Any female Aspies decided that motherhood is not for them?

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I knew at about 14 I didn't want any kids, and it wasn't "I don't want to pass my genes on". I just don't particularly like them. End of story

And I got the same as the rest of you -- Oh, you'll change your mind." Guess what? I didn't. I'm now 53, was going through perimenopause when I got a much needed hysterectomy back in November. So there's no chance now. And I couldn't be happier about it. I can barely take care of myself. Why would I think I could possibly care for a child?

^^^ this.

Still don´t know if I am an aspie, but think I decided as a teen, that I didn´t want kids. "If one day, I should want one", I thought, "it should be an older adoptive child". I never developed a deeper wish, and I was around 45 when I was touched by the sight of a baby for the very first time in my life.
I always felt strongly about animals and I couldn´t live without a fourlegged mate. I am owned by a big, fluffy, red tabby:)

I've known I havent wanted kids since I was 16 and so far I havent changed my mind. Not that I ever had a reasonable opportunity to have kids. I dont know why people dont take me seriously? I dont like kids, dont know what to do with them, like my personal space and silence, etc.

I think the wish for children is for a great part hormon based. As a child, with the relationship of my parents before my eyes, I never wanted to have children. So the existence of me and my sister forced my mom to stay in an abusive relationship, so having kids seemed to be a terrible thing for a woman. Teenieyears also were horrible, I tried to fit in when all the classmates started to have their first relationships, but failed horrible in every way. Noone that knew me, was interested in me, and the ones that didnt knew me lost interest, as soon as they knew me. When years after that I finally met my partner and got my lovehormondrugcocktail time, I suddenly had a deep wish for children, also dreamed about it and so on, but luckily I still was able to think that much that I simply knew, that having children with someone you yet dont really know, is a dumb idea. ^^ When the relationship to my partner became normal again, the wish for having children disappeared again and didnt come back for about a decade.

Yet around the last years, a coworker of mine got her two kids, then the sister in law had a kid, a good friend ob mine became mother, and a good friend of mine became father...so you are surrounded by little kids or their photos everywhere. And they are sooooooooooooo cute god damn it. XD Yes, even when they are crying, yelling, puking, drooling, demanding and having stinking pampers. XD God damn hormones. ^^

God, the pressure cracks me up. Human beings are just never satisfied.

Here you girls are-- You know what you want, and you've got people leaning on you left and right to make the other decision. "Oh, you'll be sorry someday." "So when are you going to have kids??" Blah, blah, blah.

Here I am-- Being a mother is all I ever wanted truly wanted. I never expected it to be roses-- I expected to do it. And when I bring up my particular issues and ask for advice, it's almost always, "Why in the hell did a broken f**ked-up ret*d like you have kids?!"

People are NEVER happy. It's like, what would really please them is to have everyone else be some kind of quick-change artist, jumping through flaming hoops like a circus poodle.

You should be able to not have kids, and not have to put up with any s**t about it.

I should be able to have kids, and have access to the same social support and forgiveness NT mothers enjoy. At least, I think they enjoy it. Maybe they don't, and their lives just look easier to me. One reads so much about social pressures and "Mommy Wars," after all...

WHAT IS SO FRACKING HARD ABOUT THIS?!?!?!?!?!

I had this discussion with some NT female friends of mine recently. A few of them have decided for whatever reason, that they don't want children and it seems that people want them to justify themselves?

When I was at uni, (20 / 21) I had a similar discussion. Basically, I've never had a boyfriend, have no plans to have one, let alone kids. Apparently, that makes me weird?

I'm not sure that children and Hyperacusis mix, either.

I even had that discussion with a highschool teacher. He SERIOUSLY thought, that women should have kids FOR THE SAKE OF SOCIETY, whether they want them or not!
Normally he was super, but half the class didn´t get him regarding that point of view.
Perhaps he feared for his pension

LOL

I can't believe the people who have the gall to judge other people's competency at parenting, and it's usually the ones who are not competent doing the judging. It creates this atmosphere of judgment no matter who you tell or don't tell. It's a personal issue and it's a hard limit for me.

Exactly the bolded text.

It's a personal issue. Whether to have kids-- personal issue. Whether to abort an unplanned pregnancy-- personal issue. How many kids to have-- personal issue. How to raise children assuming you choose to have them (within reason-- no child should be beaten or emotionally and mentally run into the ground, frankly, the way I've felt obligated to do with my kids for the last year or so, the way I f*****g REFUSE f*****g REFUSE f*****g REFUSE to do any more no matter how annoying or spoiled anyone else finds them)-- personal issue.

Personal. Individual. Naturally varies from Homo sapien to Homo sapien. NOT standardized.

Autistics are supposed to be the ones with black-and-white thinking issues, right??

So why is it that I get out of bed every morning, and struggle to think to myself, "It's a big world, girl. Live and let live. No such thing as perfect. Do your best and go to bed satisfied, most of the time." And then, every day that I interact with some other human being, I'm confronted with, "That's the wrong way. You are the wrong way. Live like I say live. Not good enough. Never be satisfied."

Aren't I supposed to be the one with black-and-white thinking issues?? Perfectionism issues??

Then why, every time I make a conscious decision to reject black-and-white thinking and perfectionism, am I slapped with them again????

Is this some freakin' perverse game???? Or does everyone actually want to live in a standardized world, provided it's standardized to their standard???

:facepalm:

I'm not even nurturing toward animals and doubt I'd be able to provide for children emotionally as a mother, but I don't think one or two in a good home later in life would be that bad when split between two parents. Ideally I'll stay without.

I have never wanted to be a mom. I don't like kids and they don't like me. When I was 24, I went to my gynecologist and begged for a hysterectomy. My "cycle" gives me horrible migraines and its gross. I figured it was a totally logical request since I knew I had no use for the organs. In my mind it was like having your wisdom teeth out or your tonsils removed. He told me it would be unethical to do that at that age and that I would surely change my mind. Well looky here doc, nearly 15 years later and I feel the same exact way. He could have spared me countless amounts of torture and the money I could have saved on tampons....ARGH!! !

I am a proud non-breeder!

I don't want kids and neither does my hubby.

Now where can I find friends like this who are like me? I really think I need to get out of the South.

I've known since I was very young (before the age of 10) that I don't want children.
I like them, I work with them, but raising them is just not for me.

The best comeback I've ever seen to "You'll change your mind" (it only works on people who are already parents) is "So what happens if you change your mind about your children?".

I think the human species would be long extinct if everybody questioned some things so much

I’m sorry if this sounds like one of those trite comments, but this thread saddens me a little. I’m sure you gals are sentencing a lot of good genes to going down the drain.

Last edited by Spiderpig on 19 May 2013, 7:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.