Any successful love stories of an Aspiegirl and NT???

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MusicMama
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26 Feb 2012, 6:41 pm

I've been with my husband for 11 years - married for 8. I don't have a formal dx (yet...) because I just figured out this past week that I'm probably AS. It explains a LOT.

Most of our disagreements and fights are because I can't hear when I have a "tone" and my husband interprets my "tone" instead of hearing what I'm saying. Then I get upset with him for reading into what I was saying.

I cannot "read between the lines" when communicating with people. It infuriates me when others do it to me. Of course, now that we have figured this out, hopefully I can work on it (and so can he!).

He's also told me that he doesn't feel very supported emotionally and I shut down when he starts wanting me to talk about my feelings... he doesn't consider "tired" or "hungry" to be feelings which still confuses me.

And I know that it frustrates him when I get engrossed in a new interest (like learning about AS which is my current one...) and spend hours on the computer researching instead of talking to him about non-interest related things...



Wavelength
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27 Feb 2012, 4:10 pm

15 years here! He always knew I was odd/different. I have never had to explain though. He understands I have particular needs (as I do him). For example, he texts me several times per evening if the time he is likely to arrive home from work changes. I am rigid on knowing what time to expect something and cannot bear to be late and can't comprehend it, or rationalise it in others.

I only recently realised I am an aspie. To be able to give him a reason why I am this way is a huge relief to me (Even though he never questioned it).

We had a discussion the other day about how opposites attract and theorised about opposites doing well togethr because they compensate for each other and meet each others needs. We do this all the time, we move through life like one (but not without difficulty).

Despite having a tough time due to my traits, I am very happy and feel accepted. This is all down to him/us.

I am still making sense of it all in relation to me.... but I do know and have always known that we have a special relationship.



y-pod
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28 Feb 2012, 5:21 am

My DH has been with me for 16 years and we're best friends. Any relationship takes work to maintain. The good news is AS girl / NT guy is a much easier combo than NT girl /AS guy. Though I think the NT guys need to be smart and understanding, an appreciate you as an individual. Basically not the more traditional kind of guy who thinks men should do this and women should do that.

It wouldn't hurt for aspies of either gender to find a partner who's the warm, loving, nurturing type. They adore the innocence or aspies and like to take care of people. Let's admit it, if you eventually have children, at least one of you should be the warm, nurturing type, right? If a guy is tough and indifferent (the kind many women go crazy for), don't even bother with him. He won't have the patience to live with aspies.


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KyoryokunaOni
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02 Mar 2012, 10:40 pm

i'm 23 and i've been married to my wife (or as the homophobic british government call her my "civil partner") for nearly 4 years. i've been attracted to her ever since we were 11 years old and she is very NT. i was diagnosed at the age of 15 and she said that she would always care about me no matter what and she helped me through my deppressions, violent outbursts and the general fact that i lost my ability to smile. as soon as we started dating my life turned around and i finally had someone in my life worth loving (unlike my rectum face of a father) and we never argue or fight and we've always been together. i'm so attached that i can't sleep when shes not around (i know i sound really clingy [and i kind of am] but she sais that she loves me for it) and she's one of the 3 people who is allowed to touch me without getting hit (the other 2 are my twin sis and my older sis).


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Erisad
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03 Mar 2012, 9:10 am

KyoryokunaOni wrote:
i'm 23 and i've been married to my wife (or as the homophobic british government call her my "civil partner") for nearly 4 years. i've been attracted to her ever since we were 11 years old and she is very NT. i was diagnosed at the age of 15 and she said that she would always care about me no matter what and she helped me through my deppressions, violent outbursts and the general fact that i lost my ability to smile. as soon as we started dating my life turned around and i finally had someone in my life worth loving (unlike my rectum face of a father) and we never argue or fight and we've always been together. i'm so attached that i can't sleep when shes not around (i know i sound really clingy [and i kind of am] but she sais that she loves me for it) and she's one of the 3 people who is allowed to touch me without getting hit (the other 2 are my twin sis and my older sis).


I'm really glad you are able to find happiness. Everyone deserves to be happy. Also, rectum face makes me giggle a bit. :)



Cobalt87
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22 Mar 2012, 10:23 am

Happy relationship for 3 years, probabaly will be for the rest of our lives. There is evidence that AS and Dyslexia share a gene, and I have to agree. We are compliments. He helps me with social stuff, I help him with reading/writing stuff. He is pretty accepting of my antics associated with AS and ADHD. He has more need for social interaction, but he is also independent as well. Every aspect of life is dealt with as a negotiable contract. (Activities, chores, etc).



