Unwanted attention from customers (Women Only)

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well I think you handled that situation well in respect to both denying his advances and not pissing him off, and how you treated him reads as calm and professional to me even if that's not what you were actually feeling. I think some people who haven't had much experience in mildly threatening situations don't realize that when these situations arise they need to be handled delicately, because pissing someone off who is already confrontative can easily exacerbate the threat. btw do you carry pepper spray?

and to answer your question, yes I think that most if not all women have had to deal with unwanted attention and advances in their jobs, and I have too despite not being in customer service jobs since high school. it's difficult because each situation calls for a different method of dealing with it, although for brief confrontations laughing and then turning away/ignoring usually works for me. what I find more difficult is the two types of threatening men who come into the metal shop. one type attempts to make me continue helping them past when they don't need help anymore and usually results in asking when I work/how long I'll be working tonight/my phone number "in case they need more help", etc. it may seem unthreatening but in reality with their body language and obvious "gaze", it's quite innappropriate. and then the other (more threatening imo) type assumes I need help to do things and asserts himself in a dominating position over me without regard for my own personal space/personal projects/actual skills/me saying that I don't need help. this type tends to straight up give me their number "in case you need any more help darling", and also tends to physically touch me in inappropriate ways. no matter how blunt I am in my responses to this people it doesn't seem to get through their skulls that I want them to leave me alone?

I would suggest a direct approach in this case. When you feel like someone is preventing you from leaving, just tell them flat out, "You standing at the doorway makes me uncomfortable and nervous. Are you trying to block my exit ?" This will get either an apology or they will proceed to make their intentions clear. If they opt to take the latter approach, flash out a pepper or mace spray and use liberally.

Also, have you ever taken martial arts class ? Even if you are small and short-statured, there are some martial arts - like Wing Chun - that will help you. Also, the self-confidence you get from attending these classes will stand you in good stead as you will automatically start exuding the "Do not f*** with me" attitude, without even trying. I strongly suggest that you look into self-defense training.

But until you get that confidence and the skills to effectively ward off El Creepos, a mace spray should stand you in good stead.

Good luck !

I would agree. Nobody should restrict anybody's movements.

The phone is your friend.

As you're leaving your sales appointment, take out your phone and make a call as you walk to your call. Call anyone, or no one: you can call a friend or family member or co-worker just to check in, or call the local "what time is it?" service, or just call your own voicemail if you feel like you can't pretend to be talking to an empty line. Reciting your favorite poem a couple lines at a time is a good tactic, too. People are at least somewhat more reluctant to approach people who are on the phone. If someone does approach you, say "Could you hold on a minute?" into your phone, and cover the speaker with your hand to pretend someone is still on the line (if no one is). That way you can limit how long you get stuck talking to whomever has pursued you with a simple "I'm sorry, I really have to take this."

When I worked retail, we had a system in place where we all watched each other (as best we could; sometimes everyone gets busy), and if Person A saw that Person B was embroiled in a bad/tense/unwanted situation, s/he would use one phone line to make another line on the store phone ring and then call out to Person B "B, there's a call for you!" And if B needed an out, she could say to the customer "Oh, excuse me, I need to take this" and walk away. It worked brilliantly. If needed, A would go out and take over with the obnoxious customer. Just breaking an as*hole's concentration like that usually does the trick and makes him leave.

All the f*****g time.
Less so now that I'm getting older (and also as I've become bitchier in response to this s**t), but OMFG...! Some guys take any woman between the ages of 12 and 40 who shows the slightest shred of human decency and kindness as an opportunity to proposition them for sex.

One thing that does help without you having to be bitchy is to get yourself a fake wedding ring. You can get a silver-and-rhinestone ring for fairly cheap in a lot of places, like Amazon or Overstock; it's a social lie, but even so it will cut out between 50% and 75% of the propositions. It's sad that many men will only respect women if they think that they're 'owned' by another man, but we have to move through the world we have, not the world we wish we had.

Another trick, with or without the ring, is to learn how to say, "I don't talk about my personal life," or "I'm not comfortable talking about my personal life with customers," with a smile.
You may have to practice this in the mirror; I always feel like I'm smiling when I'm actually not. It doesn't have to be a very good smile, since most people can't tell the difference between a fake smile and a real one (or don't care?).

I've worked (unfortunately) in customer service for several years and have encountered so many creeps.

My personality works in my favor in this regard because I don't engage in small talk, I am very guarded and focused on the tasks at hand, and while working I am 'formal' manner mode. Without even intending to, I usually end up shutting these creeps down before they can escalate. Sometimes my co-workers will be there as a witness and they'll make a face like this .

Try to stick to strictly work related conversation. If they start asking personal questions answer in ways that don't leave much room for a response or more questions. Typically a quick "yes" "no" response works. I think for the situation you described, what you could have done was to say (after answering his business question) "have I answered all of your work related questions?" They usually start fumbling to keep the conversation going at this point, so you should interject and say you're running late to an appointment but they can contact you with further questions. Promptly start the car and if he's still lingering politely say something like "Sir, I need to move my vehicle now, please step aside so you don't get injured."

I also agree with the other posters who said to wear a wedding ring and/or pretend to be on your phone as you're leaving. And if you're the type to make too much eye contact, stop! One last trick: I watch a lot of old movies and will sometimes mimic the hoity-toity prudish women, I think this is useful too.

The fake ring and the phone call are BRILLIANT ! !! And probably guaranteed to work on all but the most hard core of @ssholes who don't mind making a move on someone else's wife or fiance.

