WOMEN ONLY PLEASE : This dame freaks me out Help ! !

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HisMom
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22 Feb 2016, 8:44 pm

YippySkippy wrote:
HisMom, do you think you yourself come across as a little "spectrumy" or otherwise odd?
I ask because I know I do, and I frequently have issues when talking to therapists or social workers on behalf of my son or parents (nursing home staff). They look at me funny, and I can see the wheels spinning in their minds. Then they'll change their tone of voice, or their body language, or ask me questions that seem out of place in the conversation. I know what they're doing - they're trying out their tools of the trade on me, trying to figure me out. Perhaps your son's therapist is trying her "therapist moves" on you? It would explain why she started sitting next to you rather than across from you, and perhaps why she isn't looking you in the eye. Perhaps she believes she is making herself less threatening and you more comfortable.



I definitely am socially awkward and have difficulty with social cues. People quickly seem to figure me out, too, as you put it, so it's entirely possibly that she "reads me". However, if she thought she was being less threatening, she thought wrong. She was literally in my face - almost on my lap at one point - and I had to physically move my chair away from her, only to have her move her chair closer to me, too ! I was very alarmed at that point and just wanted to get out and bolt (which is why it was a godsend that my friend called me when she did). The weird thing is, she kept talking to me about my son's programme, even while almost sitting on my lap, and staring at my chest - WTF ?!

I do know that socially odd people can send off the wrong vibes, but I am pretty sure I didn't send her any "come on to me" vibe, KWIM ? And even if I had sent off any wrong "signals", where was her professionalism ? I am the client's mother, not a date ! I am actually really scared after reading your post, because the wheels in my brain are turning (worrying if I did anything to give HER the wrong idea), and I am wondering what to do when we meet next (which would be tomorrow, as I cut short my meeting with her that day - I felt very threatened by her movements and actions). Maybe I should just start the meeting with "LISTEN, I am straight, I am married, so I would appreciate it if you could look me in the eye or at your notes or at the ceiling and NOWHERE ELSE while you're talking !" warning ?


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BeaArthur
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22 Feb 2016, 9:10 pm

HisMom wrote:
Maybe I should just start the meeting with "LISTEN, I am straight, I am married, so I would appreciate it if you could look me in the eye or at your notes or at the ceiling and NOWHERE ELSE while you're talking !" warning ?

No, don't be that direct, and don't accuse her of being attracted to you. What you SHOULD do is state you are uncomfortable sitting so close, and you'd appreciate it if she kept her eyes on your face.

If this continues to bother you, talk to the principal/headmaster or at least the woman's supervisor. I'd say "I hope I'm wrong, but this is what it seems like to me, and I just wanted you to know." It's unlikely she will be fired for things you have already described, but possibly a conversation between the supervisor and the employee will lead to an improvement.


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FizzyOrange
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22 Feb 2016, 9:12 pm

It may have been an accident. Maybe she's not great with eye contact. Instead of getting angry or assuming anything, why not ask? I've always been accused when really I look at everyone in that general area. Either there or towards the floor. I'm mostly straight and I've even looked in that direction of family and friends and try to look away if I do. It's just skin and tissue; it means nothing if someone accidentally glances at them.

If you feel that it's sexual harassment, you should report her. I just find it terrible to accuse someone without getting their side of the situation. She's a professional and I'm sure she would not jeopardize her career by ogling a patient's mother.



Amity
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23 Feb 2016, 2:30 pm

Maybe she is mirroring you, like she would with the children she supports, to put you at ease.

Perhaps she interpreted your discomfort as upset regarding the topic of conversation or maybe she has noticed that you are stressed, and moved closer to non verbally communicate that you are not alone.
There are a lot of maybes and perhaps... From what you describe this seems like a miscommunication.