How do you handle fellow women's gossip?

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I have a friend who seems to have several interests in common with me. She raises her child in the same manner and everything... but she gossips A LOT. She always starts off by saying, 'Don't tell anyone this but-' Then I sit there and remain completely quiet. Half the time I zone out when she's saying it. My response is always 'Don't worry, I have no one to tell'.

I find it fascinating that she hasn't picked up that I don't respond, or if she has noticed- then why does she keep on doing it? And hasn't she noticed that I don't ever have any gossip to share with her? She always thinks I'm holding out on some juicy info but in reality- I just don't have any gossip.

To me, it depends on the type of gossip, if that makes any sense. Office gossip (or gossip anywhere where one is forced to play at interpersonal politics) can be occasionally useful. Sometimes it is not, but occasionally it is.

"Oh my god, is Susan so stupid she thinks that outfit actually matches?!" is catty but somewhat informative. On the surface, it seems pointless and inane... but when someone deliberately chooses to complain over what on the surface are unimportant trifles, there's generally something deeper going on there. If Susan is a friend of yours, it serves to inform you that the speaker dislikes Susan and is scrounging for social allies. Perhaps Susan should be told. If Susan is an enemy of yours, it is gratifying to know that you are not the only one who is taking note of her flaws. If you play your cards right, you can use this person to cause Susan much deserved difficulty without getting your own hands dirty. If Susan is neither a friend nor an enemy, the information that the speaker has a beef with Susan ought to be filed away for later use. (Perhaps the speaker is having a bad day. Perhaps the speaker is a b***h in general. Perhaps she's got a deserved beef with Susan. Form your hypothesis, and watch for further developments. hehe.)

"I heard that Jessica's having serious problems with her husband." reveals that Jessica is quite possibly in no mood to hear positive comments about marriage, romance, or men in general at the moment, so now's probably not a good time to hold forth on those topics.

"Hey, did you hear? Jack's managed to get a date with that new babe down in marketing!" is largely pointless, imo. Drama might result later, if Jack or the woman are already married or whatnot, but for now... *shrugs*

that's why I always talk to men Now that I am older it is not such a big deal anymore, gossip still goes on but truthfully I am home so much and I don't go out that much so I am not as exposed to it as I used to be. When I did work outside the home though I had lots of trouble with it and was never very popular, but I can't stand senseless gossip and I can't keep my mouth shut so I would always tell the person they were full of it. But like I said before I usually always talk to men which made it worse, women always think I am hitting on their boys/husbands. Which is stupid, my husband is usually always with me (we used to work at the same place). I am attractive enough but come on! I am 35 and married with kids! I wouldn't have time for an affair even if I wanted to!

Men gossiping is just as hurtful.

Women tend to do it out of jealousy, men are just a***holes.

good point

First off, thanks for all the responses. I find it encouraging that others see it in a similar light.

The last couple months, I have been using the tactic of changing the subject on the gossiping group. For example, I'll state that I would love to find a good recipe for lasagna. It's worked so far by giving them a different topic to discuss and is far more interesting hearing them discuss the best noodles over idle gossip.

Regarding the comment on male gossip, OH SO TRUE. I had a male boss in an accounting department where it got so bad that we didn't talk other than through email. He got the worse of me when for some reason he wrote in an email, "Am I getting old and losing my mind, or did we have a meeting with Vendor X?" I wrote back and stated that the meeting was last week. Regarding the other statement/question, the answer is yes to both. I ended up quitting the job a few weeks later and flew to Greece.