the letter I've been dreading for 15 years, it's here...

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I'm not going to lie: pap smears aren't any fun. I have a form of vulvodynia, and getting a pap smear hurts.

But ... pap smears aren't the worst. Getting a vaginal ultrasound where they stick a machine the shape of a cucumber up there is about 100x worse than a pap smear ever could be. So for those who are anti-pap smears ... DON'T ever get a vaginal ultrasound.

As long as you're still a virgin, refuse a pap smear. They can't force you to have one if you haven't had sex. I was given one before only because I had weird symptoms going on and they wanted to rule everything out by testing; I didn't realize at the time that a virgin getting a pap smear was pretty much useless. I won't get a pap again until I'm no longer a virgin. But if you aren't a virgin, you should get one ASAP.

PS: In the link, it says people living in the Northern half of the UK have a higher risk of HPV. That seems like a weird fact to put in there, at least to me. I'm from America, so could someone explain that?

I've never gone for one because if I made an appointment, I would have to have my mom drive me and if I suddenly asked for one, she will ask if I had sex and if I tell her that I did, she'll get really mad at me and disown me forever. So it's either 1) get checked for possibly life threatening diseases or 2) Be ostracized from my family forever. If I was financially capable of living on my own, I would. D:

I have NO idea, I think that is another NHS 'statistic' designed to create fear among a certain group. It is probably because GP's in the Northern half of my country are more strapped for cash and need the bonuses more, that wouldn't supprise me. GP's here are hungry for any extra cash they can get their greedy paws on, even if it means instilling the fear of cancer into their patients! This is why anti depressants are forced on people here for pretty much everything, because GPs get a cash bonus for prescribing them.

Then on the flipside, a lot of the more common cancers are passed off as 'nothing to worry about' until it is too late.

Ok this is really getting to me now, not because of any of the stuff I've read about it, if I felt strongly about something I wouldn't go by what others had told me, I would find out for myself by doing it.

This is starting slowly to chip away at me, I have a thing about getting bad news in letters, which I honestly think was fueled by this over the years, and I know you have to wait like 4 weeks for the results of this procedure too, which you don't get from your doctor, you get by letter, in cold, non understandable medical terms. I am also a old school hypocondriac, so I cannot imagine the time I would have in the weeks waiting for the results to arrive, I probably wouldn't leave the house until the post had been each day for fear of spending the entire day worrying about the letter being there when I got home telling me I WAS GOING TO DIE, and I would freak at so much as having period pain, cooking up allsorts of ideas that something was going to grow inside me or whatever. Don't forget my husband would have to bear witness to this, and the resulting bad moods & angry outbursts these things tend to make me have.
It would be on the same level as someone waiting for the results of an HIV test, but unlike them, I wouldn't be offered any support, because this kind of thing is considered 'very childish' on the NHS.

Don't forget every time they throw the word cancer at me I think of my dad laying there in his bed turning yellow & wasting away, I might have only been 5 at the time, but it brings that back. I feel in a way I owe it to him to have this stupid test, but I also owe it to my husband and other people close to me not to subject them to another drastic change in my moods & personality.
I find it so hard to understand myself where the fear is coming from, nothing else bothers me, I own rats, let insects creep around on my hands in the garden, I love most things that would gross most people out lol. This is irrational I know, but it's coming from somewhere and it's starting to bother me where it's coming from.

Sorry to go on, but it feels like all my worst fears came in one stupid envelope. I guess when I have my next bout of PMS I will land up hysterical about it as soon as my poor husband is at work. This sort of thing will eat me slowly, over the months as the letters pile up, because I won't tell anyone. I feel there is a huge shame in even discussing this, it's like telling someone 'hey, they want to rape me with a metal duck bill'.

Knowing my luck I'd be one of the millions of women to get a false positive, which happens a lot as the NHS don't want to be sued for missing something, then you have to go and have the non existant cells electrocuted off your perfectly healthy cervix. I simply could not do that, not concious anyway. I already have a miriad of period problems, hell knows, fishing around in there might make these worse. I think I have PMDD, but nobody believes me, I know I have a mountainous level of pain each month too, which is 'perfectly normal' etc etc.

