How do you feel about affectionate touch?

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It is a problem with being nice to people in general, I think I need to work on consistent boundary setting, I make a conscious effort to put them in place at the start, but then I relax and this sends mixed signals.

I try to avoid touching people. I think it's an extension of my general dislike of connection. I find myself emotionally overwhelmed by connection. And, when somebody wants to hug, and I don't want to, I have a hard time declining their advance. I think I reach a point of decision where I'm either forced to connect with them one way by touching or another way by expressing that I don't like hugs, and between these two, I'd rather fake hug than expose my underlying feelings. I can see the fallacy in this approach as I will never really enjoy physical closeness until I can learn to connect emotionally. I'm also inconsistent about hugging vs not hugging people I don't know well.
I have a friend who always asks before she hugs me and no surprise- I like hugging her. In fact sometimes I think I make her uncomfortable!

It is a problem with being too nice. Women are taught to be accommodating, and autistics are taught that our needs are wrong and should be denied.

Within the context of intimate relationships, that might be true. But this isn't an intimate relationship.

You don't have to be unkind. You can just say something to the effect of, "I like you, but I'm not comfortable with you hugging or touching me. Can we wave or something instead??"

For me when someone touches me very unexpectedly and crosses a line it's usually not even a question of wanting to be nice about it. It's like my verbal capacity just shuts down. I try to form the words and they don't come. It's kind of the same as how I feel during a sensory overload.

That anxiety is there for some good reason. Pay attention to it!