The ultimate question

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I never really get to that "animalistic" level with a guy unless he's passed the other tests first.... and those are heavily based on similarity, personal compatibility, mental stability, and intellect.

Ok, so now that that stupid freeze is over...

Well, then again that is one of the pluses of being a woman - for one not
having burden of initiation and also not having the risk of being seen as
scary or predatory (I don't get that lots but as most of us are I do
neurologically and expressively look different which of course you can just
sense is instant shut-down). Not saying the pluses go all the way around but I could say
that a lot of the pickiness you've noticed with me is maybe 50/50 - part me
trying to find the right road but part of that evaluation is "could they
stand my superficial differences?" and the answer that last part is they
could be polite about em but it would be at the loss of all else.



Point well taken and yeah, right now I feel like I'm settling back into
apathy mode pretty well (mainly on account of looking in the mirror and
getting my reality straightened away with whoever the heck it is I think I
am internally). The creepiest thing I've noticed in the last few days is
with constantly being in hotel rooms, away from home, and away from people
who can relate to the things that I used to love about myself so much - I
almost feel like my identity is almost fading out into a state of conformity
and its almost like my emotions are becoming more economic about my
interests and just what they are and aren't fetching me in life (maybe you
can only go 10 years of being all out about something as well before it just
starts to fade - hard to say). If that did happen and I became 'run of the
mill' I can't tell if that would be a selling point or one more lack there
of to add to my list but oh well, if it bugs me I just need to find a way
around the obstacles of feeling like there's no way of enjoying what I do
like without having the even greater annoyance of other people crying about
it.



Until then I really need to do whatever there is in my power not to think
and rather just try to live life and innovate myself in whatever ways I can
just so that I feel like I'm keeping with the world rather than having it
run out ahead of me. Picking up my nonverbals and getting them to look more
like everyone elses is a game I've tried and tried at for years to little
avail - but then again it really seems like my only prayer in hell so I really can't stop,
part of that is even job security and other things. Not having that locked though
rules out my ability to directly control things, kinda why I wanted to cement a good
knowledge of the 'real' deal - just so hopefully if I really do need to change certain
mental core processes to have an outward change in my gestalt that makes me
a bit less creepy and 'different' in how I look or vibe up. Still, I'd imagine this whole
battle is something that so much of us are really stuck with and really, I feel it for
everyone here who's trying to deal with that sharp external/internal sort of conflict
because they're watching their lives slip away.

freeze? i'm sorry but i don't understand what it refers to?




i watched mozart and the whale last week, there i also noticed that girls/women might seem 'charming' and boys/men 'a bit lost', so that the boy would have difficulties to get closer to women and the girl has difficulties because she is often approached by men (or even raped). seen as that AS is really unfair for both women and men.
i had (and still have occasionaly) men asking me to come to drink tea at their place and i never knew they might have been up to more, fortunately never encountered dangerous men, although a few have been mad if they understood i only came for the tea, and most never spoke to me afterwards. so i now try to avoid being alone with men, but it so difficult to tell if they are just seeking some friendship, or should i just suppose that no friendship with men is possible?!?

i learned only last week (in a course about semantical interpretation of sentences) that if people say "that you can come and visit them sometimes" that this is a polite sentense, meaning that they are friendly to you but not that you actually have to go and see them (which i have done a lot in fact)

don't know what your movements are or what impression you give, i really look a lot like the 'mozart'-girl,
my husband told me at least three times. it was special i must say; i wouldn't mind to see a sequel to it or so.




i don't understand the second part here
being away can get me quite lonely and often overwelmed, to save me i tend to buy some pencils, a little bit of paint and a small canvas. maybe some headphones and your computer can do the same?
don't be afraid, you won't lose you personality, it's only temporary, i used to freak out on that one too, but your own self is almost undestroyable, people may even talk in to you for years, whenever this tension is over you're still there, under some layers of dust perhaps but intact




well, i watched society for more than ten years before i found a way to participate (finally, being a teacher appears to be a very natural thing for me) so i had it more in the job-thing and less in the relation-thing (although there have been years i didn't understand a thing of my relation either, or maybe i failed to understand myself?)
sometimes i wonder how much i understood the impact of my actions on people, because even if you observe yourself introspectively, i don't know whether it gives a thruthful result.
but if you got an innovating spirit, it'll lead somewhere interesting anyway. (improving yourself is a good quality, in my opinion)

i feel that my life is like sailing on an unpredictable sea, found a lot of stability though and i'm pretty relaxed after all these years.
if only i'd manage to sell paintings too (never really tried but do not know how i should do it either, might try something this summer), it probably would be perfect, or at least as perfect as possible (cause i still have a list of many impossible things to have/do/achieve/...)

funny what you say about the creepy-aspect, i have a few (woman)friends who always used to fall in love with creepy man but really creepy that is (not just 'looking' creepy cause that might still be cool, synonyme of not boring etc)


and maybe the answer is nothing else than " 42 "
so long and thanks for all the fish !

I probably tried to post this to you like 3 times over the course of Thursday but it was in debug mode - didn't look like anyone else was having much luck posting anything either. I ended up copying this reply and pasting it in an email to myself so I could get it through when WP was ready to take on new posts again.