I am NOT like this in 99% of my real life, I can stand up for myself, I'm not a scared person at all, I just have this issue with anything medical.

I agree with the nice doctor thing, if you can find a nice, gentle, understanding doctor it might make the difference.

the getting drunk thing, I have actually considered that myself on occasion...

If you have to have it done, you could ask for the smaller size, they have different sizes.

I would do, but we don't have a choice of who we see, it can be anyone, and I might even be sent to the same place people who don't want to use a condom and have about 13 STIs are sent, lol. Those places are certainly NOT known for being very understanding!

They even decide the day and time, there is very little choice in it at all.

Last night I had another dream about it, which I haven't had since I was a kid and found out it wasn't until 25. I was dressed up like Princess Leia from starwars, being chased by people who wanted to throw me out of the universe through a wormhole because I was a dirty b***h for not having it!! I suppose that was quite amusing

I have this thing now where I',m worrying about worrying about it, it's got to that point. I'm wondering how I will be able to shut it out and enjoy my birthday with it looming over me that the letter says 'due ON or around the 25th of february' with the 25th being my birthday I will probably just be playing those words around in my head all the time by then. I mean the cheek of it, you can tell how sensitive they are by saying that, they could have said 'due after the 25th of February' but they even think they're in with a chance of getting me to do it ON my frigging birthday. There is zero tact in that letter, so I imagine if I did go for it I would be met with the same cold people.

The north of England is generally less affluent than the South. Also, the weather's crap and there's not a lot else for young people to do.

(I'm stereotyping a bit here, but I grew up in a small English town before I moved to Oz and this is the pattern I personally came across)

I live right in the middle

I do think it can depend on how well of an area is, the North is highly populated too. I expect the rates of HPV are higher up there because less well off folk are perhaps less well educated about sexual issues? I don't know, I also think if an area is more improvished than another, then the NHS services are probable less well funded than they are in the south, so grabbing handouts for pestering women to have invasive pelvic examinations is just a way to get more money.

But I also expect that in a concentrated population, such as London, the HPV rates are also very high. Statisticaly, each poorer area should have high rates of HPV & other STDs if this is true.

This is factually untrue.
I caught HPV my first time having sex.
With a condom.
With a man who had no signs of an STD.
HPV is a virus. It's spread skin-to-skin.
Conceivably, unless the man you had sex with was tested for the virus DIRECTLY before you slept with him,
EVERY woman who has been sexually active is at risk.

I realize that a pap smear poses significant psychological stress for you,
but I'd think that nothing compared to that of cancer.

I'm not sure to be honest, once I had it, that would be as good as telling me I've got cancer until got the results, that's a whole month of not sleeping, causing problems for everyone around me, possibly even damaging my relationship, for what? I've got just as much chance of going out tomorrow and being hit by a bus.

This sort of thing happens if you mess with the NHS... http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healt ... rules.html

No, that's what the pap smear is FOR- to look for abnormal cells.

Yes I know, but the bit people aren't getting is I am a hypocondriac, who was at one time completely obsessed with thinking I had HIV & allsorts. The time waiting for the results would be unbearable for me, and unbearable for everyone around be, as I would act as IF I had it..

I can certainly empathize with this.

During some of my more paranoid periods, I was convinced I had HIV,
and had so many tests done, it's a wonder the health clinic didn't tell me to buzz off.

Hi Ladies.
I used to be worried about having a cervical smear. Like really worried. (sorry not very good at describing feelings)

I had no idea what was involved or how long it would take or anything. After doing it a few times I can honestly say I don't find it a big deal anymore.

What I would recommend is
1. getting hold of a vaginal dilator (the beaky thing that is used during a smear test) or something like it. Practise at home! Warm it gently in some water, and put some lube on it (which is what they do at the doctor's) and have a play.

2. find a nurse who specialises in smear tests. In New Zealand at least, smears are being done by specialist nurses who are very experienced and no bother at all.

If it is going to be a problem with bureaucracy to avoid smear tests, you can develop your confidence. That leaves you being the one in control of the situation.
good luck!

Have you tried a women's clinic? There is one called Well Woman in London and there may be other women's clinics. You might have to pay but it could be a better experience, especially if you explain beforehand that you are really nervous.