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y-pod
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28 Dec 2013, 9:25 am

I used to think I can't possibly stand them, but it changed. :D First I got used to them, second I have experienced a few unpleasant people who are simply much worse than just being different from me, that makes NT people seem very tame and tolerable. Keep thinking that people can be much worse than whoever you can't stand, then you'll feel OK about them.


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YourMajesty
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31 Dec 2013, 12:01 pm

It's somewhat difficult for me to connect with them. I don't find them interesting either… to be honest. I mean, the ones I currently know are literally ALL obsessed with dieting, fighting their own body, handsome men, their looks, other people, etc. They obsess constantly over some guy. It makes me want to be left alone because I really don't care about such things and to be honest, it all seems very shallow. So I guess I don't like stereotypical NT women, but same goes for men. Perhaps I don't like stereotypical people altogether ^_^



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03 Jan 2014, 5:19 am

Well... to say that they make me sick would be a very rough statement and generalising too.

I have never been able to relate to stereotypical, very feminine women. I don't have things in common with them. I am most happy when on my own, and when I can pursue my interests, and I'm not interested in make up, fashion, shopping, relationships, sex or raising a family. As a teenager I didn't use make up (now every now and then, when I go out or have an important meeting), and I was always busy with reading/studying about my favourite interests or sports. Well, that is completely fine, I don't think any more that it is any inferior than 'normal' activities. Identifying as an Aspie has helped me to realise I am very normal for someone with this kind of brain. :)

I saw some people saying that these stereotypical girls can be very ambitious - in that way I can relate, I've always been very competitive and ambitious. I certainly think I have a more masculine way of thinking: goal-oriented. I heard it is common in females with AS.

As a teenager I used to look down on other girls with other interests (a bit snobby like many teenagers are!) but I don't do that any more. Once you get to know people who look 'stereotypical' they can be very OK or nice. As a member of a political youth organisation I often had to go 'in disguise' (dressing and talking a bit like them). It is tiring, but a challenge and you can learn from it.

But when I can't stand a group conversation that is supposed to be for fun (like with fellow students), I let my thoughts drift away or walk away, and take a walk or go read a book. It needs to be fun for me as well! ;)



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03 Jan 2014, 5:25 am

Joe90 wrote:
I'm more of a ''get out of bed, get dressed, clean teeth, brush hair for 2 minutes and then out the door'' type of woman.


:D Haha, me too! Every now and then I feel a bit shabby in comparison with others, but usually not. It doesn't make me jealous of other women. I rather feel sorry for them for losing much time, money and energy on useless things and harassing others with perfume smell... ;)



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03 Jan 2014, 4:00 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I get jealous of other women. I find motivation of making an effort with my appearance really hard. I'm more of a ''get out of bed, get dressed, clean teeth, brush hair for 2 minutes and then out the door'' type of woman. I am not much of a ''get out of bed, spend half an hour in the bathroom, spend another half an hour in front of the mirror, spend another half an hour choosing what to wear by trying things on to see what goes with what and gyrating about in front of the mirror obsessing over how fat or thin I look in which clothes, rummaging through my collection of shoes to see which shoes goes with the clothes I am wearing, spend another 20 minutes arting my nails, spend another 20 minutes picking and matching the jewelry, another 10 checks in the mirror to look at my sparkling face, and then out the door'' type of woman. I just can't be bothered with all that. I just don't have the enthusiasm, and it's hard to make myself have the enthusiasm too. But at the same time, I am jealous of women who do have the enthusiasm and the motivation to happily make it part of their routine.


This is me all over too :lol:



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04 Jan 2014, 8:18 am

One thing I can't cope with when I am in the company of NT women is how much they like to talk about other people. I don't like it when the conversation gets too gossipy and they start criticizing somoene who isn't there to defend themselves. That's the point at which I get up and walk away. Aint no one got time for that.



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04 Jan 2014, 1:18 pm

hurtloam wrote:
One thing I can't cope with when I am in the company of NT women is how much they like to talk about other people. I don't like it when the conversation gets too gossipy and they start criticizing somoene who isn't there to defend themselves. That's the point at which I get up and walk away. Aint no one got time for that.


I find men do this more often or at least they don't realise I would judge them for it until it's too late. Either way, seems like NTs spend most of their time bitching about other people. It's so boring, apart from anything else.



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04 Jan 2014, 4:44 pm

You gals sound just as bad as the apparently horrible NT women you knock.

Especially as some here are undiagnosed, and it's possible you are just an NT yourself.

Some people gossip, some don't. It's not an NT trait. Just a personality trait that anyone can possess.

....



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06 Jan 2014, 2:24 am

When I was a teenager I used to use make-up but as I got older all the trick's in the book made me look even older so I do not use make-up. NT women tell me I am pretty and have great skin. I don't see it but I always say thank you.