Well, lost is at least if your lucky - otherwise if your kinda weird looking but seem to be well aware of your surroundings that ends up coming out in a whole different light which is far from cute or fuzzy.



I think if their in your age group, don't have strong mutual insterests, don't have a significant other, and epecially when they seem far more interested in you and threading the situation along toward some end rather than just chatting with you just for the sake of it you can tell something is up. When people are sales-y and almost try to sweep your personality under the rug or work their way around it then its a real quick indicator that you want to start trying for a way to bring your husband into the topics of conversation.



I'm kinda bad with that myself to the extent that I'm quite often the guy saying to someone in the moment or because I'm drunk and I thought they were kinda cool "Yo, you should stop over some time and play cards with us" or "Hey, stop over sometime and we could work on some beats" - and the next day I could care less or almost kinda hope they don't (though if I hope they don't its something I find out from another friend after the fact that they were being rude to certain people or raking up some other drama that I just didn't have the chance to witness at the time from their perspective).



I just feel like I've got a real eerie look about me, I think that's what happens to most guys though who have this but don't have the cute little 'absent minded professor' psychology going on.



Well, there wasn't supposed to be a second half - that's just an error from copying and pasting. I'm not really afraid, just that these sort of changes have been going on with me progressively for a long time. Whats starting to sink into my acceptance of life is that I am a monster, I do look like I'm ret*d, and that might sound completely insane to you but I realize I'm stuck in a world where a person's genetics really determine their worth as a person or their acceptability as a person and I'm sort of that odd experiment where I've tried everything I could to develop my personality to the best of my ability just to find out that exterior reigns over interior on anything that's not either coworker relationship or something with absolute zero risk of turning into interest (which if people even think I'm pressing boundaries far they'll subtly let me know). I think realizing that my interest and feel for music will not only have no validity since a lot of the people who do make it in that scene as producers are some seriously cocky basic-minded individuals (not all but at least some of the U.S. producers seem like they'd be the types to just take one look at me and be like "Your not cool enough" - pathetic, highschool, it surprised me too but whatever) that and there's the aspect that almost anyone around me doesn't want to listen to it. People who are into what I'm into even, you see their friends accepting them as people but the fact that they like that music - the fact that they like them doesn't open their tolerance, it's more or less a strike against that person's conformity and one they really try to forget about just because they think that person is pretty cool otherwise. My point I guess being that I'm really getting tired of feeling all those intense emotions that it seems like absolutely no one else can relate to and if anything when viewing it superficially it just gets filtered through general stupidity all too often and makes more of a case that I'm not all there. There's only so much drive you can have I think before spinning your tires and going nowhere just tires you out too much.





I'm about that but being that I've got at it real hard for about the past 6 or 7 years I'm almost at that point where I need to take a vacation from it and just let myself live and breath with little thought to much else. Once I don't feel like my brain's completely fried and like I've got some vitality back it me I also might have some better angles to throw at it since I'll have a few more years of life experience under my belt.



Yeah, life itself just seems to be a lot of psychobabble - and so much of our intellect is built to hide and shelter ourselves from reality. The meaning of life for us is probably no better than it is for a squirrel - be born, eat, grow, compete with other squirrels of the same sex for a mate, get that mate, procreate, parent, die. The whole lofty and grand worth of that process - procreate, no improvement to the world really, nothing moving toward perfection, just procreation (and if anything that procreation only seems to be perfected through - none other than eugenics, makes me almost hope there's no god because if there is I think I could place all that anger most of the people have here toward NT's in general directly on him for making it so that this world and this life had to be exactly what they are in reference to human potential and of course in reference to us).

no, i avoid contact with people i really don't like or where i know for sure that it'll go the wrong way, it's coming from interesting men/boys i like, any age actually (i don't even exagerate if i say from 20 to 85 ) : touching, mariage proposals, coming closer, etc
i must clearly do something wrong (maybe it's my friendly smile or my metamorf-state), talking about husband doesn't solve anything, i've got plenty of ready-made sentences about him but it doesn't work.



fortunately there is an ocean of a few thousand km between us, if you'd say such a thing you can be sure to have me at your door




no, i separted the two parts myself, indicating from where i couldn't follow anymore,
so i understood what you said first but than i failed to understand what i separated as a 'second' part.




yeah, it does ...
can't imagine that, but i know i'm not easily influenced by what other people think of something.
still have no clue



no one should be able to make you feel what is cool, i had a conversation with someone today who lived in the art-business when younger, lots of people are just pretenders, and many of them are dead.
i even hear it here at our local academy ( lovely people, everyone is nice to eachother),but they don't know what they are talking about, they are only vaguely confirming each other.
it might just as well be a hazard that you passed by at a moment they needed someone to talk down on. Or like moby, no one liked this guy before he was rich and famous. being liked has nothing to do with talent, you might not be known, appreciated for your whole life but have inspired half the next generation's music
you have to keep on going cause you are the best musician alive and i'm waiting for new tracks to come ! !! common you lazy bastard, enough excuses for now






