Women and "games"... do Aspie women do this too?

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O.K. but your posts have just relegated all female negative reactions in courting as some sort of sexual initiative. At that point it becomes O.K. for the man to say that, "She really Doesn't know what she wants. She wants me."

From what I gather, I have a lot of more typically-male psychological traits: subtlety is often lost on me, and I hate it when people will not say outright when something is bothering them or they want something from me... I don't take "hints" well, lol! It can cause problems for me because people assume that being female I will pick up on stuff but I really don't-- I think this is part of why I have mostly male friends, they tend to just say outright when they are angry or want something.

I really should have made my handle 1402b grrr.
I'm not surprised that you were offended, I find it very offensive to hear people accuse others of playing games with them simply because they didn't get what they wanted and especially in the arena of relationships and courting which is way too complex to relegate all behavior as "game playing with my heart!" I am especially annoyed with guys doing this.
- I didn't cover all gaming stuff that I know about even, neither did I cover marriage, child rearing, nor where couples should vacation. I don't understand you saying "there's no way out." Out of what? "You have made my life miserable & you need to get T.F. away from me."? That is oh such a different topic, I didn't cover divorce either, nor careers, nor places to live. That doesn't mean you can't do those things.
- OP stated that she'd prefer to talk about women's "game playing" so I did.
- I wrote my post from "my viewpoint of what really happens" in some courting situations as a lead-in to how annoying self centered god's-gift-to-women, guy dumb-f*cks that seem to naturally assume that any woman that doesn't chase them to bed is a game playing lezbo.
- My "Game" statements are me regurgitating their self-righteous sputum of their analysis of what "went wrong" with their perfect approach to dating women.
- I view the use of the word "Game" with regards to courtship as an outright accusation of evil doing. Some do, most don't.
- I was attempting to demonstrate that people (and since we were discussing women) women, "play games" a lot less often than many people think.
- I was attempting to show how normal and biologically responsible behavior could be seen as "game playing" to the ignorant.
- Everyone will be misunderstood sometime or another, doesn't make it true.


Absolutely not, testosterone is a crazy and powerful substance, it increases their sex drive and sometimes -especially on borderline decisions- it can produce the deciding vote, but men don't let it turn them into rapists.
Women (females) have a long historical biological drive to evaluate potential mates BEFORE leaping into the sack with them, yes, you're right, women CAN resist this urge and start screwing without even guessing how tall the guy is.
But men must understand that women have just as strong an urge to evaluate a mate PRIOR to sex, as men have the urge to have sex. She's not simply being a b*tch.

What part of "test his breeding fitness" don't you understand?
It's your test, you can do a pass or fail in one tenth of a second if you want, that DOES NOT make you game playin', heart breakin', man hatin', b*tch!
It's your test you can write the "questions" anyway you wish, you can "fail" him on "fitness" to you on the color of his hair, if he smokes, or is too short, or lives with his mom, or his shirt's the wrong color for a Tuesday, or even it he's a passive aggressive childish man. Neither I nor any other man has any appropriateness trying to say your test for you is flawed.

Can you hear what I'm saying?

Last edited by 1401b on 13 Mar 2014, 11:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

And you're cute so they'll forgive you almost anything anyway. hehe

I think its an NT woman thing! They like to play games and dont know what they want and they like to lead a guy on to just push him away for their own amusement!

@ 140lb
Either my eyes deceived me last night or you edited this phrase,", that DOES NOT make you game playin', heart breakin', man hatin', b*tch! " The word I'm sure you originally used was 'Lezbo" & not B*tch.
It was smart of you to change that lil' slip up, cuz it's that kind of offhanded B.S. that passes these days for thinking. You would never get away with that kind of phraseology, pejorative condensation, & border line hate speech if your reference was to 'men'. You would be called on it instantly.

Sorry, but you lost all cred. with me after that.
Please continue patting the 'Good Girls' on the head. It just fits.

I don't understand the games either, and wonder whether they are part of the reason so many couples end up getting divorced because in my opinion games are pretty manipulative and not honest; manipulation and dishonesty do not indicate a trusting loving relationship. I am in a relationship and I am happy that our relationship feels game-free.

I would not say that men never play these games, of course some probably do, however from my experience of my female friends talking about their relationships and the games they set out for men, I notice that only my female friends seem to do this; none of my male friends appear to play games which is why I agree with what Onewithwings said about finding men easier to deal with as friends. I have both male and female friends, however I definitely find that my male friends cause me much less stress as they tend to be straight with me and say what they mean.

