, but I ask my significant other if they're feeling ok, if they are acting a little weird. Based on what the OP stated, he seems paranoid. And he still betrayed her trust. Not the best base for a relationship.

First I have to say i'm not and never been in a particular serious relationship so you're welcome to discredit my opinion if you so wish

But yes i agree with you, without sufficient communication and talking to them like that, as well as trust (which i forgot to mention in my earlier post and i apologise for that) then it is very difficult to maintain a relationship with somebody else.

But who is to say from the guys perspective he feels he has communicated enough, but maybe the the OP (rightly or wrongly) has not noticed it?
I know its a slightly different situation and relationship but I could give you an example of something similar between me and my parents, and my AS brother. My brother has been going through some tough times and is believed to be suffering from bad depression, and has told us that he has been seriously contemplating commiting suicide recently. As a result I have been told that I shouldn't let him be left alone for any extended period of time. He felt we had gone over the top in looking after him and became frustrated and upset as a result, as he didn't instinctively realise the reason why we didn't want him left on his own.
However, once we told him afterwards that we didn't want him to kill himself he understood why we didn't want him to be left alone and he accepted the reason.

This isn't to say that this sort of thing is happening to the OP, but I feel that if you cant listen to the reasoning as to why somebody does something, and dont feel you can trust their reasoning, then no relationship can really work.

In my honest opinion, if I was the OP I would first identify how commited i am to continue the relationship. I would then ask why the other person did it. If I felt it was a valid reason, and i believed they were telling the truth, and I wanted to attempt to maintain the relationship then i would stick with it.
However if I didn't believe it was a good reason; or I didn't trust they were telling the truth; or I (or the other person) didn't want to continue the relationship, then I'd get out of it asap.

Regards
Gassy

This kind of behavior is a serious red flag. Not only does it show he has little to no respect for you and your privacy, it shows an utter disregard for your feelings. He betrayed your trust and violated you in a way. To me, this screams of the potential for future emotional abuse...it reminds me of how the emotional abuse in my first long-term relationship started. Do not let him make you feel as though you are upset over "nothing;" this kind of invasion and violation is not "nothing!" Kick this rotten boy to the curb, but don't let his disrespectful behavior deter you. There are lots of wonderful guys out there who won't do this to you!(BTW, who cares about his "reasons" -- you said "no" and he did it anyway. That's just wrong.)

To the original poster ... it's now been about a month since your post. Do you feel like sharing the status of the situation now?

One of the best ways to find out about a person's character is to observe them after they've f*ucked up really bad, like this guy did. How do they react to being caught? Do they own up to it and take responsibility for it? Or do they make excuses and try to weasel their way out of it?

And even if they apologize, observe what it is they apologize for. If they say something like "I'm sorry you got upset," that's not an apology at all. Do you see what I mean? They're not expressing contrition for what they did, they're laying it on you. They're saying that there's only a problem because you got upset, not because of what they did. That's not taking responsibility for what they did. The only thing they're sorry for is getting caught.

Speaking for myself, I could probably forgive something like this, IF IF IF IF I was convinced that he truly understood why it was so wrong and he stepped up like a man and accepted responsibility for it.

If, on the other hand, he doesn't own up to it and tries to weasel out of it like a whiny little boy, that tells you volumes about his character. It tells you that not only can he not be trusted, he's a spineless coward.

...Since no one's mentioned the guy's potential perspective, I feel it should be mentioned.

So... This is a facebook account that you let others see... But not your boyfriend? Akin to a diary that you let others see.... But specifically not your boyfriend. A place where you vent your private thoughts about various things, a place where you let people see your 'dirty laundry'.... But not your boyfriend.

That he betrayed your trust is a sin, without doubt. But I definitely understand why he got bent out of shape about it. This may never have happened if you hadn't been talking about him to others behind his back(per his logical assumption via the existence of this account and his pointed exclusion from it).

What a crappy thing to do to a person. He's not the only one to take actions that kill trust. You are not the 'good guy' here, and you hardly deserve revenge.

Sound, the OP didn't state that she added other people as friends either. For all you know, it was just like a diary.

I think the OP is perfectly entitled to have her own space to talk, even if it does involve other people. By your argument, this guy would have been entitled to start tapping her phone calls.

Seems you're skipping over some things I've typed in the prior post, such acknowledgment that what he did was wrong. Please re-read my post, and then rethink what you imagine I am arguing. Ugh.

I am simply stating the fact that her actions would easily provoke a very strong feeling of insecurity. This should have been foreseeable.

Somewhat similarly, imagine you start hurling insults at a person who's right in front of you. The possibility that they would become unhappy and lash out would certainly pop into your mind. The fact that they did lash out would make them lame and bad, clearly in-the-wrong.
But you most certainly are not the good guy either. You provoked the person! Should they have allowed themselves to be provoked? No, and the buck stops there. But that doesn't erase your role in the chain of events.
I'm talking about taking responsibility for one's actions, as opposed to this 'plausible deniability' crap, where she's nothing but the victim.

...But on the other hand, if indeed no one is invited into that Facebook account, and he knew it, then that's entirely different. In that case, she'd have done nothing wrong, and my posts here are not-relevant, and incorrect.
... But in that case, why put it on Facebook? It's a social networking site. For communication. My assumption is not exactly the biggest logical leap one could make.

i love the title "grrrr men"

Sounds like a selfish arse.

I agree with Sound. To the point where there appears to be nothing more to add. Though he shouldn't have hacked the account, having a, at least for him, secret facebook page, would be enough reason for him to dump you.

Personal opinion, both sides are being unreasonable. There is a need for privacy, and a forum to discuss things away from one's SO - absolutely, no argument. His violation of that shows a lack of trust, and a lack of trustworthiness. The decision to form that area for discussion in such a public and shared place as Facebook (which is known for privacy issues and is a social networking site not a private blog provider) wasn't the best. That does not justify his behavior, but does create an antagonistic situation that does not take into account the feelings or needs of one's partner. It is a matter of communication and expectation, and I think both parties were lacking here.


M.

MALE POV
i have to defend the guy. i got on my gf's case for doing something similar.
from a guys point of view, you could have been doing anything with you second fb account. jelousy is a very powerful thing, also secrets tend to hurt relationships. in his mind more than likely the thought of you cheating was there, so he hacked it. fb is one of the easier sites to hack. also it could have been other things, but guys get jelouse as easy as chics do, its something that most dont realize, atleast it what i have seen.
in short dont be so hard on him and be honest with him. if he has a habbit you dont like, bring it to his attention.