Gossiping

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I was taught as a kid that gossiping was talking badly about someone without them around. But it never made sense because everyone seemed to do it. People will rant about other people such as about their own parents or kids or teachers or siblings or bullies, etc. People will even talk about the annoying things other people do they can't stand or talk about people in general they can't stand. That be all gossiping since it's bad mouthing them behind their backs. Even people go to therapist offices and bad mouth people. I can remember mom telling me other parents in our neighborhood are lazy because they always believed their kids lies and never supervised them so they got away with lot of stuff. So if gossiping was so wrong, then talking about what annoys us other people do is wrong and talking about our bullies or our problems with other people. I even see gossip here.

But then mom told me recently gossip means when people repeat the story so if I were to talk about a member here, that wouldn't be gossip but if that person went repeating it to other members, then that be gossip. So for it to be gossip, I would have to repeat the story. Lot of people do that unfortunately and I never liked it. It's like you can't trust anyone unless they are your own friend or close family member. Also mom told me gossip is if you saw an incident with another person and you went telling it to others just to be malicious and to make fun of that person and to make them look bad and feel embarrassed. Then she also told me gossip is another word for bullshitting. It's where people just talk. Like when men talk about sports and other stuff, people call it bullshitting. When women do that, people call it gossip.

Gossip is a confusing word. I just stuck to the fact that talking badly about other people without them around was gossip. But doesn't everyone do that? So it never made sense why it was so wrong or else no one be allowed to talk about their personal problems or issues because it happened to involve that other person. What's interesting is, someone can be bitching about their problem they have with someone and if they got caught by the person whom they ere talking about or by anyone who happened to know that person, the gossiper is seen as a bully. That's why people say you need to be very careful when you talk about someone. I suppose if they were to walk in on them at the doctor's office and caught them or if they found out somehow, I guess they are a bully for going to their shrink just to talk about it. That's how ridiculous this all is. I have asked about this for years and my husband suggested a couple years ago that maybe it becomes gossip if you do it all the time but if you do it sometimes, it's not gossip. So I thought if you are always whining about other people, you have problems and need therapy because people are always making you unhappy if you aren't doing it to be malicious. Then mom told me the real meaning of gossip. I see it's also a misused word. You can talk about something and someone can mistake it as gossip. Plus calling it gossip when you are talking about stuff that isn't even about people. I see it's also used as a phrase.

Mom also used to tell me as a kid "This is just my opinion and must not be repeated to anyone, not to dad, not to your brothers, not to them, no one because I could be wrong and then people would be upset with me." I had a mouth the and blabbed anything I was told. Now I don't really repeat stuff someone said about another person. This is something people do all the time. Tell someone what you think of another person, the person you talked to goes to that person and tells them or goes telling others what you said. I don't know why they do this. Why did I do it as a kid? I don't know. But yet when I get told it was personal and must not be repeated, I kept my mouth shut about it after I knew why I should. I think people do this to hurt others just like I did it to hurt the bullies but because mom told me it would get her into trouble and make people mad at her, I didn't do it. Gossiping can be a form of bullying depending on how it's done.

No.

I think that might be the reason why nobody speaks to me at work other than if it involves work. To me talking is the exchange of useful information. But then the other day I was told "Can you please stop talking about penguins now..." Penguins = special interest. Very special interest. But then my idea of a good time is at home alone with the New Scientist. I don't understand gossip. I don't understand people. I understand penguins.