Bras - Offensive Comment?

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Exactly. I'm no going to be a nudist any time soon but I think a little bouncing shouldn't be a big deal.

Men are going to become sexually aroused by you no matter what you wear. Just wear what you feel comfortable in.

There are a lot of things I don?t get at all about this kind of situations. I?ve learned by now that the sort of comments like the one the OP received are usually offensive, but that?s all. Most of the time, I wouldn?t even be able to tell why. However ?

I?ve never actually said anything like that to anyone, but it looks uncomfortably like the kind of social blunder I?d make if I somehow believed I was expected to say something, as if otherwise the woman bringing up her own breasts would think I?m oblivious to how nice they are, and this could insult her. Ignorance leads easily to ?damned if you do, damned if you don?t situations?.



Well, that one is easy. No. It means that, if your concept of friendship involves the person not noticing you are a sexual being and not finding your body pleasant, then you very much can?t have heterosexual male friends.

What does it mean to look at a woman non-sexually anyway? Not realizing she has breasts? Not noticing any of her feminine features? It?s easy to avoid inappropriate comments like the one you received?once you know they are inappropriate anyway, though this is probably easier for neurotypicals?but that doesn?t mean you?re not perceived as a woman.



I think that depends a lot on the particular straight guys at hand.



Or they?ve learned early in their lives that somehow their masculinity will be questioned if they don?t respond in a way that makes it clear they like your breasts or whatever part of a woman?s body is brought into consideration. I don?t know if neurotypical men are hardwired that way, but I patently am not, because I had to learn this in order to find an explanation for what seemed at first a very odd behavior in others and which never felt natural at all to practise myself.

In fact, if I actually had a few seconds to think what I?m about to say, I doubt I?d say something like ?I thank you for it?, because I don?t think anyone is doing me a favor by parading in front of me something desirable that I can?t have. It?d make me feel even more like a pathetic loser, and I?d expect the comment to be taken accordingly.



Am I the only one to think those situations could be fixed by hanging out with the same guy you have sex with?

Otherwise, no problem as long as that the same thing he wants, but, if, unlike you, he doesn?t have a sexual partner, perhaps he could make better use of that time by doing something that might actually lead him to find one. It shouldn?t be a surprise that he is less interested than you in keeping things the way they are. Of course, this also means he shouldn?t fool himself into thinking he still has a chance with you, and it?s no excuse for acting inappropriately towards you.



I have some trouble understanding this. Do they really have to restrain themselves not to do it? Wouldn?t they actually have to force themselves to do it? I?m not used at all to thinking of those things as something spontaneous that one has to suppress. On the flipside, it?d be hard for me to consider a woman an actual friend if I can?t have enough confidence with her to tell her how much I like her physically. This doesn?t mean I wouldn?t respect her boundaries, but if these were to exclude such comments, I think we?d have too little in common to warrant the term friends.

I think this is most likely what is occurring in my situation. My friend made another comment yesterday which I thought was also ill chosen - I was talking about my friend who has just undergone breast reduction surgery due to back trouble. When I mentioned the reduction he said, "that's a shame" and smirked. This was not so much offensive as sad - that he has to take such a moment to assure me that he is heterosexual. For heaven's sake, I get it - you like breasts. Perhaps this is his way of trying to create intimacy between us. I hope he gives up on this soon.

And yes I know I should be having more of a relationship with the guy I am having sex with - thing is we just don't have that much to talk about. I should move on, but he's a good friend to me. Believe I would love to have a partner with whom I could actually share my life and not just my body.

to op. I don't know. I wouldn't have said such a thing. I may have thought it possible, but I also make an effort not to look at my friends boobs. I don't have an idea of why he might have said it, doesn't seem like an appropriate thing to say.

what?!?!?!? o.O generalising men much? we are all just thinking sex all the time. or seeing bra as just someting that has to be taken off or wanting women to run around nude all the time.

actually I quite enjoy outfits women pick out. they can be cute, and also some can be more sexy then just being nude would be.
guys can be friends with women. I like my women friends. women tend to be more emotional and supportive then guys. I like talking to them more, but tend to do more activities with guys. not so say there aren't women kinda friends that I know that I have sexual thoughts about, I just don't express them outloud and try to push the thoughts aside. I don't see any relationship coming from those women, but I still talk to them.



true. boobs in a bra are still boobs, and often poke out even more then they might without bras. the only point to bras are cause it can help support them and make it more comfortable, but if they don't then I don't see a reason to wear them.
though I don't wear fashionalbe things myself, rather choosing stuff i find comfortable. like my military boots.

I wish I understood even a fraction of the fuss people make about boobs. Yes, they are nice. Yes, women have them. Yes, if a female friend?and I really mean friend?hugs you enthusiastically, it feels great when she presses them against you. So what? By the way, if she didn?t have breasts, she presumably wouldn?t be a woman, so ?she? would be an entirely different person. At least, one of ?her? chromosomes would be different.

This is the most insensitive comment I've read on this forum.

Any chance of an explanation about how it is insensitive?

Sure . . . what about a woman whose had a mastectomy; is she no longer a woman? You are defining a woman by one part of her body.

When I said ?if she didn?t have breasts?, I didn?t mean she shouldn?t be considered a woman anymore if she were to lose them, or if some accident during her gestation had prevented her from developing them; I?m talking about how different ?she? would have to be to naturally and without health complications have never developed them. I know there are all the rare cases you can think about, but, by a big margin, most of the time, the people who fit this description are men. My point was basically that being a man or a woman?in the strictly physical sense?is an integral part of what makes a person be who they are. I mentioned breasts because that?s the last thing we were talking about, and anything regarding them seems particularly sensitive, as the answer I got sort of confirms. I was hoping, however, that the context I provided, and which WeeYank left out of the quote, would make my meaning clear, particularly the mention of chromosomes, because these don?t change simply because you lose a part of your body.