the Adult section is mostly men posting lately. why?

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MjrMajorMajor
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28 Jan 2013, 2:06 pm

I think there's a place for banter, and serious discussion. I'd honestly like to see more in depth discussions and debates from a variety of ages, because I find these informative and eye opening. There is absolutely a hesitancy involved with discussing sexuality and other personal issues online, but it's worth pushing past because there shouldn't be(within reason). There's nothing wrong with keeping the personal personal, but I think there has been a lot of cultural conditioning about sex being taboo. Metaldanielle has a very good point in that women have to start the ball rolling. I'm not sure what direction I'd take it personally, but it is definitely food for thought.



lostonearth35
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28 Jan 2013, 8:27 pm

Because men want to live up to the stereotype that sex is all they think about. :P



Kjas
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28 Jan 2013, 11:20 pm

mv wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
for me, i used to post more in there, but i found there are fewer and fewer members in Adult who think along similar lines to me. it isn't just women, because i used to disagree with a lot of women in there. but i don't seem to hold the same ideas as the majority who are currently posting in there, so i feel conspicuous. i am a bit too serious and not "fun".


Yes, me, too. The banter-y stuff is boring to me, I think because I *am* older and not used to living my life online. Okay, that sounds snottier than I mean it; I just tend to see a generational divide between those who post every waking moment online (and it's expected and lauded) and those who do not come from such a time.

Further, I don't tend to post in *any* section unless I feel I can contribute something meaningful or helpful or at least have a strong opinion about it. The Adult topics have left me very much "meh" in the last year or so.

I have no issues starting a thread if I want to, it's just that I'm not that into sharing unnecessarily (see first paragraph). I've lived a longer, more experienced life than some other members (at least how they present themselves online); I wonder if I'd ever have any questions about life where I'd need their perspective.


As per the bolded - I work on a computer all day long. WP allows me to not be bored to death every day.
And enjoying banter - well - that helps.
As another poster pointed out - unless you're hypersexual - it doesn't hold that much sway (since I am extremely badly - hence the posting).

As to the main topic: To be very honest there is not that much I can post openly about my sex life on there. Very few people I can relate too in that way on a serious discussion level. Most of the posters are men, hence a completely different experience. And most of the things normal for me are not normal for the majority of the population. I make people uncomfortable even when I only say a tiny bit - if they knew the actual stuff it would be way too much or too far for most of them. And starting my own topics would not solve that problem.

I would love to see more serious in depth topics from womens persceptives. I'd like to learn from their experiences. I realise it may not be applicable for me - but I think it would be great to learn. But many of them like me do not feel comfortable posting because they can't relate. And with many of us all over the place in terms of sexuality - that is understandable. Add to that the place mostly has men in it - many of them young men - and the constructs placed around sex, partilarly in regards to women discussing their sexual experiences - many of the women probably don't want to be judged badly or star in someone else's fantasy 3 hours later for that matter.

I've also been exceedingly busy lately - organizing multiple groups for various reasons, switching my work to part time, starting up a new venture, as well as running my current business and starting back to college soon. On top of other things necessary such as my research and personal stuff for myself and my community. Even though much of my work and research is done with technogolgy when I'm this busy it's not viable to be on there all the time.


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BlueMax
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28 Jan 2013, 11:51 pm

...if more women were interested in a man's perspective, I'm sure plenty would be more than willing to chime in. There'll likely be some playful ribbing along the way - but is that really so bad? Being serious all day is pretty dull. ;)



Kjas
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28 Jan 2013, 11:58 pm

BlueMax wrote:
...if more women were interested in a man's perspective, I'm sure plenty would be more than willing to chime in. There'll likely be some playful ribbing along the way - but is that really so bad? Being serious all day is pretty dull. ;)


I don't know about the other women here, but the men on the forum whose opinions I truly value, I will contact in private via PM for such a reason.
It's not that we don't value mens opinions, but not all opinions are helpful and if you know someone has a good head on their shoulders it's easier to do it in private with a subject like this.


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BlueMax
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29 Jan 2013, 12:18 am

Well, that's to be expected... but unless you're willing to send duplicate PM's to all your favorite, trusted men, you'll wind up with only a single opinion/perspective. If you want to ask a group of men how they think/feel/react to a given situation, WP will likely give more honest results than anywhere else!