One of my friend's is a beautiful, proper, very feminine English woman who is also down to earth and easy to get along with. I like English people because they don't beat around the bush, they are up front with their opinion's and therefore easy to figure out.

When I stopped thinking competitively and in a jealous way I began to relax and be my comfortable self. I figure if people don't bother to get to know me but don't like me based on an ill education then I don't bother to care about their opinion's and I go on with my merry life.

I have two rules I live by and always remind myself of when dealing with other people whoever they may be. These especially work with the type of women you are speaking of. #1 If they are nice to me and treat me well I do the same for them. #2 I do not know the complete history or background of any one person. I do not know their struggles and victories or what has shaped their lives. I do not judge them based on this opinion. If they are good to me I am good to them.



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06 Jan 2014, 10:14 pm

Yes, just thinking about them makes me break out into itchy red boils. Okay, that was a mild exaggeration, but I've mentioned I don't know how many times before how much I can't stand them. :evil:



melmaclorelai
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10 Jan 2014, 4:55 am

I used to harbour some very negative feelings towards them when I was younger for a couple of reasons. I had nothing in common with them which made conversation boring and difficult and I absolutely hated the immense amount of pressure that I received to be like them. I don't pay much attention to them now.


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11 Jan 2014, 8:40 am

All people have something about them that you can call positive, so I get on with most folks. But there are the odd moments when I'm in a room full of women (ok maybe 5 women and me) and they start talking about their favourite movies. They tend to be rom coms and Richard Curtis films with awful story lines and bad dialogue. And I can't participate with enthusiasm. I feel like my obscure tastes make me not fit in.

Now seriously who is the better protagonist: Bridget Jones or Sarah Connor. Bridget Jone's defining moment is running after a man in her pants. Sarah Connor crushes the Terminator. Sarah wins hands down.



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11 Jan 2014, 11:33 am

YourMajesty wrote:
It's somewhat difficult for me to connect with them. I don't find them interesting either… to be honest. I mean, the ones I currently know are literally ALL obsessed with dieting, fighting their own body, handsome men, their looks, other people, etc. They obsess constantly over some guy. It makes me want to be left alone because I really don't care about such things and to be honest, it all seems very shallow. So I guess I don't like stereotypical NT women, but same goes for men. Perhaps I don't like stereotypical people altogether ^_^


I don't get those types, either. :scratch:

The NT women I spend time around love things like science, sci-fi, children's films, animals, English, Harry Potter, teaching, and literature in addition to anything having to do with fashion, food, and shopping.



Acedia
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12 Jan 2014, 1:52 am

hurtloam wrote:
They tend to be rom coms and Richard Curtis films with awful story lines and bad dialogue. And I can't participate with enthusiasm. I feel like my obscure tastes make me not fit in.


Surely there must be some women around you who have similar tastes. I always find at least one person who shares some of my interests. What are your obscure tastes?



hurtloam
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12 Jan 2014, 9:21 am

Oh man ask me about my favourite things and I won't shut up :D

I'm really getting into The Bridge at the moment - the original Swedish/Danish version.

My favourite film is a bit girly, but's not one people have usually heard of, but I highly recommend it for its quirkyness. Waitress is about this waitress who deals with stress by making these wonderfully obscure pies. She's saving up money to escape from her abusive husband, but discovers at the beginning of the film that she's pregnant and that confuses all her plans. It sounds dark, but it is a really sweet film with a non stereotypical ending.

I love Stranger than Fiction stars Will Ferrel as a man who discovers he's the protagonist in a novel and finds out that the writer is going to kill him off so he has to find her before she pens the final words.

I was a bit obsessed with Blade Runner for a while. Is Deckard a replicant? It sort of makes more sense if he is. I've watched various edits on youtube and there's loads of odd theories out there about the film. Ridley Scott is pro replicant, Harrison Ford thinks he wasn't a replicant.

I mean, I'm not exactly cultured am I? But I feel different and trapped and not normal. I wish I could enjoy more mainstream things and fit in better.

I know a few women like me that have broad horizons, but they don't live near me and I find it hard to meet up with them. There are a couple of women I particularly like. They are very down to earth and just all round good people, never play games, always there for people. Yeah good folks exist, I'm just rubbish at friendships.



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13 Jan 2014, 2:55 am

hurtloam wrote:
My favourite film is a bit girly, but's not one people have usually heard of, but I highly recommend it for its quirkyness. Waitress is about this waitress who deals with stress by making these wonderfully obscure pies. She's saving up money to escape from her abusive husband, but discovers at the beginning of the film that she's pregnant and that confuses all her plans. It sounds dark, but it is a really sweet film with a non stereotypical ending.

I like this movie too. Keri Russell was great in it. There's also a new tv show with her called The Americans. Have you seen it, by any chance?