Telling someone you don't want to meet him

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So why exactly don't you want to meet up with this guy again? You should never ignore him if you suspect that he really likes you, this is just wrong. Not to be rude, but I feel sorry for this guy and the fact that he is upset that he is having trouble trying to talk to you. You should try to support it, not be hostile towards him, trying to make him an enemy of yours.

He probably likes to talk to you because he really likes you and you make him feel special. With this in mind, you need to give up on how you feel towards him and give him the support he needs, then lecture him about how you honestly feel so that he can accept it back. Ignoring him completely is really not the right thing to do here, especially when he is trying to text you.

Also this isn't harrassment, because he is just reacting to how upset he is, and just wants support from you.

What the hell, no its not. It's unwanted attention. Period. Pushing it is called harassment. It's very bad behaviour. If someone doesn't want to interact with you, that's their right, and nobody has any right to question it. Nobody owes anybody to interact with them. End of story. Your ethics are in a very, very bad place.



Nobody owes anybody interaction, much less support, except family perhaps. Not strangers.

I am not trying to make him an enemy, I'm actually trying to deal with this situation in a way that will cause him as little upset as possible. I would never ignore someone for no reason, it's only because I've already explained to him in a nice way many times that I don't want to see him anymore, and he won't accept that. I don't know what else I can do.


Continuously bombarding someone with messages is pretty much the definition of harassment. And he doesn't want support from me, he wants to use me for sexual gratification. As a woman, I have a right to decide who I sleep with, who I let touch my body, and who I spend time with. I'm sorry if you find that difficult to accept.

I also wonder if the guy has Asperger's, in which case he may not know he's harassing you. He may just not understand the boundaries, and I think for this reason you have to be very firm with him. Trying to let him down gently won't work, he'll either be confused or read into it whatever he wants to hear. Giving in and seeing him again would be disastrous, too – it would just confuse him totally and the whole thing would start up again. You have to accept that you can't be this guy's friend, and you can't accept anything from him even if you're having a dark moment yourself at some point.

If it were me I'd compose a text, such as I DON'T WANT TO MEET YOU AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO TEXT ME. PLEASE STOP NOW. YOU ARE HARASSING ME, WHICH IS UNLAWFUL. IF YOU CONTINUE I WILL REPORT YOU. I'd send the same message up to three times, and then if he still tried to continue the conversation, I'd simply send one that said I AM NOW GOING TO THE POLICE ABOUT YOUR HARASSMENT OF ME. If he did continue, I would go to the police. If you're prepared to do this, don't delete his texts; they'll be needed as evidence.

I'm sorry you're having these problems, it must be very difficult. But I don't think you'll regret trying to find your own way to be absolutely firm about it – it'll help you and it'll help him learn about boundaries too.

Thanks for your support, edgewaters and Moonpenny. I think I will take your advice Moonpenny as it looks like that is the only way this will ever be resolved. I agree that he might not know he's harassing me, as I get the impression he genuinely doesn't realise he is doing anything wrong. It will be better for both of us if I can be very firm with him because I think he won't be able to accept its over and move on until he realises I'm completely serious about not seeing him again.

In his case, no.

I think agreeing to meet him was a mistake; now he thinks if he's persistent enough, he'll get his way.


Good idea. Then block his number. He'll get over his hurt feelings (pride?) eventually.



This is really dodgy (NT bf reading over shoulder agrees). Does he know where you live/work? I would have a very low threshold here for going to the police,

BLOCK HIS NUMBER! It's the only way. He doesn't care about your feelings at all.

From the book The Gift of Fear http://www.amazon.com/The-Gift-Fear-Gav ... 0440226198
This is how one rapist works. A man at the store offers to help a lady bring her groceries to her car. He doesn't take no for an answer. Then she finds herself with him bringing her groceries into her apartment. He didn't take no for an answer the first time she said it. He's just not going to accept no.

This situation is what I've been through in my life. My therapist finally got through to me. Guys that won't take no for an answer the first time you say it won't take no for an answer the 10th time you say it. If you give in the 10th time, they take it to mean that their persistence pays off. This is how I found myself married (now divorced) and the same situation got me into a bad long-term relationship.

