04 Oct 2012, 2:10 pm
05 Oct 2012, 12:16 am
05 Oct 2012, 3:25 am
Filipendula wrote:
Sarah81 wrote:
Filipendula wrote:
I've been wondering this for a long time. Why are people here so aware of what NTs think of them when NTs themselves would say honesty to the point of personal criticism was antisocial
I guess this question is rhetorical but I'll answer it anyway. Aspies do not have a monopoly on being antisocial. NTs are actually much more antisocial, but the difference is they do it on purpose, and with enough skill to make it really sting, without putting themselves in a vulnerable position. Negative personal criticism is one kind of bullying.
No it wasn't rhetorical, I genuinely want to know and understand so thanks for responding with your thoughts.
Do you think it's all down to bullying then? Because admittedly I've largely managed to avoid that sort of thing (apparently I was always good at giving people such dirty looks that they rarely tried twice), but then it just raises a whole load of new questions for me. For example, I work somewhere where I would confidently say that there simply isn't any bullying (botanists not being known for their pack animal instincts). So my view of the adult world is that you don't encounter bullies unless you hang out in the wrong places or with the wrong people. It just surprises me that so many people on WP exist in environments or with people who will so happily pick another person apart like that.
As a final note, I do agree that NT's are, at a pure level, "less nice" because of the ingrained dishonesty and manipulation that prevails in society so I'm really not questioning that. I'm just wondering why I haven't got a clue what other people think of me, when everyone else on WP seems to have a whole load of self knowledge derived from personal criticism (constructive or otherwise). It both shocks/surprises me and also makes me a little paranoid that I somehow just don't notice when I'm being criticised.
Well, I guess when I said it's all bullying it was on the cynical side of things. Sometimes giving little bits of criticism can be a way of reinforcing the subtle social hierachy that is constantly being played out between people. They may not actually mean any harm but often it can mean the person is taking the lead role. For example when I was fourteen I started my growth spurt and I was quite physically awkward. One of my peers started pointing out how I was sitting, moving etc., thinking that she was helping me. Actually I found her quite patronising. It went beyond helpful when she started talking about my awkwardness with an entire group of girls in my year. She didn't know that I was listening from around the corner. At that tender age I went home and cried, and I couldn't speak to any of the girls again. Actually it affected my self esteem for a long time.
Criticism can be appropriate when it is between a teacher and student, with the aim of learning, or between a boss and employee, in the name of productivity. In both these examples it should be constructive and not personally directed. If a boss or teacher criticizes you constantly or unfairly or directs it at you personally, it is bullying.
I grew up with genuinely nice people and it wasn't until my mid-twenties that I was made to realise that there were some people in the world who were just basically nasty. I always used to forgive nastiness and make excuses for the person but now I tend to deal with it more assertively. I don't end up having to put up with crap now. I am still open and trusting toward people I feel deserve this trust. Nasty people desire power, probably because they feel small inside, and they like to abuse that power. They will take advantage of your kindness and feel no remorse. It takes some skill to deal with them effectively so if you are a bit hesitant than don't deal with that person directly, avoid them if you can or deal with their supervisor directly.
Nice people are hard to find so if you are with nice people then stay there!!
05 Oct 2012, 8:17 am
11 Oct 2012, 6:03 pm
OliveOilMom
Veteran
Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
11 Oct 2012, 10:50 pm
That I don't have good sense
That there is no telling what I will do or say
Not to let me around sensitive people or those that need to be impressed in a good way
That I'm the go to girl for revenge
That to me, there is never such a thing as a bad idea
That you should hide your liqour
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
11 Oct 2012, 11:40 pm
12 Oct 2012, 11:15 am
13 Oct 2012, 2:30 am
13 Oct 2012, 2:41 am
13 Oct 2012, 5:57 am
13 Oct 2012, 6:26 am
15 Oct 2012, 12:40 am
15 Oct 2012, 12:56 am
CockneyRebel
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 117,337
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love
17 Oct 2012, 10:00 pm
"Little Langley Mod."
"That Little Cockney, over there."
"There's that Mick Avory Weirdo, over there."
I take all three comments as compliments. 
19 Oct 2012, 4:02 pm
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