Have you felt alienated/discounted by the autistic men here?

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I am very concerned about this, after my experiences on this forum. When I first looked it up I was happy to find there was an autism/ADD meet-up in my area, that I might finally have a chance to get to know some like-minded individuals in person and make some friends IRL in my city, but when I went to the page and saw it was all men I thought about my conversations here and it made me not want to go because I felt like it would be too risky, like there would be too much of a chance that I would end up extremely uncomfortable and unwelcome there like I feel when I try to express myself here. Or worse, they would all just try to get in my pants or completely disregard me and my experience with autism because I'm a woman and not be able to talk to me like I'm a person with challenges like them.

Well, who knows. In my case, they were younger autistic men and seemed to spark competition in each other. I have found myself uncomfortable in groups of "normal" men too, so I think it's a guy thing rather than an autism thing. Ideally a support group for those on the spectrum would include an even balance of genders so as to make it not as much of an issue.
May as well give it a try, you can always leave.

I am afraid to. I have been so disheartened by my experiences here with autistic men, I am actually afraid to try to meet any in person.

Well, even if it's a bad experience, that doesn't mean they all will be. What do you know about this meetup group?

Having run an autism support group for a number of years, I can tell you that what you're proposing would limit your group to about 2-4 people at any given time, especially in the beginning, as the turnout is overwhelmingly male. Unfortunately, the OP is probably right about being uncomfortable at such an event, as when I was running my group it was a constant struggle to make any women who showed up comfortable and keep the handful of truly inappropriate guys away from them, though I must add that said guys were inappropriate for reasons other than the ones I imagine she suspects, obliviousness to social protocols rather than sexism. Basically, the same guys who would creep out women at these meetings were also likely to creep out minorities with inappropriate questions and observations as they simply didn't know any better, rather than possessing some more sinister motives. I'd say go anyways, if the group has a good organizer they're likely aware of the potential problems and have taken steps to address them, or even, as eventually my group did, form a separate womens group, which only became possible once enough women started coming in the first place to justify it, a bit of a catch-22.

Have you had much luck with your social justice activism coupled with branding skeptics bigots on non-autistic forums?

Actually, here's a fun little experiment for you; go back through the threads in PPR a bit and find the male social justice and feminism supporters, there's been more than a few here over the years, and see how they were received. I think, if you assess the evidence honestly, you'll see that the problem is not your gender, it's what you're pushing and how you're going about it.

I haven't been invalidated by anyone personally. It just seems like I always see posts in Love and Dating that say things like, "if you're a girl you will get approached by guys no matter how shy/awkward you are." It does feel a invalidating, frustrating and depressing because this isn't true at all, at least in my experience. Maybe I'm just not desirable like other autistic women are.

Last edited by slw1990 on 28 Dec 2015, 6:10 pm, edited 2 times in total.

In general, I do think it is easier for men than women. Also, the "creepy" guys, they are pretty much just socially inept. And I think it is okay for the guys who cannot get a date to share the pain of it here. If not here, where?

I so hope that you DO pursue Autistic groups. I enjoy the male members. There are more males than females. But sometimes females will show up that you click with, and it feels SO GOOD. And you would have something in common to talk about. The annoying guys. [sorry guys, I do love you]

there are at least as many supportive guys here as denigrators. it's human nature to respond more strongly to negative stimuli than positive ones. keep that in mind when you characterize something.

Years ago I was accused of playing games and being told it was my fault how my first ex ignored me because I wouldn't have sex with him anymore and they wouldn't understand how it was too hot for me and how uncomfortable it is to have sweaty sticky skin against mine. It wasn't some lame excuse to not have it, it was a sensory thing so I would think autistic men would understand that but apparently not. Not all of us can understand each other that is autism related or sensory related because we are all different so how can we all understand if we have never experienced that particular issue?

Also when I said about waiting six months to have sex, some men here saw that as me playing a mind game and I was like WTF, just when is wanting to keep myself from being used playing a game? Then they would tell me I would have to let the guy know that so they wouldn't think I am playing games.

I'm not interested in speaking with you, thanks. You can post in my threads if you want to, but I will not respond to your comments after this.

waiting six months before making a commitment is just common sense. if you view sex as a commitment, waiting six months lines up well with what counselors recommend. it protects the guy, too. he won't be as likely to go head over heals about an inappropriate partner.

I know exactly what you mean, and feeling invalidated like that is awful. I already experience this kind of invalidation and lack of understanding from NT people all the time, I was hoping to not have to deal with the same s**t here. It's so disheartening.

I would never have guessed that you filter out people who tell you things you don't want to hear.

I'm not interested in speaking with you, thanks.

And you're doing a fantastic job of ignoring me. Who says I'm even talking to you? Perhaps I'm simply using quotes of you to prove a greater point, which you're very helpfully assisting me in.