IMO, some people - especially autistic men - may be socially awkward and may not know how to ask you out. When they do approach you, it could be the autism - and not necessarily the intent to be creepy - that freaks you out. I don't think that it's a crime to ask someone out, but it is harassment if they won't leave you alone after you've already said NO.

If you encounter one of these types (no intention to be creepy, just socially awkward), then a fake ring would signal your non-availability them and stop any further advances. However, if the individual is not autistic but a hard core @sshole, who won't leave you alone, then there is ABSOLUTELY no need to be polite. Just say, "Sorry", pause and point to the ring, "but I am married / engaged, and have to ask my husband if I can go out with you. Can you hold on just a minute while I call him ?"

You should lose him at that point - if he still won't leave you alone, and actually hangs around while you "finish calling and asking for your husband's permission to go out with him", then time for the mace / pepper spray.

Last edited by HisMom on 11 Jan 2016, 2:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Suggestions:

1. Tell them you a busy person and don't have time to chat and if they can get to the point.
2. Take your phone out tell them you need to make a call/message someone and walk away.
3. Laugh and say "bye then...you still here?"
4. (UK specific) "Sod off [Name]! Honestly..."

Creepiness is not a good indication of personal safety though as real creeps are often able to get trust.

0_equals_true, it's true that sociopaths are often superficially charming and able to gain trust at least in the short term, and that creeps are not always physically dangerous. However, physical danger isn't what we're talking about here; we're talking about total strangers who want to violate your personal and emotional space, even in ways that are non-threatening. Maybe this isn't so bad for NTs, but in my case being touched by a complete stranger with no warning can really f**k up my day regardless of his intentions (and I say "his" because women almost never do it). It feels like a short-circuit in my nervous system, and the fact that it's f*****g impolite and disrespectful is just icing on the cake.

Strange men prying into my personal life doesn't have the physical effects, but it's still a complete stranger wanting information that I'm not comfortable giving, which forces me to either compound their rudeness by telling them to f**k off or compound their rudeness by answering them honestly. For aspie women, our natural inability to lie stacks onto our lifetimes of training to 'be polite,' and on top of the knowlege that men sometimes flip out when women don't give them the "respect" that they think that they deserve. I have had a man flip out on me within the last year, no joke, screaming at me, merely because I moved to walk around him with space rather than walking right past him in a public garden in the middle of the night, with no one else around, on my way into work, because there was no parking next to the one open hospital entrance. He was offended, apparently, that I might even consider the possibility that a strange man in a secluded space in the middle of the night might be dangerous enough for me to keep out of grabbing distance. And that was without me even saying anything to him.

So, yeah: telling men to f**k off is often more trouble than it's worth.

Sure unwanted attention is annoying. I had unwanted attention of a similar nature so can sympathise.

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. Some of these are really good but I don't think I can pull them off. The problem is I am just so slow to think of what to say or do in a real-time situation. And I am not good at faking anything like a phone call or wearing a fake ring. The first time someone asked me about that ring I'd probably just tell them straight up why I was wearing it. Most of these customers have already asked me anyway if I'm married so they already know that I'm not. Some of them have known me for years, it's not like I can just suddenly start lying about stuff to them.

One guy actually told me last week that he had always assumed I was married because something about me just seemed like I was "taken." He said otherwise he would have asked me out. I didn't know what to say, I mean it just feels like every time something like this happens it is brand new and I have no internal resources to draw on. It's like no matter how much I anticipate these things I am still never prepared for it. I think they eventually just give up because I look so batshit confused. This guy was nice enough not to keep pushing for more information, he very gracefully let it go. He has always been really nice so I didn't feel threatened. I guess I am just mystified why this topic keeps coming up. Why would they think a sales rep is there for anything other than a business purpose?

dianthus - I'm not good about lying about the ring either; I tell the truth if I'm asked. But most people don't ask.

As for what people think sales reps are for - don't ask.

during school, i waitressed. a much older customer asked me out. i said let's just leave it at a cup of coffee, which he took to mean i wouldn't give him refills. luckily, he didn't complain. at the same restaurant, one of the local mafia personalities asked me to accompany him to the racetrack. he said i could gamble with his money and keep the winnings. i just politely said, "no, thanks." but i was nervous around him afterward and that bothered him. the bookie kissed me in the coatroom, ostensibly to celebrate my having gotten into med school. he suggested he would bring a bottle of wine to my new apartment for further celebrations. luckily when i didn't respond, he let it drop. the mafia offered to pay my med school tuition. to that, i also politely declined.

This. Thank you. This is also why I wish to stay comfortably behind the sliding door at work where I deal with records on paper all day and never ever ever want to train to do the customer service oriented receptionist position.

But I have to, next summer, at least try.

I expect it's different in a healthcare facility where 95% of the patients are children, but there is still potential for awkwardness to happen.

I keep telling myself I can learn to do it if I have to. I just wish I didn't have to.

Dianthus I think you're doing a good job fending them off without offending them and potentially losing clients for your business. kudos

http://news.yahoo.com/yet-another-woman ... 00830.html
relevant to this thread^

Thank you! I just wish my company could appreciate that, or understand at least half of what I have to deal with. I feel like most of my efforts really go unseen and unacknowledged.

I understand how you feel, I really miss when I had a cash office job and could just stay away from customers most of the time. I think the job I have now is pretty unusual as far as what I have to deal with, I mean since my company really has no control over the people I deal with. The upside though is I can sit in my car when I need some time alone (usually, anyway).

I used to work as an optician and I didn't get much harassment from customers doing that. People usually act more respectful in a healthcare setting. I felt the same way there too though, I preferred to stay in the lab vs. having to come out on the salesfloor and deal with people.