Obsessed with "not offending anyone" - anyone else

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Thanks everyone for your replies

As for it not being an aspie trait and being more of a bipolar trait, tha'ts not quite how I see it...

For me I get very confused about people's reactions towards me. And it's not like if you are an aspie you are a cold-hearted b*** and don't care about anyone else. I hate the idea of someone being angry at me - in particular, if it is not deserved. I hate conflict, I hate people disliking me - it causes hassles at work or whever else. And I hate the idea of someone being hurt because I said something wrong. It doesn't make me feel nice to hurt someone.

I get confused about interactions, so I just over apologise and over explain myself in order to save any negative future incidents. I also get scared that they will think I am "weird" by something I said or did, so I will again, apologise and try to explain, which in turn makes me seem even MORE weird lol

Liz

hell yeah! (sorry for using a swear word)

I do this all the time. It's gotten to be so exhausting that I'm starting to care less and less about what people think since most of them are complete idiots, but the habit is really hard to break

I rarely set out to offend someone.

I follow common courtesies like not cursing in front of people that don't like it, not telling racist/sexist... and all around tasteless jokes to people I know can't appreciate it and I don't name call when I know the person can't handle it.

However, I don't worry about whether I will offend someone if I do not know what they find offensive. If they do not like what I have to say, then they can deal with it.

Why would you think you offended me?

Yep... well-known issue for me. 'They' are trying to teach me, that it's impossible to avoid unintentionally offending people, since everybody has his/her own quirks, past etc. .. so in those cases it's more a case of 'their sensitivity' instead of 'your rudeness'. I guess in this sense it can definitely be part of ASD.

My concern regarding offending people does cause significant anxiety. In social situations I hold my breath without realising and feel physically sick although I do not demonstrate this, as I have inquired about it.
My current tactic for dealing with ‘offence avoidance’ is either not to speak at all or to speak very quietly. I realize that some individuals simply choose to be offended because they desire confrontation.

I would like not to offend people, but it seems to be an impossible task sometimes. Why can't people take what I say at face value instead of interpreting it? People will interpret what I say in a way that is beyond my wildest imagination. I sometimes try to think of how to phrase something so it will not be misinterpreted, but it seems hopeless.

I've also had people tell me to quit apologizing, and I'm careful about what I put in an e-mail.

I didn't see anyone mention this, so sorry if it's a repeat, but girls are socialized to think that way. While I'm certainly not empathic, I do care about how people feel. I consider myself pretty sympathetic when someone talks to me about how they are feeling. I do make an effort (not always successful) not to offend people. While in general, the socialization of girls to be "nice" and not offend anyone annoys me, for female aspies it could be beneficial in a way. I never thought about this before, but maybe all that socialization enables us to learn, younger, to be more open to caring about others feelings. Boys are socialized to bury their emotions; I think that doing so would make it doubly hard to learn to be empathic. My husband scoffs are the "unemotional" aspie stereotype; I tend to be very emotional! Certainly there is nothing wrong with being nice and trying not to offend people...but IMO if someone offends you, you have every right to say what you think right back, even if it offends them!

Of course, neither my parents nor my school encouraged the idea of the meek, quiet, nice girl. I'm pretty opinionated and not afraid to share my opinions and why I hold them. Whatever; I'm smart and I'm not afraid of my intelligence. Some people find this offensive. A lot of people find this "masculine," and therefore offensive in a woman. (I have a feeling people think I'm going to be a delicate flower, and when I'm not it irritates them.) I think it's possible to be nice and outspoken, so that's what I try for.

I apologize for and ask to use/do/try stuff all the time, someone once asked a friend of mine if she could smack me because I "ask too much".