Chivalry is stupid

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I'd like 2 cheeseburgers, shrimp, cocktail sauce and 5 buffalo wings. Make it snappy.

Yeah I just see it as common courtesy and try not to be too offended by it - although yeah sometimes it does bug me. My other half knows better than to ask me if he can carry my bags because I'm not some pathetic weakling. I've been in the situation where I've been helping carry crates of beer and the blokes have said "oh I'll take that" or "are you alright with those?" which kind of irritates me as it implies I'm physically weaker than they are which to me is very insulting, but I'll just reply "no, I'm fine I can manage" and try not to get offended. If someone buys me a drink then I just consider it as a round and buy them one back, and if I get to the door before someone else then I'll hold it open for them.

I don't see the chivalrous men as the enemy, the real problem is the girls that accept this as the norm and expect men to carry their bags and will have drinks and dinner bought for them all night without ever putting their hand in their pocket, and this gives men the impression that we are all like that.

I find displays of chivalry very unpleasant, it makes me nervous over what people expect in return. Even though I've never asked for the favor. To my mind chivalry is this; man does thing I never asked for or even needed = man thinks he's being kind = man thinks I should be nice to him in return even though I've never given him any impression that I like him. Chivalry is the horrible social deal of random men doing tasks nobody needs done in exchange for thinking I'm a b***h if I don't like them instead of just a random girl who has no reason to have an opinion of them.

I've also found that guys who think chivalry is somehow necessary or demanded of them is really problematic to date. Because at first they offer, nay insist, on paying for dates. And then somewhere along the way they find out that they can't keep this up economically. That hurts their pride so they either 1) get really passive-aggressive and defensive or 2) shy and don't know how to handle it or even 3) angry and claim it's your turn to pay him back. And it's just so unnecessary because I've offered to pay all along... though of course being told I'm in his debt after a long period of time of him giving away stuff (that I offered to pay equally) is just creepy, manipulative, and unacceptable.

(ps. none of that I said refers to acts of kindness given to both genders)

If a chivalrous man keeps up all these chivalrous acts in front of a woman only to later complain about what he has to put up with to his friends (or sometimes strangers on the internet), he is also part of the problem.

And if a man assumes all women are so-and-so based on the three women he's ever dated, he also is still part of the problem.

Yeah, menintights is right. While I appreciate someone holding the door open for me, I don't expect it of them. Nor do I expect men to buy me drinks (unless I bought them one first ) or make me their queen. It's ridiculous :/

This. I think that chivalry in itself isn't a problem, though. Sometimes I'd like to be treated like a lady and have a door opened for me. But I don't expect it, and if it doesn't happen, oh well. Not a big deal.

With the exception of the sexist comment, I'm pleasantly surprised by the outcome of this thread.

I would love a man to do romantic things. I dont know about opening doors, that is only an issue if I have a lot of stuff in my hands. but if a man did nice things for me I would return them and make it worth his while.

Doing nice things =/= romantic.

I hate romantic stuff for the most part. It makes me uncomfortable. I'm so glad my husband isn't a romantic.

That's just you. Doing certain nice things can be very romantic, and I love the rare occasion my boyfriend does that for me. I do the same for him though so.. still not sexist. I hope.

Doing nice things for your significant other is not classified as romantic. Romantic is when you have a candle lit dinner and watch a sunset while you say stupid s**t like "We'll be together forever" and "I just want to fall into you"

GAG ME

^ As I said in a thread of mine, there are some people who dislike or are uncomfortable with that stuff. I personally love it, but my boyfriend is uncomfortable with it. I think it is a matter of temperament. He is a Thinker in the MBTI, which makes him matter of fact and logical, and I am a Feeler, also an Idealist too...

OMG! That kind of talk makes me want to vomit.

Romanticism does not need to be disgustingly sweet like that. When my boyfriend is away on a trip for a few weeks, and he buys me a book that he saw that I would love, that's being romantic. There are many definitions and ways to be romantic. You just don't like that particular way.

Other examples:
On father's day, I made him a card that was "written" by our ferrets. We don't have children, but he considers the ferrets his babies.
When I'm away for a trip, I get a "welcome home mommy!" sign when I get home.
I get a random text in the middle of the day from him, saying he loves me.

Awwww, I like all that romantic mush. It would make me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. ^_^

Personally, I love romance and good manners.