vacation is granted you have now five years of doing whatever you want in dreamland, any moods are freely available at the first desk on the left, you can order company on the main computer in the big hall, our landscape builder will come to see you in a minute, any request may be posted before friday, just sign here please




yeah, you are kinda hard on yourself, hope it doesn't indicate a masochist spirit of not wanting to be loved and placing it therefor in anything unreachable (i have needed to learn to accept nice things and enjoy them, had spent so much time hunted that i felt this was the only state of mind i could deal with in the end, and if things were going well, i even managed to break them in order to recreate this state, not really interesting actually )



i'm almost sure it is a trick that nature plays on us

I can't suffer to speak for NT women as not only am I an Aspie but I have never been able to "get" NT women. I read Cosmo every month not because I am into fashion and makeup but because I am still trying to figure out what makes them tick. I'll just say from my end of things that an immediate turn off is someone who isn't able to have intelligent discourse. Someone who engages my brain is someone I find the most desireable. I don't think this is just me though. After all, studies have shown that women prefer to have thier minds engaged while men prefer visusal/tactile stimuli; this is why sites like literotica.com exist despite the wealth of picture and video porn online. From all the surveys I've read in Cosmo, an intelligent guy is right up there with a sense of humor as far as traits NT women are supposed to find desireable. I think in the end it's just about being well balanced and well rounded. Knowing when to be funny, when to sound smart, when to flirt back. And that's the thing us aspies have the problem with the most. Not nessecarily in being funny or smart or what have you, but in knowing when to turn it on or off.

I think I know the overall answer but I still am sort of lost on the internal details. One of the biggest things they have in their gearing is personal relevance in the eyes of natural law (something NT guys have too that sets the alphas aside from the geeks over there as well). Its like from day one their nervous systems and emotional patterns know exactly what kind of world this is, what they're operating in, and it guides them to those behaviors that a). get them the most status for a mate, b). make them the least likely person to be messed with and c). make them the kind of parents who can have similar kids to that extent - of course it manifests in different ways between NT guys and girls.



You know, I think the guys I'm aware of who are the most successful are the ones who while being intelligent are animalistically centered - at least where the core of their personality is resting at. They can be on a flip very intelligent, have incredibly deep conversations with the next person, have ultra-whitty comebacks, and on the flip act the fool and start breaking jaws. Yeah, I'm leery on the latter and its bad stuff when you don't have legal just cause but sadly nature goes as far as to say that if you aren't putting yourself in harms way then you aren't displaying much in the way of guts - many people make that other people but the law seems to be a deliberate hazard zone as well which people like to play in just to show how alpha or slippy they are. Without at least a good trace of that, unfortunately, a geek is just a geek and no matter what sort of music you listen to, no matter how much you drink, smoke, or do whatever else, unless your showing off some serious alpha prowess in other ways your still technically a geek. Mind you, I have a good job and have no intention of doing anything stupid but still I'd really like to have a sign of awareness of that reality etched into my general demeanor - it just seems kind of essential IMO.



Yeah, well balances is huge. For me its trying to not only keep my social skills up to speed with everyone elses but to have that inward sense of...how can I describe it... its sort of a maturity that super NT's pick up on way faster than us (something I see in certain friends all the time almost like its years of seeing lots of s--- go down that's compressed and hardened them), for me that's something else that while I've given it my all to get that edge its still going to take a lot more work to where I really feel comfortable or even in the right having someone.



Mmmm, can't say the same for myself though. For me its largely gestalt and presence, not that its horrid just that I come off as that weird semi-shy guy who doesn't have jack to offer (ie. like one of those sorts of fair-to-middlin-but-not-quite-there sorts of guys people like to refer to as 'bubba's, who work washout jobs, live alone, and end up going postal or being inner US terrorists - not that its me, just that this is the sort of impression our society has of people who try and try but don't quite hack it). The other thing of course, I really want to feel not just like I'm an adult on the functional social plane but I need the right behaviors - I'd want to feel like I'd have natural fathering instincts, that I would raise a couple good little conformists who'd at least be semi-popular in school, I feel as though if I can't resonate that myself then who the hell would even wanna touch me - after all it seems like a requirement not to procreate and have the results go down the gutter, people seem to have a pretty good internal radar for that one as well.

We go to a social club for AS where people don't smoke, generally don't flirt- I hate being flirted with anyway, but men will sometimes come up to the girls and ask if they are with anyone after talking about something else but generally we just talk on subjects of common interest and it's great. Sometimes people are quiet but you could play your gameboy all evening and still end up talkinga bit and no one would blame you.

Sorry to invade as well, lots of things to comment.
Most women are shallow... so are most men. From what I've seen, most men want a hot bimbo, and most women want a high-status, wealthy, romantic hero-type man (NOT the intellectual type). Men are often put off/feel threatened by intelligent women; women often label intellectual men, if they are not also sporty, as nerds and are not interested.
This results in most people not getting what they want, so they usually settle for what they can get when they decide they can't do any better.

Yeah, no particular surprises. I'm still playing in that gray area, it would also be really difficult for me to really classify myself as much of anything on the radar in those senses. Also not being a nerd has a lot to do with attitude and outlook.