I do sometimes worry though that males in the past have thought I was leading them on or playing a 'hard to get' game. The reason for this is because if really like a guy I have a tendency to get obsessed with him, and I also really want him to like me. I am aware that appearing obsessed with someone could very well freak that person out, therefore I can end up acting not interested in my attempt to cover up my obsession, or maybe confusing in my appearing interested one minute and not interested the next, because I find it really hard to just act appropriately interested OR, I have worried in retrospect that a guy I just liked as a friend thought I was leading him on, because if someone is friendly to me, I am friendly back because I want to be their friend. But sometimes I have not realised that the guy was being friendly to me just because he wanted me as his girlfriend, and then he has got offended by me being so friendly, because he felt I was leading him on. But in my mind, I get offended by these guys who have dropped me as a friend as soon as they realised I wasn't interested in them romantically, because to me, I was interested in their friendship and thought we were friends.

I'm glad that your male friends openly talk about their feelings, because mine don't. It is expected with some of them that we rely on interpreting actions, because "real men are men of action". I could think of countless examples where men communicate in an indirect fashion. Some men, instead of telling me they want sex/a relationship from me, they pretend to be a friend and then blame me when I supposedly lead them on and did not pick up on them not wanting my friendship. If they were upfront about their desires this wouldn't be an issue. It feels decietful. I don't have time for anyone who cannot speak to me openly, honestly, directly. The core friends I do associate with play no games regardless of gender. It is all about who you choose to associate with.

No, I do not innately understand the 'games'. I have put in quite a bit of effort to intellectually learn how to recognise such games.

Because all of humanity is on a spectrum, nothing is as simple as either being/not being NT.

I think some of these "games" you refer to depend upon what the individual learned re: romantic relationships in one's culture and family of origin. I think people who are not NT have added challenges; what I perceive as a game, someone else may have intended as open communication.

Many of the specific behaviors you refer to as "games" make no sense to me. However, it's probably worth noting that most of society's "conventions" make no sense to me. Health and safety, public good, I understand. Societal convention is subjective, and all about posturing for the purpose of gaining and maintaining "status".

Take, for example, the supposed prohibition against having sex on the first date. If I like a man and want to have sex with him, I don't think it's wrong to have sex on the first date. To even get to the point of having a first date, I had to know the guy for a while and then I had to think about it for a while. Not only that, but if said date didn't go well, we wouldn't even have been in a situation where sex was a possibility.

However, I have looked at my boyfriends outgoing/incoming calls and text messages, facebook, and email. I had reason to, and I confronted him with what I found. I don't throw it in his face now, though.

Don't fool yourself: men have their BS, too. It looks different than women's, but it exists nevertheless. I prefer their company to that of most women because I understand men's BS much better than I understand that of women, and--being female--am also not subject to most of it.

Okay, you really confused me here. I do not get this. I'm referring to your entire post (I did cut a bit because it was super long). As far as I am concerned, a relationship starts and ends with: do I like you ? do you like me? do we get along? Yes, good. No, nice meeting you. I don't understand the games. If I like someone, I will ask them out. If they like me, they say yes. Or vice versa. What? You have an ex you still talk to? Me too! Wanna set up a meet up lunch? *buddies for life*
I'm 36 and it's worked out well so far...

I don't play those sorts of games either. The only 'game' I play is "Trying Very Hard Not To Be Creepy", which I'm not sure really counts as a game.

Women and men a like who play such games are not people worth even being with in the first place. When I notice someone is trying to "play games" that makes me loose are interest in them in terms of a relationship. Life is too short to deal with adults with the mindset of teenagers.

This has happened for me too. I learned the hard way not to appear too keen but then later I decided that my Mr Right wouldn't be freaked out by me falling in love with him very quickly. If he was then he wasn't my Mr Right so nothing lost

The man I'm with now had a massive crush on me all through high school so he wasn't scared off by my obsessiveness since he's obsessive too I don't think there's any other man who would put up with me

This might be the case in the "playing hard to get" category, but things like asking "Does this outfit make me look fat?" and then getting mad when your partner says anything that smacks of "Yes", or getting angry because he forgot your anniversary when you've only been dating for 6 weeks -- that kind of stuff is bull$#!+. And if you're so insecure that you have to call your guy 10 times a day "just to say I love you!", or are constantly digging through his pockets, phone and email for notes from other women -- even though every other search has turned up nothing -- you're just wacked, and need to work on your trust issues.