It would seem there's an awful lot of assuming the worst of we men so our opinions aren't valued, even if they might be genuinely helpful now and then!

Yeah, there'll be a a few jokes here and there, plus the occasional idiot and/or jerk... it's easy enough to just enjoy the humour, ignore the crap and sift for the good (of which there should be plenty!) :D



MjrMajorMajor
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29 Jan 2013, 1:19 am

I made a meager start. :D



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29 Jan 2013, 1:33 am

I seldom post there because in the past when I did, there was always something wrong with my threads/posts. Just not a safe place for me to post fearing I may break a rule on accident or be misinterpreted there thinking I am trying to provoke people.


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29 Jan 2013, 9:48 am

Kjas wrote:
As to the main topic: To be very honest there is not that much I can post openly about my sex life on there. Very few people I can relate too in that way on a serious discussion level. Most of the posters are men, hence a completely different experience. And most of the things normal for me are not normal for the majority of the population. I make people uncomfortable even when I only say a tiny bit - if they knew the actual stuff it would be way too much or too far for most of them. And starting my own topics would not solve that problem.

I would love to see more serious in depth topics from womens persceptives. I'd like to learn from their experiences. I realise it may not be applicable for me - but I think it would be great to learn. But many of them like me do not feel comfortable posting because they can't relate. And with many of us all over the place in terms of sexuality - that is understandable. Add to that the place mostly has men in it - many of them young men - and the constructs placed around sex, partilarly in regards to women discussing their sexual experiences - many of the women probably don't want to be judged badly or star in someone else's fantasy 3 hours later for that matter.


Wouldn't it be better to try and change those constructs and show that ones sexuality does not have to fit into a predefined space? Also even if it may make some people uncomfortable it may be worth it in the long run.



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29 Jan 2013, 9:30 pm

MjrMajorMajor wrote:
I made a meager start. :D

I saw that! Kudos! *virtual high five*


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30 Jan 2013, 3:08 am

Strange enough even I havent posted as much lately there heh I should go back and post like mad.


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30 Jan 2013, 4:18 am

Quote:
or star in someone else's fantasy 3 hours later for that matter.


Yeah that. There's always a small fear that posting anything too detailed might end up tantalizing someone. I once got an unwanted PM after I made a post about oral sex (for some funny reason he took my post as some cue to start talking "intimately" with me).

I also have some male friends here and I really don't want them to read any graphic posts about my sexual functions. That would be awkward. Though I occasionally make a post or two when I'm buzzed on beer and just don't care.



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30 Jan 2013, 4:43 am

blue_bean wrote:
Quote:
or star in someone else's fantasy 3 hours later for that matter.


Yeah that. There's always a small fear that posting anything too detailed might end up tantalizing someone. I once got an unwanted PM after I made a post about oral sex (for some funny reason he took my post as some cue to start talking "intimately" with me).

I also have some male friends here and I really don't want them to read any graphic posts about my sexual functions. That would be awkward. Though I occasionally make a post or two when I'm buzzed on beer and just don't care.
If it makes you feel any better the same thing happens to me from time to time!


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30 Jan 2013, 6:29 am

thanks for your input, people. i just had wondered what was going on. there seemed to have been a shift in the membership as well, which happens periodically. sometimes there are tighter or looser groupings of people, and Adult is definitely an area that has more of a club-like feeling to it. so if some of those more prolific members tend to disperse, it changes the area drastically. right now, there just tends to be a gendered shift towards men in that section. probably we'll get some new people in there and it will all settle again.


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30 Jan 2013, 9:18 am

blue_bean wrote:
Yeah that. There's always a small fear that posting anything too detailed might end up tantalizing someone. I once got an unwanted PM after I made a post about oral sex (for some funny reason he took my post as some cue to start talking "intimately" with me).


I had something like that happen once (not here). It was on a S&M newsgroup. Someone posted asking about something and I mentioned a book I read that had info about that and then some guy from there e-mailed me coming on to me and wanting to be my slave despite not knowing what I looked like or anything about me other than that I read one book.



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31 Jan 2013, 2:07 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
I never did, sorry, irrelevant input :P

Were there a lot of women posting before, or perhaps a few women posting a lot, who no longer contribute so much to the forum in general? Just a thought.

I really think this was the case (where few women posted frequently, myself being one of them).

Btw, HI everyone! I took a break from the forum for a bit, but I am back.