The therapist said "How do you kill a Hydra?" It's the mythical 7-headed monster. Every time you chop off a head, two more grow back. The answer? "You starve it to death!" It's the only way.

Every time you answer this man, he gets what he wants, even if it's negative.

Save yourself! Remember, a good man takes no for an answer the very first time.

i have had 2 guys stalk me before but in person not over the internet or texting me. one was my senior year in high school trying to get me to go out with him. he would pester me every single day at school for some weeks before i finally gave in then he finally dropped me like a rock into the ocean. all he was looking for was "guy" points with his friends since he was a freshman. the other guy was in a class by me every day in college. this just sent off bad vibes and i avoided him whenever possible. i used to call him the creeper when with my classmates. i was in the Automotive Technology program in my community college. he was in the certificate program and i was going for a degree. I did feel bad for the guy, he seemed to have no friends and was just looking for a friend but the vibes he sent off just really creeped me out!! he never had my phone number so he couldn't bombard me with texts or calls. if he had my number i definitely would have blocked him. he also didn't know where i lived but did know where i worked and dropped in a few times. i now wish i had been very firm with him in telling him that i WAS NOT INTERESTED. if i could do it over again i would be very clear and firm with him.

I once joined a dating service, and was contacted by this guy. He called and we spent some time chatting on the phone. Since this was on a Monday, we made date for that coming Saturday. Well, this guy proceeded to call me every single night. I told him that I would see him on Saturday but he kept calling until I had serious second thoughts about seeing him at all! I decided to go through with the date, but for the following reason: I feared that if I canceled, he would start harassing and stalking me and I wouldn't even know what he looked like or what kind of car he drove. I figured it was best to meet since he already had my address.

So we went to a movie together. He kept staring meaningfully at me so that I couldn't even enjoy the film. He insisted upon taking me for ice cream afterward, and I went along so as not to make waves. He kept talking about how he wanted me to make hot chocolate for him every night when we got married. When he dropped me off at my house, I bid him good night.

When he called me, I told him that I'd had a nice time but that I didn't want to see him anymore. He got surly and wanted to know why, and insisted that he just wanted to be friends. I told him I had not paid hundreds of dollars to meet friends. I asked him not to call me any more because I didn't want to date him. He continued to call every day. I stopped answering the phone. One night I was watching TV and he pulled up in front of my house and starting angrily ringing the bell and pounding on the door! If I had opened that door God knows what he would have done to me! After that I called the police but by the time they arrived, he had given up and driven away.

So I called my father, who was in law enforcement at the time. I gave him this guys phone number and address. My father called the guy up and gave him a description of what he would come and do to him if he bothered me anymore. The guy never contacted me again.

So, nihalfdo, who has made only this one post, are you the annoying guy this thread is about, or are you just some other guy with as bad manners who feels that these bad manners need to be excused?

Muslims genrally only have strict rules and punishments for the behaviour of women. Man can do whatever, especially for a non-muslim woman, as a muslim-womans husband or father would have some rights, but who cares about non-muslims. They are allowed contact. They only can't marry a woman who stays non-muslim after the marriage - which I think simply means that a married woman is then considered muslim whatever she herself thinks.

In my experience, it might be simply impossible to make some people among muslims (among some nations) plain understand rules that most people in our environment take for granted. Simply impossible for some, period. So if saying it did not work, then just back off and close the door for good.

I guess you don't want to go through all this third time, even if you get some comfort from his attention when there is no-one else. Think it through now and take measures to avoid your weakness-moment mistakes. Block a phonenumber - go for it. It is perfectly reasonable thing to do. And if he gets more obtrusive, go to the police. Nothing nearly as bad could happen to him with police that could happen to you if such stalker gets more messages that he is able to interpret as "mixed" (his ability to interpret them so is probably much wider than your actual inconclusiveness).

I wish you determined mind and better luck with new aquintances in the future

This is a support forum, not a support your local stalker forum. Having only one post to your count makes me wonder just what you are about!

You kill a hydra with a combination of poison and cauterizing, starvation has nothing to do with it.


It sounds as though it'd be a good idea to make sure people you know are aware of the situation- friends, family, roomates, etc.