Can Aspies be good at "faking" it?

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I suck at faking it, its sad that faking it is required for survival because that sort of means I'm screwed but I already knew that........if only people could actually live their lives as themselves.

Oh yeah. Most of the time, I can even fool my own family.

I fake it at work all the time. I wish it didn't take so much energy...I'm always exhausted when I get home from work.

~Kate

I cannot fake it. I did not have much choice about faking or not faking. Before my diagnosis, I did not know that there was something to fake, so I never faked on purpose. The only faking I did was tending to nod and smile whenever I did not understand an ntism. After diagnosis, I realized just how sh***y my socials were, so I decided not to fake, because I would suck too much at it.

I've just realized that I've been faking it all my life. The number one rule in my rule book has been: Be whatever people need you to be. It's so exhausting. I burned out a long time ago. Learning that I'm an Aspie is helping me to see what I'm doing and why. I'm so good at faking it that people think "Wow, Rae's great. She's just like me." I can't count the number of people who have told me I'm like them, and I look at them and think, "No, I'm not," but it's my fault because that is what I'm communicating.

It took me two failed interview attempts when trying to get into my post-grad degree to realise that when people said "just be yourself", they actually meant "be who they want you to be". It was a bit of a *facepalm* moment when I figured that out. So I 'faked it' the third time and got in no worries.

The best thing my parents did for me was to put me in drama school when I was young so faking it became easier. I still go to acting classes during my Uni holidays; summer schools at top-notch academies (costs a lot but you usually don't need an audition to get in), and there they make me look into people's eyes for hours. The best instruction I got was from a scary scary tutor who would run around yelling "it's not about you, it's about THEM!" Looking at other people, seeing other people, reacting to other people, give and take, noticing where they're standing, how they're standing, who has the status, what are the stakes... incredibly exhausting but brilliant brilliant brilliant at teaching you how to fake it.

When you push yourself hard in a 'safe' environment (actors are weird people by default, they don't care if you're a little odd too), you can build up your 'social muscles' just as with any other. Every time I go (one month, full time), I always feel like I can face the year ahead with far more tools and strategies than before, and I become a lot less exhausted in social situations.

Acting skills classes are made for Aspies.

I tried every method to fit in and feel comfortable I could think of before I found out I am most likely a total Aspie. I finally starting giving up while doing field work for college credit. I don't remember much of it years later or the whys, but my mentor got angry at me and said "you're such a people pleaser". I think a part of me that had always hoped I would overcome the uncomfortable panic and shyness and move on with my life up and died that day. I go around a lot of my day when in public looking like I have an attitude to cover for how I really feel about not at least fitting in Acting classes are a good idea. If any of my kids start struggling as I did in middle school I will try to enroll them and see if they gain confidence and poise which I obviously missed out on.

I've since learned how many games and untrue to themselves many NTs really are to get what they want and where they want to go. For example in a group there are a few top members and then when one is absent the rest will pounce on the opportunity to gossip and cut x person down. Im loyal to my few friends and could never understand it till someone here defined it as group think. A pack mentality where the group bonds by singling out one particular and then chews them to pieces. NTs. They're from another planet

I wish I could fake better. Life would be easier. A few specific things I can fake well. In some situations, I could appear NT but simply shy. I hate when I freeze up and many times I can hardly say anything.

I have taken acting classes in primary school, middle school, and high school. I don't guess they made a difference for me. Acting classes scare me. If I could embrace them and try and let them change me, it could work. I like to avoid socializing.

I fake rather well.

I once saw a woman (she was going to set something up for me at the local youth center because many people were worried about my lack of wanting to go out or participate in anything) and she said "When your Mum was talking about how you are at home it was like she was talking about someone completely different. In person you seem so happy and full of life".

But it's become second nature now, to pretend to be happy when I'm upset or anxious. This means it's hard to get people to take me seriously.
I went to the doctors repeatedly about my depression but obviously describing being unbearably sad all the time with a huge smile on my face isn't exactly helpful.
The one time they took me seriously is when I actually started crying, which, made me feel pathetic.

My partners Mum said she didn't realize how bad my anxiety was until one day when my partner's brother's friends came over and his mum suggested we all go to the pier.
I was like "SHITSHITSHIT I'm not prepared to go out there wasn't enough time to prepare myself to go out!" in my head and apparently it showed in my demeanor. That was 3 years into our relationship so I'd faked it that long before the jig was up XD

i fake almost every social situation I'm in to at least some degree. I smile reflexively (if smiled at) and have learned that certain social cues mean I should laugh, respond a certain way, etc. For the most part I have a very neutral to "scowling" facial expression and I actively change that when in a group/public setting.

It's exhausting- but possible!

I'm not sure what you mean by "faking it". When I am in face-to-face/ real life social interaction, I don't know how to fake it. I never learned the art of "socially acceptable eye contact"; I never learned how to decipher tidal waves of human speech coming at me faster than I can process it. And since I tend to take communications literally----and that seems to be hard-wired into my brain----I don't think I will ever get far beyond that point.
I have mastered some small-talk; I have mastered some skills in outwardly showing the sympathy and warmth that I feel towards others on the inside. Some behaviors can be learned, but my theory is that you can't un-do genetic hard-wiring.

I'm so good at faking it that I've even pleasantly surprised myself. For a person on the Autistic spectrum with very high anxiety issues, I do pretty well, and I seem to know better not to bite my nails in public or walk with my head right down (sometimes I do but not too often) and have an awkward gait or stand in a nervous way twitching or ringing my fingers or stim. I don't do any of those things, never have done really, so I am quite pleased with myself. Well, I've only got a mild case of AS and I am self-aware so I always know when I am doing something odd because I can sense it.

This is why I still don't understand why I keep getting odd stares by women.

I do try to "fake it" when it is expected of me but I don't know whether or not I'm good at it because I do not have the slightest clue of how I appear to others and not the slightest clue of when I'm making a social blunder. I don't even know when people are looking at me weirdly.

Well lucky for me I also can instinctively read body language well, so I can always tell when I've made a social error judging by other people's reactions, even if it's the tiniest reaction I can still sense it, unless they are good at not non-verbally pointing out my mistakes or weirdness. I think I am hypersensitive to body language sometimes, like when somebody looks at me in the street I immediately think it's because I am doing something wrong, which is rationally not always the case because people look at people all the time, but because I don't look at strangers back, I just immediately think they are staring to judge because when I'm not looking I can still feel their eyes ''burning a hole in my face'' sort of thing. The other day I felt someone staring at me in a shop, so I turned round and caught a man at the till staring right at me then he smiled when I looked round, but I still took that as an insult and started thinking ''oh I was probably doing something stupid, because he smiled quickly when I look round as if he felt embarrassed for staring and so had to look like it was good when it probably wasn't.''

But that might be due to paranoia and pessimistic thoughts, not so much overreading body language.

I'm actually very good at faking. It gets tiring after awhile and people eventually figure you out or you figure yourself out and then you have to explain the fakeness.

I suck at faking big time. I manage to fake it everyday at work because I've worked there for more than 10 years. But in an unfamiliar situation like at a party I'm at a total loss how to act.