Lose your temper when people change plans?

Post Reply New Topic

I find myself being very irritated when I'm disturbed with questions while I'm doing something as ordinary as reading a webpage. My girlfriend used to sit at the desk next to me, and would ask questions ALL the time ! ! I could get so angry because of that ! And I know it's not a normal reaction.. anyone I know would just be happy to answer the question

This ! I was meeting this new girl who wanted to all kinds of trips with me. We arranged to go to the coast for a day 'next week' sicne she wanted that so badly. Well, next week Monday, I didn't hear from her and I sent her a mail to ask. She replied: "I'm going to coast tomorrow with my New Friends by train in the morning. You can also come if you want."

Maybe normal people would also think this was a bit of an odd arrangement but for me.. I went berserk over it ! She ditched me !
It took me a WEEK to recover from the hurt and madness. I sent her a VERY polite but VERY angry mail because she needed to know that is not the way to treat me. I wanted her out of my life since she could hurt me so bad; Now I'm seeing her again for the first time next week but I am SO paranoid

hmmm its weird how one can be convinced that they dont have x symptom and then after reading through some other individuals' experience of said symptom you suddenly realise..."oh wait I do have that".

So it is with this. I hate it when people text at the last minute to say oh I cant make it. I take it as a sign of rejection/that in the hierarchy of priorities im way way down. However im constantly changing plans and being late but thats mainly because leaving the house is a BIG deal for me. Combination of social anxiety and not being able to deal with the change in environment.

Yes, I do this too. The others never understand how I can freak out about things like this because they didn´t know my plan. But even if I try to explain it they find it kind of stupid.

But


So I accept the change after being irritated for a while. But it´s better for me to tell me tings at least about two days before something happens. Of course that´s not always possible and I try to cope better with changes but it´s really hard for me. I don´t like sudden changes. It´s easier if the change makes sense to me. But if I think the change is rather stupid I can be frustrated and irritated for a long time.

YES however I've learned recently if an event is to occur, create a window of time rather than 6:00....it's 6:00-6:45. Imagine a time frame in your head so you don't get disappointed.

Plans for fun? Someone else is planning something? Oh crap, have to prepare myself for the what could happen, how to react, how to cope OH s**t This is a lot of work! MELTDOWN when it happens because they decided to throw in a new plan.

I've learned by not planning out detail by detail everything and thinking about how to cope, how to do this, what to say if this is said there is a minimal feeling of letdown or meltdown.

Don't allow others to tell you what is in store. They know damned well it's not going to happen that way and our brains will not be happy when it's not. Also on top of that, you're thinking about the time and how to put all those events into that time frame. It's too much mutli-tasking on the inside.

Next time, something is to happen...do not overthink it. Do not ask for more elaborate details. Especially if it's a fun event. Do not plan for what is to come and bog down your mind with how to cope and respond. You are setting yourself up as well as others who go over "plans". You'll have a bad time and others around you will not understand why.

it is annoying.

Hate it, and I mean hate it! Probably the main reason why I lose my temper round the house on occasion!

Yeahh. It's such a terrible reaction sometimes, too. The contents in my stomach feel like they are boiling and I bark some snide comment at the person making the changes and end up hurting their feelings. My husband and I had a small argument due to this last night actually.

A lot of it is a self-control issue as well. While the feelings may still manifest, I do my best to control my actions and my comments. It is hard when caught off-guard, but we have to remember that life happens.

I find some people are so bad at it I just tell them DON'T make plans with me, just tell me you are going to show up randomly

I have had to be extremely explicit with the people I know that I NEED total honesty, even then they don't understand that they need to know how to read a stupid clock, I mean heck everyone even has digital ones nowadays on their phones so no one even has an excuse for being late, they even have apps for setting alarms - why can't they be on time?!

I am early everywhere!

I've never been a fan of changed plans and I think it's because of how literal and organized I am. If I say that I'm going to be somewhere at a certain time then I will be and I think it's only fair for someone to extend the same courtesy to me.

I used to have tantrums about this as a child but now I just get irritated.

Yes. It can cause a lot of problems for me. If people are even slightly late - say five minutes - it can send me into a full-blown autistic meltdown. With my partner or a family member, I often end up in tears and having to do something to deal with my frustration - usually ripping paper or punching a pillow. With others, I feel far too uncomfortable to cry openly, so generally just end up escaping at the earliest possible opportunity to somewhere like a toilet cubicle so I can melt down in private.

My "tendencies" mystify a lot of people around me, even some other aspies I've met. They just don't understand why a slight change to plan generates this huge emotional reaction. For me, it just feels like being thrown into chaos - like the structure and predictability I need to order my life has been completely torn from under my feet. The biggest frustration is that most changes don't even seem to be necessary - they usually don't happen because of emergency situations, which are fair enough even though they're still as difficult for me as any other change to plan, but because the other person "feels" like doing things at a different time or place from what they originally planned.

I was having this problem just yesterday. I know someone I want to remain friends with, who lives up in Vermont and has offered to let me visit. I was very proud of myself because I finally contacted her and said, hey, here is a weekend I could visit. This is a Big Deal for me; it means I sat down, decided it's okay to spend the money and the leave time, picked out the dates, and accepted that I'm going to go check out somewhere I've never been before and accept not knowing exactly what will be expected from me once I'm there.

Then she said, well, two days' visit (the weekend) for two days' travel (the train up and down) doesn't sound very restful. How about staying three or four days? And I panicked and told her I needed to think about it for a few more days, and now feel resentful of her and ashamed of myself and uncertain which plan (two days or more) is the 'best' plan. When. Honestly, they're just two different plans. Probably either is fine.

Really really frustrating! This is also part of how I sabotaged my marriage. I kept asking my spouse for her plans for the future and she always responded with "I don't make plans!" which drove me up a wall and sabotaged my trust in her and my faith in my own ability to deal with uncertainty. Probably not the best spouse for a possible-Asperger's-haver to choose

I don't handle uncertainty, unreliability, and last-minute changes well at all. Even change that I know is coming is difficult, transitions are a problem.
I pace myself throughout the day, week, month, on many levels-trying to keep things balanced & predictable enough.
Changes, esp. with no forewarning, throw me off completely. Messes up my routines (not rituals, but routines), destabilizes me.
People who are late, who cancel just before we were going to get together, or worst of all, fail to appear but don't even call to say so-make me very snarly & cross.