more vulnerable to sexual assault/abuse than NT females?

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My first boyfriend, when I was 16. Well, let me start off saying that I wasn't really interested in him, but I felt like I should have a boyfriend becaue that's what girls my age did and I was already such a freak. So I went out with him when he asked me, even though I thought he was stupid. Anyway, he manipulated me into having sex. I told him I didn't want to and he told me I had to b/c I had been a tease and you can't go back once you've done x, y, or z. And since I didn't know any better, and I KNEW that I didn't know and didn't understand "unspoken social rules" I figured I had messed up somewhere and now I had to do it. So essentially, I was raped, because I said no, I don't want to, and I definitely did not enjoy it, but I didn't physically resist. as*hole. I broke up with him immediately after, of course. No way was I doing that with him again.

i will not go off on a tangent of long-winding stories, but i can say that it is definatly a disadvantage for people with AS or other neurological disabilities, over NTs in this arena.
I know this from previous experiences. A 'weird' girl is seen as an easy target. she obviously suffers from low self-esteem and other social disfunctions, therefore making it all the more easy for men to 'get to her'.

i've been in some pretty horrific situations before. (enough times to know)
people claiming to be interested in me for 'romantic' reasons.
hook, line, sinker. i ate the bait.

i would say this was especially a problem when i was young.
i was so very naive to people, to relationships, and intentions.
as i've gotten older (hopefully wiser)
i tend to have better foresight.

when guys take interest in me, i question thier motives.
when people all of a sudden start popping up randomly into my life out of nowhere,
i take notice.

i don't give out trust or permission to myself as easily as i had in my youth.

i'd like to say it gets easier, but truthfully it doesn't.
the hurdles are lifelong. there is no debate in that.

the best i can do now is work on prevention.
to not allow manipulation from others destroy my ego.

i hope for ALL teen girls to take care, and be aware of themselves. mind/body.

Aye.

But what is it, if someone goes too far because you were unable to tell them no?

I never understood how a woman... any woman, Aspergers or no... could be so naive or trusting. Observation reveals that one should be anything but... as does having even an elementary knowledge of statistics or evolutionary theory.

It happens when they're either afraid they'll loose the person, feel exceptionally awkward about the encounter and don't know where the boundaries are or have very low self esteem.

It still involves a base lack of understanding about the world that boggles the mind. I'm absolutely astounded at how any woman could live much past 18 and not have developed somewhat of a seige mentality in this area.

I've known too many women that let themselves be used to punish themselves...

I want to help that sort of situation but it definately isn't something you can change in a person, they can either learn to love and respect themself in some way, or never at all.

As a male (I know I shouldn't post here) I doubt I can fully understand this topic with out actually being a woman. That said, not all of us guys are bad. However, all women have the right to be paranoid about us. I've had to help so many friends through abuse problems and it's quite horrible.

Society thinks we're the ones with problems (Autism community) yet they barely even bother with those who are a real danger to society. They just lock those people up and let em go in a couple of years.

I do hope that things change for women in general over the issues of abuse and assault. I swear, if I saw one of my female friends about to get in to something bad (or have something bad happen to her) the guy trying to do it would be a bloody mess if I had my way as it seems violence is the only true way to get through to them.

Anyway, just my thoughts. I do hope none of you mind me posting here being a guy and all

well. aren't you lucky.

i think your forgetting about the countless number of women who have come from broken and abusive homes.

women living in impoverished conditions, who have little access to resources that could help enlighten them as to how to help themselves get better.

you're overlooking a spectrum of possibile causes for why some women stay in abusive relationships, primarily out of fear.

the basis in which so many people function in order to 'fit in' and be 'normal' in our society.

not everyone was raised the same way, or instilled with values and appropriate understanding of relationships.

in your previous posts, it seems as if you are implying that I am personally impaired beyond what is deemed acceptable for a woman (my or any age) to be or have been.

sadly, i respect much of your thoughts and arguments on this board. this has altered my perception of your level of 'understanding/empathy' for woman-kind.

fortunatly, you had the insight, or wherewithal to know not to put yourself in comprimising circumstances.
not everyone is granted those options all the time.

scrapping everything that i just posted. (hypothetically)

what about women who enjoy physical abuse?
the types who will stay in physically/psychologically abusive relationships even though
they 'know better'.

i've known some pretty intelligent women who've exposed themselves to this kind of violence and destruction, yet continue to stay with thier significant-ly-useless other.

how can some women be so 'smart' yet so 'pathetic'?

especially those who speak of 'equal rights' and 'woman's worth'
ironically, it seems that these women (whom i've known) are continually attracted to or
stuck with these type of men. VVV

it doesn't seem to make sense to me.

the uber-intelligent ART girl who wants the alpha-male dominant type, but gets stuck with quasi-femme she-man who can't move out of thier homes because of thier privileged upbringing.

i've experienced my fair share of socially inflicted drama, and some of the people i have known to be the most 'liberal thinking' and 'assertive' with thier convictions end up contradicting themselves or betraying thier ideals continuously.

