Question for female aspies in relationships

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Can relate to your entire post. I don't really associate sex with love and affection, but my partner does. I don't really need sex at all - a few times a year seems to be enough, but it just doesn't cut it for my partner. Its the main problem we have in the relationship.

I have a high libido, I need it a couple of times a week at least...

I don't, and don't intend to. (Asexual.)
I do worry peripherally about him "seeking sex" elsewhere,
but it's all in my head- I know he loves me.

I agree, I don't overload at all with sexual touching, as long as it's not too tickly or gentle, I don't get further than the first time with men who aren't fairly "heavy handed" in the bedroom. But I get so resentful that even after explaining fully how non-sexual affectionate touching makes me feel (claustrophobic, angry, distressed, confused and scrambled) some men keep on doing it - that it ends up that I can't stand them to be near me at all and it takes me a while to end things because I don't know how to handle it.

I always explain fully now before anything goes to the sexual stage, that I am an extremely non-tactile person and that if the man needs that then he should go on by - I've found a lot of men lie about thier need for touching because they really want the relationship, and I believe that they think that eventually I will come to enjoy it, even when I've told them straight out that it's hardwired, non-fixable and permanent.

I don't get why they're suprised when I call it all off after a few weeks of constant touching and demands for physical attention ! :/

Me, too. Too bad I have no partner!

Interesting thread! I was married for 17 years and during that time, our sex frequency varied quite a bit. It went in cycles, and I was never totally sure what the cycles depended on, other than our general feeling of closeness with each other. If things were going well in other areas, then we had more sex, and better sex.

After the kids were born, our sex life went to hell for a couple of years, but it did come back. Eventually, I think we were having just as much sex in our 12th or 13th year as in our first.

The only thing he ever expressed dissatisfaction with was that I didn't initiate, and it was true ... in the early years I didn't. I eventually learned to initiate more, and I found that I liked it ... in fact, that's one of the things I miss now, cause there's no way I'll initiate sex with casual dates.

Now that I'm single and middle-aged, my desire for sex still goes in cycles, and I find there are times when I don't get as much as I would like. I went through a period after my divorce where I let men pick me up just for sex, but thankfully that phase wore off pretty quickly. At the other extreme, I don't especially want to get involved in a "serious" relationship again either, so I'm kinda mulling over the whole "friends with benefits" thing. Having a man in my bed sounds delicious, but I want to send him home at the end of the evening.

What I don't want is for one of us to develop stronger feelings than the other. I'll have to think about this some more.

I'm kind of in this holding-pattern, too (except that I always want sex; always have, probably always will). I won't sleep with people casually, though. They can stay the night (if my children aren't with me), and they have to be good conversationalists, too.

Oh, and their plumbing has to work.

Married for 3 yrs, together for 7, 2 kids, he is NT.

2-3 times a week, try not to go without for more than a week. We have low stress and about the same drive. He initiates. I am and always will be awkward initiating.

Both of us probably have some degree of AS (undiagnosed). We've been together nearly 11 years, married nearly six. We have two young children.

He's very tactile, with a high sex drive. I used to be moderately tactile, I guess, with a moderate sex drive. Since having babies, however, my tactile needs are already met (by them), and I have almost zero sex drive. We went from 3-5x/week pre-kids to a few times per month post-kids to nothing right now, because our marriage has gone to hell (not just because of the sex).

I have no problem with initiating when needed. But when your sex drive is perpetually low, and the other person's is always high, it's rarely needed. Actually, I guess I have initiated in the sense that I have often had to provide the opportunity (i.e. get back up after nursing baby to sleep), and I hated it. I was pressured into it. That's not the same as initiating because I want to. And I know he'll want it if I initiate, 99.9% of the time!

Sometimes daily...a few days in a row...sometimes it's weeks. He has complained that I never initiate....hmmm...I have tried to work on that sometimes. Not really initiating, but just saying some things early in the day...that seems to be good enough. I do worry sometimes, yet I also know that he has to love me for me...and I think that he mostly does, although he doesn't always do a very good job understanding my ASPIE tendencies...

1-3 times a week, though only because my boyfriend and I don't live together. With both of our libidos we'd likely be going at it every night if we lived together. We're about equal for libido, though he is usually the one to initiate anything. Surprisingly, I don't have any sensory issues with sex itself, though I do with some non-sexual contact (setting a hand on the back of my neck when hugging; really gentle, light touches anywhere, in any context). As with anything else, it is the little things that bug me, not the big stuff.

This! People have told me it's confusing to them how I can like more full-on touching, but not the cutesy stuff, and I can sort of understand that. Still, I've found I can get used to my boyfriend's tactile nature. I still have to shake him off or pull away if something becomes too intense for me, but I can stand it for much longer than I used to. He still doesn't always understand that I need some stimulation-free time sometimes, but he doesn't see it as a personal attack anymore, at least...

I'm still glad whenever he initiates sex, though. Having to do it myself still feels a bit awkward and forward.

I have a high sex drive and reading these posts I mean HIGH Me HFA, partner HFA - but he thinks women don't like 'it' and it's 'disrespectful' cos he was slapped down in earlier relationships. How do I convince him not? Aaaarrrrgh

Does that mean you don't want sex? What sort of sex drive does he have? If it's anything other than extremely low I'd worry.

Um...I haven't had sex or foreplay yet with my current bf. We've only been dating for a month so we still have time.

my partner and i are having a difficult time. he wants to have sex twice a day. i like sex but not that much! I would be happy with twice a week.

also tell him over and over again not to touch me lightly but he continues. if he just touches me firmly i can get turned on and be OK. but he won't stop touching me lightly!

i think he believes it is more loving to touch lightly. this drives me insane. surely what is most loving toward ME is to do what I WANT???? ! !! !! !

he's a lovely man in all other ways, so i don't understand this.