Nereid
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31 Mar 2012, 2:11 am

Currently with an NT guy. We've been together for 4 1/2 years.



BuyerBeware
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01 Apr 2012, 12:55 am

Been with an NT guy for 14 years, (legally) married for 11.

He says I'm the best thing that ever happened to him.

I say he only dated me because he was far from home, alone, and desperate, and he puts up with me because a bunch of stupid party-happy b*****s wrecked his self-esteem in high school and needs someone to chase his kids, cook his meals, and wash and mend his clothing.

In other words, I've basically ruined his life. He just doesn't have enough self-confidence to see that.

His folks tell him so all the time, now that they don't need me to put him through college any more. Someday he'll see it. Then I'll be out on my ass and I'll never see my kids again.

Aspies?? Having relationships?? Shouldn't bother. We can't do it. I've lived my life in defiance of that fact-- a decision I very much regret, now that it's too late.


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WantToHaveALife
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18 Sep 2012, 5:13 pm

Mitsuki wrote:
Happy Valentine's Day everyone!! ! Just wondering if there are any Aspiegirls in a good relationship with a NT?? I have been with a NT 2 years now, things are great but I wonder if things will be difficult in the future if we move in together. Just wondering how I will manage living with someone and living independently.

Would appreciate your advice :)


the odds are much more in an aspie girl's favor to land a relationship than for an aspie guy to land a relationship, since life, society still dictates it is the guy's job to still initiate the pursuit



Erisad
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18 Sep 2012, 6:43 pm

Erisad wrote:
I'm an aspie dating an NT and while it's been almost 7 months, I feel so happy. I honestly believe that we can make it all the way, hopefully I'm proven right. :)


It's been 1 year and 2 months now. We're still very much in love and things are going well. We're looking to be living together sometime next year, once I get a car and license and maybe get transferred to another location within my company closer to where he lives. :)



ebec11
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19 Sep 2012, 3:01 am

Been dating my boyfriend for over six months now :) It's a great relationship, though it's hard because although I'm the more bossy one in the relationship, I kind of need him to step up with kissing and stuff like that because of past issues :/ But he's really shy...no, that's not the word. I guess submissive, though I hate the hidden meaning from that word. So it's been slooooow. It doesn't help that sensory wise I HATE kissing XD (It's funny because I obsessed about my first kiss for so long, then when it happened...oh crap I hate this!).
Anyway, besides the rambling parts, we have a great relationship. We're both geeks, and we really love each other. There's the right person for everybody, just don't give up the search :)



musicforanna
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19 Sep 2012, 8:32 am

Cobalt87 wrote:
Happy relationship for 3 years, probabaly will be for the rest of our lives. There is evidence that AS and Dyslexia share a gene, and I have to agree. We are compliments. He helps me with social stuff, I help him with reading/writing stuff. He is pretty accepting of my antics associated with AS and ADHD. He has more need for social interaction, but he is also independent as well. Every aspect of life is dealt with as a negotiable contract. (Activities, chores, etc).

Whoa, I didn't know that. That's good to know.

I'm the aspie, but I wouldn't necessarily call my bf NT-- he's bipolar, and we have suspicions that he's also dyslexic. We've been together for 11 years.



forkful_of_soup
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23 Sep 2012, 5:56 pm

I've been in a relationship with my NT husband for 9 years. We'll have been happily married for five of those years next month. He says that my "differences" are what he likes about me. Communication can be difficult sometimes, but he knows about my "issues" and is very accepting.


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League_Girl
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25 Sep 2012, 5:58 pm

Been with my NT husband for five years, married for three. He has seizures and birth defects in is ankles, three different learning disabilities but he is very hard working. I was already diagnosed when we met and he is very understanding most of the time and he puts up with me and accepts everything about me. He also takes care of the finances and lot of things to keep stress off me. We also have an NT son together.

I say I got lucky I met the guy because I don't think lot of men would have put up with me or tolerated me and be as understanding.


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KallieD
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26 Sep 2012, 7:42 am

Haven't been with my NT boyfriend for very long, but it's going very well. That doesn't always happen. You need someone very patient and accepting.



Trekie
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26 Sep 2012, 1:45 pm

Maried to Wonderfull NT for 10 years.