the world isn't fair. get over it. some people have taken opportunities and made the most of what was available to them.

if you profess that 'people who are like such and such, should or shouldn't have this or that, i deserve it more' blah blah blah.

then you are only fooling yourself.

working hard, does not gaurantee a happy, fullfilled life. because you are better at something, it doesn't mean that people will like it more, or care about it.

if your true nature is to derive most if not all of your pleasure from watching other people fall to the wayside, and you supposedly rise, then expect to get what you give.

it just proves that you are THAT insecure and phony to overreact to other people's misery or happiness.

superficially congratulating, internally despising.

the 'truth talk' could never exist in society. as it is.
filtration is a necessary 'evil'.
education of the self of upmost importance, sure.

but as all things in this world. there is a spectrum.
varying degrees of 'truth' and 'reality'
as it is known to be.

we can only speculate as to what is really 'known'
for all information is produced, and subjectified.

i feel fantastically wonderful for sharing my 'insight' and 'anecdotal experiences' on this site, especially when they can be so readily dissected and moralized.

Not particularly.



And what makes you think I did not? For me, it was all the more reason to be careful and to not take s**t off anyone. I knew that if I didn't look out for myself I wasn't going to be looked out for, and I learned that far sooner in life than anyone should really have to.

I think what hamstrings a lot of women is that in spite of everything, they still rely on others to give them their self-worth. Therefore, instead of standing up for themselves, they try to placate, mollify, and otherwise "earn" the love they're not getting.



And you think I was? When I was growing up, my father was an authoritarian german catholic hardass of the old school. My mother was on medication for depression and anxiety, and was still an emotional basket case the majority of the time in spite of it... and on top of that, had an apoplectic scotch-irish temper.

Do you imagine there was peace and tranquility, in the home of Little Hazel? There most certainly was not. Even when they were not arguing (or taking it out on me) things were... interesting, to say the least. I remember one night, she was so tired of him reading the newspaper when he got home rather than talking to her that she went up and set it on fire.

Yes, in the family room.

Yes, with him sitting there and reading it.

My family life was conflict-ridden and somewhat bizarre to say the least, but I was capable of learning from a bad example... i.e. me as a child observing a particular interaction between my own perpetually arguing parents and thinking: "Ok, this pattern of interaction is obviously dysfunctional BS... so when I'm older and get a man I'm not going to do it this way."

Eventually, my list of "Ok, this is obviously BS, I'm not doing this." became so long and detailed that a way to doing it better was revealed by simple process of elimination.



Allowing others to determine your self-worth is sadly very common in females.... if anything, I'm the anomaly here, not you. lol.



Due to my own characteristics, it is virtually impossible for me to get "emotionally fuzzy-wuzzy" with those who allow others to determine their own self-worth, yes. This is partially why I tend to simply not get along with most women. Even in real life, the vast majority of my friends are male.



They still harbor the illusion that people "should" care. Shoulds and oughts are a fine thing... but I prefer to live in the world of "can" and "does". I find most people flat-out incapable of giving a damn about anyone other than themselves in the final analysis, and when you're dealing with someone like that, expecting them to change is folly. Their first, last, and middling priorities are the same, and will always be the same... "What's in it for me?"

Anyone have statistics on female rapists? Is it so common with men because they are to one's who have the 'tool' as it were, whereas the woman lacks this kind of 'power' (if you get me - you know, to insert, which implies a dominance to me). Or is it the testostirone? Furthermore, if it is true that women require less sex than men, why is that?

Wow there are so many forms and methods of abuse, through others, and from the self.

My ex lets herself be used by guys (sometimes 2 at a time) as a way to get back at herself, and to get back at me, for the pain.

She was raped, at 14 years old, so I think this contributes to it hugely, I think no matter what she achieves, no matter the love we shared, if me and her have a problem she instantly needs to find solace in being used...

Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? I've met minds who treated themself worse though.

Every woman I've known wanted more sex than me, but maybe this was because I was quiet and sometimes far away in thoughts, sex was a method of communicating. Generally though sex became a sort of unspoken threat... ie: be bad to me and another will be using me that way..

I do think testosterone plays a part in rape, but there has to be a point, of choice:

Where someone says no and you continue anyway..

Maybe some rapes occur due to bursts and explosions of anger, though sadly I think most are premeditated or loosely planned.

My ex also had a problem with saying no, she was upset over me and her breaking up (for the umpteenth time) and so she went over her sisters house.. She was invited over for a session with two guys (5-6 years older). They decided to "enjoy her" all night, and she said she didn't even want to (she wouldn't lie, she has told me worse) but couldn't even say anything because she was afraid.. She said after hours she was exhausted and claimed she needed to sleep but they continued anyway.

Is this rape?

Generally what she went through is considered normal, in fact she herself referred to it as a 3some, something she didn't want, but is fine anyway..

I must say telling this story makes me feel quite sick, the memories of others using her like that continue to plague me everyday despite my waning obsession with her.

Anyway, female rapists, I've never heard of one...

Excuse the rant-like nature, I'm trying to get over her, and I'm continually seeing the last fight we had, I'm continually seeing her being used like a cheap whore, when in fact she is a beautiful, intelligent person.

It sounds like rape, yes. If she no longer wants to go through with it (and she hasn't line decided she doesn't want to go through with it seconds before it's going to finish), it's rape. If she doesn't want to go and get help though, that's her problem. You can't make decisions for her, much as you might want to.

just taking this subject a step further.

"Ok, this is obviously BS, I'm not doing this." became so long and detailed that a way to doing it better was revealed by simple process of elimination.

is that your impression regarding all social interaction? i can't even begin to imagine what kind of a PRIZE you are. you do understand that there is such a thing as reciprocity. i think that because of the way that you were raised it is your general interest to have control of the things and people with whom you interact with. that in itself seems to be a major character flaw. but its just my opinion. and opinions are flawed. correct?

Quote:
in your previous posts, it seems as if you are implying that I am personally impaired beyond what is deemed acceptable for a woman (my or any age) to be or have been.

Allowing others to determine your self-worth is sadly very common in females.... if anything, I'm the anomaly here, not you. lol.

who doesn't really determine peoples' self worth? you go to school, get good grades, create something, win a scholarship, get a raise. tell me HOW to avoid having other people determine/evaluate your self-worth. everything is people-based. you come on these boards and spout your opinions, and you AREN'T expecting people to react? isn't that in itself contradictory? you are WAITING for someone to prove you wrong/right, and basing thier reaction towards you to inflate your self-opinion. now THAT seems to be exactly what you claim that is wrong with women. but, perhaps mind you, your strategy is quite different. superior maybe. but still, it is basing your self-worth on what other people think about you. based on performance, intelligence. still based on what others 'think' though. that is something quite impossible to avoid. unless of course, you want to live on an island, exclusive of civilization.

how do i know for certain that you are an anomaly? the only way that i can determine 'who you are' is based on the anonymous posts that you have on this forum. i'm sure that you, being the sage, that you imply that you are, have never uttered or done a stupid thing in your life. oh, that's right. from what you state, you are infallible. face to face interaction is quite a different thing than online. what kind of person do you present yourself to the outside world? tough? indestructable? 'better'? and although you do have solid arguments, it is apparent that underlying your disdain towards the way that the female population reacts to males, it seems like that stems from your personal frustration for not being able to 'control' the opinions of men by using your logic. men will like what they like, and just by you telling them that they are flawed in thier way of thinking, it will not assert thier interest in liking you any further then the next person.

i see that women who get along better with men for two reasons

1. they feel threatened by other women
2. they feel safer in the company of men because
a. they are not a threat.
b. men tend to be more direct/ less fake then women are with one another.

ok. i understand this, and can personally relate to this myself. i, however, can get along with certain women who aren't 'full of s**t' as you put it.

psychologically though. the same sex subconsciously, is always in competition with one another for survival/reproduction purposes.

if you dislike the way that women act towards men, perhaps it is because you are incapable of being this way yourself. (for superficial reasons/intellectual reasons)

understand though. this is a game. anyone is game.

your contempt for women, who possibly have an advantage over you because of thier 'status' or appearance only reinforces my doubts as to what you really know, or have to 'offer'. because, isn't that how 'reciprocity' works? each person expects another person to contribute something to the 'relationship'. now, it may be to your disliking, because of the ways that people represent themselves in this society, but that's how it is. your disdain will not change people into what you want them to be. as you put it, to serve you in some immediate way.

logic, on your side, won't secure interest from all parties.

Quote:
sadly, i respect much of your thoughts and arguments on this board. this has altered my perception of your level of 'understanding/empathy' for woman-kind.

Due to my own characteristics, it is virtually impossible for me to get "emotionally fuzzy-wuzzy" with those who allow others to determine their own self-worth, yes. This is partially why I tend to simply not get along with most women. Even in real life, the vast majority of my friends are male.

and what exactly are those 'characteristics'? if you can't get 'emotionally fuzzy-wuzzy' with people then you must be the Iciest b***h, lacking empathy for anyone who does not serve you well.

i'm sure that you've thought lesser of people who haven't followed your train of thinking before. especially women. like they are weak, dumb. i'm assuming also that your mind does not allow for things like 'love' to really exist. people in relationships make exceptions, and concessions for one another. that is called 'support', caring, 'love'.

if you have such glorious insight, then instead of tearing people down (because it is so evident that POWER is an important issue with you) why don't you find more constructive ways of informing other women. but, then again. you're right. i forgot. you don't like women, because they base more on emotions/illogic then you do.

and I should hear your damn sob story about how hard it was for you growing up, when you can't even muster up the decency to superficially empathize, or offer constructive criticism.

to quote you:

"What's in it for me?"